Hey Mamas, I have a senior in high school who will be attending college in the fall in a town about 3 hours south. I need to know from moms who have children in college or kids (moms now!) who have been in college what you wished you had known before that first year. From websites on professors to roomate cautions to just outfiting a dorm room.
You have to apply for financial aid or grants every semester so keep a copy of the first one as reference.
If you don't know the room mate (if you have one) it's better to er on the side of caution and lock up everything including getting a lock box for valuables so that when you're gone...and the room mate invites all his over the age of 21 friends they won't take all your food and sleep in your bed.
You can get those small fridges from pawn shops.
Get them phone cards for emergency situations when their cell phone is dead and they have to call you no matter what.
Check on them regularly. Sometimes, they won't tell you that they've not eaten for a week because of lack of funds. It's up to the parent to go to them to make sure they are eating and all is well.
They WILL come back home.
It's hit or miss on the professor things. I found out that my son didn't get the one he wanted...now he gets to "audit" the class from the teacher he did want at the end of his courses. Check into that if they don't get the classes they want.
The rest I'm afraid, they'll have to wing. It is an individuals own experience.
Smiles to you. Congratulations!!!
I don't have any kids in college yet, however, I work at an university and from my own experience, STRESS, how important GPA is, especially if he/she wants to go to Master or PhD programs. Also, talk to your adviser and go to "ratemyprofessor.com"- once they make friends they can ask upper classmen about certain professors. However, for the most part they are pretty accurate. And yes, there are some professors that really only give 2% As, 10% B, majority Cs and will fail students. Declare a major and stick with it also visit the department office and talk with the admin in the office. If the college gives roommates their freshman year, give it some time, let him/her know that this is an opportunity to grow, people have different backgrounds. My freshman year my roommate was from France, that was an experience and I'm glad for it even though she got on my last nerves sometimes. You child will have a RA on the floor, most of them are pretty cool, and you can talk easily with them.
Congratulations, you did a good job Mama!
Hi there - I don't have a kid in college, but I remember those days well :) I ended up with a "boisterous" roomate (which I changed thank goodness) because I checked it on my roomate assignment form - OOPS! Make sure your child is as accurate as possible when filling out any roomate selection forms. Space is usually a premium, so if your kid doesn't mind climbing into bed, a loft bed (bunk bed without the bottom) is GREAT for a dorm room cause the desk, chair, bookshelf, whatever can go under it leaving MUCH more space for other furniture. Microwave/toaster oven are great to have when the cafeteria food is nasty. Mini-fridge - if you can get one with a decent freezer space, that's a bonus for keeping microwave meals. I don't know what the decorating rules are for dorms today, but if they aren't allowed to paint, you can "wallpaper" a wall with material and liquid starch - I've never tried it, but I saw it on some decorating shows and it looked really cool :)
http://www.rentaldecorating.com/quick_fix_fabric_on_walls.htm
You didn't mention if your child was a boy or girl. If a girl, I recommend a self defense class. I didn't have any bad experiences, but I know girls that did, and better safe than sorry. http://www.prepareinc.com/ - I took classes about 13 years ago with this company and they were EXCELLENT. Don't know if they have classes in Dallas, but they might be able to recommend a place, or maybe they have them near the college.
If your child can take a year of study abroad - DO IT!!! I went to England and loved it. It's a wonderful experience. Usually happens in the Jr. year but has to be arranged in the sophomore year.
I hope you all have fun during this time of change. Enjoy!
What a fun, stressful, emotional time for all of you....
I treasured my college days. I chose to live in the dorm vs apartment and loved it. We had minimal furniture, small fridge, toaster and microwave oven. It was a lifetime experience that I will never regret.
Stress keeping grades up. There are lots of scholarships out there that people dont know about. I mananaged to stay all 4 yrs on an academic scholarship. That was SO good for me because my parents did not financially support me through school, I had to do it on my own. I avoided loans by working 2 jobs. Some campus jobs are a lot of fun.
Congratulations to your Senior! My daughter starts 9th grade next year (wow, does time fly) She is already starting some college visits by going to Duke next month! My hubby is a Duke alum and she can't wait to visit. She is SO excited.
Best wishes!
How exciting! This makes me feel so old giving advice on college. haha I think that the single most important piece of advice, and very realistic, is to stress how important it is to just GO TO CLASS. It's so easy to skip out on them but resist that temptation.
When went to a college I didn't know anyone there but looking back, that cheesy orientation weekend was one of the most fun and helpful times. I ended up being friends and sorority sisters with a lot of the people I met there once classes started. I know that sororities and fraternities aren't for everyone but they helped me meet people right away as well as keep my grades up with mandatory study hours.
BIggest thing I can say is just go to class! That's step one!
Good luck to your "baby!" :)
Hello Barbara,
things to watch out for: credit cards. talk to your child about using/not using credit cards. This is the time when they start to get into credit trouble.
Also a good rule to have is not to lend money. It's VERY IMPORTANT to keep their social security number under lock and key! Anything w/ SSN number should be either left at your house or be locked. same goes for passwords, etc.
Also, if you attend church regularly, find a church for your child to attend. Good luck! ~Carmen~
The biggest advice that I can give is to emphasize that he/she is now responsible for him/herself. At almost any college, it's possible to get a great education, and it's possible not to get any education at all. I'm a professor, and the biggest difference between students who succeed and students who fail is that the ones who succeed take the initiative to do what's required and recommended by professors, seek out opportunities outside of class (e.g. clubs, sports, theater, etc), and manage their own time effectively. I think all of us who went to college made the mistake the first semester of leaving a paper or assignment until the last minute, then staying up all night in a panic. Successful students do this once or twice, then learn their lesson and begin to plan in advance.
The big difference between college and high school academically is that in college, students are expected to be adults. Unlike high school, the majority of work for each class takes place OUTSIDE the classroom. My university stipulates that students should expect 2-3 hours of homework for every one hour in class. Students who don't expect this, and manage their time accordingly, run into trouble pretty quickly.
But perhaps the most basic advice is, that your student should take advice. From other students, from advisors, from professors. I honestly want my students to succeed, and will go far out of my way to help any student who asks (politely always helps ;) Students who email me with questions and/or stop by my office hours with questions almost always do well. If a student doesn't know how to write a paper, and comes by my office for help, it's not unusual for me to spend 30 minutes to an hour helping the student one-on-one. BUT, the majority of my students never ask for help, and every semester several of them fail. Most professors have hundreds of students a semester--I'm happy to help those who want to learn, but I don't spend much time on those who don't speak up. Also remember that most students who go to college did pretty well in high school--so if your child is used to being one of the smartest this can be a tough adjustment. Smarts alone won't usually do it in college--you need hard work and discipline, too. But the good news is, if you work hard, and manage your time, you can succeed! Good luck to you and your child next semester!
I wasn't in college TOO long ago, and I remember one thing that helped me was once I got the name of who my roommate was going to be, I emailed her. I asked her what she had, furniture, fridge, microwave, tv, etc. We worked out who was bringing what so we didn't double up and bring things that weren't necessary. I remmeber it being a little ackward at first, meeting her, and others in my suite (there were 8 girls to one bath), but after the first couple of days, we all got along great and we all still keep in touch today. Your child should definitely treasure the college years, they were really the best time of my life. I really found myself there, with a few mistakes along the way, and YOU need to be willing to accept those mistakes that your son/daughter may make, and just be a support. That's my piece. Good luck!
Barbara - I can help you with this one. We raised twin daughters to be very independent and it really showed their first year at A&M. I suggest you get her/him to understand that college is a lot harder and they will have to study to make the grade. Fortunately, we raised them with structure also, they do know right from wrong and did not need to venture for that in their freshman year. We paid the entire way for them with their knowing that they would only receive 4 years of support. They "Q" drop - it's their dollar. We only paid for a credit once. Also, in those 4 years they could attend summer sessions if they choose - but 4 years was it. They were given a small amount of fun money a month - anything over and above that they took from their savings.
One big thing rule was - it was mandatory they call home every Monday and Thrusday nights. This kept us in touch with them, although they would have called us regular anyway. But the rule was there.
Since they are twins they were together all four years with the same roomate for the first 3 years (she was a year ahead of them). At A&M they can live off campus because it is so large. We had told them a good way to loose a friend you've had for a long time was to room with them in college. So, we continually reminded them that all parents expect something different from their children. Her expectations would very obviously be different from theirs. If they were not afraid to address a situation when it arose, it would be less likely to get out of hand. With those tools in their pocket, they made it 3 years. Were there arguments, yes. Were there fights, yes. Did things get uncomfortable once in a while, yes. But, they all used those skills and respected each others "space."
Remember, they are may be away from home, but they are still a part of the family. Here are some of the main things I noticed with them as they took this venture:
The first year they showed their independence. We can do this without Mom and Dad. As a parent, I couldn't wait for them to come home for breaks! We tried very hard to let them have their independence. But remember, we were their money suppliers! This is/was leverage.
Their sophmore year, it became apparent that Mom and Dad were very important and they wanted us to be very involved with their daily routine and activities. They called home constantly. As a parent, we were getting used to them not home, and slowly became ready for them to return to school from breaks! We felt so relieved when that they felt we were very important to them.
Junior year was a huge maturing stage for them. Not only were we important to them but so where all the aunts, uncles and cousins. Everyone under the family tree were getting calls from them. They were getting very solid grades and were very involved with campus activties. As parents, we enjoyed them home for a few days during breaks, but we had started to like our empty nest! However, they wanted us to be down there at least one weekend a month. That was very doable because they were in an apartment.
Their senior year flew by and they graduated on time within their 4 year limit. They were fully prepared for the future. Yes, we were very proud parents of these two remarkable young gals. Currently they hold very good jobs, have not lived at home since, and are very close to us still.
I think the main thing that helped was the structure and guidelines we set from the very beginning as they left home. Make sure she/he knows what you expect from them even though they are not under your roof and how you are there to support them. Our children will always be just that to us, our children.
Buy a coverup for the walk to and from the shower, and shower shoes. (Crocs or flip flops to protect from a fungus amoungus).
Do not buy too much stuff to outfit the dorm room. There is not a lot of space, and that which is brought must be packed up and brought back home over the summer for storage, etc.
If you must have a lot of stuff, start with a loftbed - oploftbed.com has awesome plans, and I built their bed in one day - not including paint and finish.
Do not go out to eat, when you eat in the dining hall remember that calories still count.
Join the rec gym - avoid the freshman 15.
Go to sleep at a reasonable hour every night but one. Sleep deprivation makes it difficult to stay on track with classes and with life.
Join a group of people who have a similar mindset - a ministry group, an honors group, something that gives you some positive peer pressure.
Do not use credit cards. NO CREDIT CARDS.
A job is a good thing to have, work study especially.
Budget 3 hours per week for every hour in class in order to study.
No credit cards. Did I mention that already? :)
Steph
If you've done your part rearing them, they'll do their part once they are on their own at college. It was a big relief for me when my daughters left for college. I know they didn't always live by my rules, but they eventually returned to them as they matured. Dorm rooms are SMALL! Less is best. I did purchase stacking crates for storage, and a small refrigerator, but that was all until they were living off campus and shared an apartment with others. One was in a sorority--paid for HERSELF! The other chose to be in a business fraternity that was open to all business majors. Both excelled. One graduated cum laude, so even though they made lots of mistakes, they made it through and have had successful lives. I didn't hover over them, and chose not to do the Parents' Day thing simply because I worked and they were attending college too far for me to take off long enough to go. Besides, I felt I had done the Room Mother/PTA thing for 12 years!!! I treated them like adults, not children.
I remember my first year of school. I wish that I would have been better prepared for the amount of studying that needs to be done in college. I had it pretty easy in high school - did not need to study that much. It was mind blowing my first year. Also, talk to your child about drinking, etc. I was a very good kid in high school - never exposed to alcohol. However, I had plenty of exposure my first year!! Good luck to you!
I used to be an admissions counselor at the largest university in Texas... From that experience and from my own experience from my college years, here is my advice to your child:
- live in single-sex dorm on-campus the first year; it is an experience you can never get again and you will learn SO much
- sit in the first three rows of every class
- attend every class
- don't register for 8am classes...
- exchange phone/email info with 3 other people in each class the first day of class (this is invaluable!)
- join 2 organizations, and it is great if one of them involves physical activity (such as hiking, crew team, tennis, etc -- helps keep the freshman 15 at bay)
- call home EVERY sunday evening
Advice for you (mom):
- resist the urge to call every single day... give your kiddo some space, but let him/her know he/she can (1) call you at any time, and (2) that he/she can use you as an excuse for anything he/she needs (such as declining an invitation to a party or trip that he/she doesn't feel comfortable attending, etc)
- visit on a random weekend, and also on the official "parents' weekend" -- you'll get to do/see so much more with your child on that random weekend, but having a presence at the "parents' weekend" is a great way to meet your child's friends' parents too
I hope this is a helpful start!
I've read thru a few emails and have to agree...be ready to study, unlike high school...ask professors for help, if needed.
One thing I REALLY wished I had done while in college is to continue to go to church. I was so excited to be on my own and not having my mom tell me I HAD to go. It's just one of those things that I wished I had done but it's obviously too late to change. But now, thankfully, attend church regularly with my husband and boys!!
My Freshman son likes the website www.ratemyprofessor.com. My son and his friends didn't care about the decorations for his dorm room but his girlfriend & all of her friends were all about the rooms looking cute. (not sure if u have a boy or a girl.) Also, he loves his meal plan & is glad he can eat 3 meals a day. My son went to the Christian Fish camp before school started and made the majority of his friends there. At A&M it is called Impact. (Not sure where yourchild is going.) I wish you & your child the best.)
While I didn't agree at the time, my mom said I had to live in the dorm my first year and I couldn't have my car. Living in the dorm definitely helped with meeting new people and being close when I was running late to class. As for not having a car, that was hard sometimes. That also encouraged me to meet people, and luckily my sister was there with her car. My mom's intention with the car was to prevent distractions when I should be studying.
Make sure you have an umbrella. If you have a car, be prepared to walk because parking in rarely close. Shop for books early so you can buy used ones and save $$$.
Good luck
talk to them now about the dangers of drinking too much. underage drinking is illegal. they should know the consequences. if they choose to drink underage, then they should know what it does and when to get help. i'm not saying that it will completely stop them from drinking/partying, but atleast they will be educated. as a follow up conversation, have a frank conversation about sex and relationships. domestic/verbal abuse happens when we aren't around. you aren't gonna know their friends, much less boyfriends. this would also be a good time to discuss eating disorders and what is a heathy weight. yes they want to avoid the freshman 15, but only in a good way.
We have three that have gone to college and one on the way next year. I could talk for hours aboutthis subject, but I'll try to highlight just a few thing. Buy just the bare minimum to start with until you see what their roommate is like and what they bring. All of ours had way too much and we ended up bringing a lot home. They'll need the sheets, comforter, and towels to start. They'll also need their toiletries and laundry detergent, and a basket for dirty laundry. They'll need to know how to do their laundry, sorting and water temps. or they'll be bringing it all home. Don't go overboard on anything else. Once they get moved in, they'll figure it out between them and then can shop together. Just hand them a gift card to Wal-Mart or Target and let them do the rest. I would also get unlimited texting if they don't have it already, because they will use it. Set up a bank account that has your name on it as well, so you can check their account daily. There have been a few times that mom or dad has had to come to the rescue. I've had to transfer money so they wouldn't overdraft. As far as money, we gave our kids $20 a week all through high school as fun money. If they wanted to spend extra on entertainment, it came out of their own pockets. We kept this up in college as long as they maintained A's and B's. They all had jobs, so this was just extra. I would also send little notes or cards wishing them a great day or for an upcoming holiday and slip an extra $20 in it. They loved that, especially if it came at the end of the month. Unless something was really pressing, I waited for them to call me. That was the hard part. My kids talked to me about everything, so not picking up the phone all the time, was challenging. At parent orenitation we were told that we had given our kids wings and now it was time to let them fly. Enjoy this next phase, because it goes faster that you want it to. They are adults now and they are responisible for all the choices they make. Good luck and I hope this will help you save yourself, from the returns counter.
For buying things for a dorm room, you can go to Bed, Bath and Beyond and purchase what you need ahead of time. If there is a BB&B in the town (or a town close by) where your child is going to school, they will have the things you picked out ready to be picked up there. So, you don't have to transport all those things to the school. They will have everything you could possibly want for a dorm room. If you do it ahead of time, you will beat the crowd and you can be assured that you will get what you want and not have to go from store to store. Target might even offer the same thing but BB&B's prices are competitive with Target. You will have to be ready to set up an account for internet service. But, usually the dorm will give you all the info you need about that. But, most importantly, keep in touch with your child and make sure they are making good grades. One bad semester with a low GPA is almost impossible to bring up. Beat it into his/her head that if they plan to go to law school, or grad school later, they will be competing with the best. I have a daughter in law school and a son who is a Junior in college. Life is competitive right now with all of these students. Jobs are hard to find and many of my daughters friends are being laid off and most have really good degrees. Have your child pick a degree that is realistic, that will ensure them a decent job after graduation.
Have them go on line at their university and search "Pick a Prof." It is very helpful.
If they are going "pot luck" for a roommate, try to find out something about the person. They are all on Face Book now and you can read between the lines to get an idea of what that person is like and if they will be a good or bad influence. Stay involved and when they have "Parent's Weekend" make sure you go and check things out.
Good luck! It is a really fun time for you and your child. Encourage them to get involved in things that will be good on a resume.