I feel like I've lost my daughter since we gave her a cell phone for X-mas. She is now obsessed with her phone- texting constantly (over 5000 in 2 1/2 wks), calls, & FB. We don't have TV & computer time is very limited during the week, so now this is all she really thinks about. I just signed up for AT&T Smart Limits and am wondering what are reasonable limits for teens these days? Thanks!
This blog post has excellent suggestions "Cell Phones: Presenting the Rules Before the Game Means Fewer Problems in the Second Half" it's in the "Voices" section http://bit.ly/6j4pYW good luck!
I like the article linked to the first response.
Beware of technology addiction!
Beware of family alienation!
Also beware of "feelings of entitlement"--meaning the old "everyone does it/my friend gets more than I do/I should get everything for free" arguments.
Cell phones, aside for emergency communication, are an expensive luxury and fraught with risks. Consider the age of 13 in that context. It's not only financial risks--Internet sites such as FB are intended for 18 and older only, and many teens engage in "sexting" (sending nude photos of self, of other minors, from cell phones) which, aside from emotional damage, sometimes leads to prosecution.
That said, it is possible that the novelty of the new phone will wear off, and she will cut down her usage on her own. You can try a limit, and then adapt it as necessary.
Sheire,
Take the phone away for the remainder of the month. Your daughter is not ready or responsible enough to be texting. Most texting is NOT necessary.
You and dad set the limits that she will have to abide by. I suggest drawing up a contract, which includes keeping grades up, homework, getting along with her siblings, being respectful to you and Dad, and chores around the house.
Point out to her if she feels mature enough to have phone, she must be ready to be more responsible. See how she does for the rest of the month...If she meets your requirements, give back the phone WITH limits. If she gets out of bounds...take the phone...repeat as necessary.
Take back the power Mom and Dad, while she's a NEW teen. Your other children are watching.
Blessings....
It's normal. Welcome to the teens. As long as she is on top of her homework, and you are not being charged for excess calls, let it go.
By the way, you 'lose your daughter' at 13, with or without a cell phone.
And in response to some responses below: if your daughter is well-loved and well-adjusted, she will not start "sexting" just because she has a cell phone (sorry, Rae).
My daughter is a senior, has above a 4.0 gpa, does not 'sext' and has never had her phone use monitored or limited, except in cases where I have cost overages or if there are additional fees for internet use, etc. I don't allow that kind of phone use because I'm not going to pay for it. I have an unlimited texting plan for 3 kids and something like 1500 family minutes of phone time.
We also don't have a TV and limit computer time. My 13 year old daughter is only allowed to use her cell phone sparingly. It's more for use, "as needed." We don't have texting on the plan deliberately, so I know EVERY text that happens on her phone and each one costs .20. Any texts to or from friends that aren't a necessity, she pays for. Needless to say, texting doesn't happen much. I would much rather she have real live phone conversations or in person time to hang out with friends rather than be plugged into electronic land, personally.
Ultimately, I think you need to decide for yourself what you feel comfortable with, especially if it is effecting school work, chores or family relations. I don't think there's anything wrong with limiting cell phone usage just like you would the computer. Our children don't have to get "lost."
We have 5 daughters. We don't allow cell phones unless they can pay for them by themselves, which they can't. most of their friends have phones, they are free to contact them by actually calling them.
My husband really dislikes electronic (typing) conversations. He said it leaves too much room for people to be rude and inconsiderate to each other. Emotion and voice tone is lost. It's easy for people to just say whatever they feel becuase they aren't looking at the other person.
Cell phones leave plenty of room for kids to be sneaky. You can look at the phone, sure, but you can't look at what's been deleted. Nothing good can possibly come from a kid having a cell phone. We didn't have them growing up, we had to actually talk to our friends.
If your daughter must have it, you may want to limit it. Addictions in the teen years is evident. Teens don't understand limits, they only see now. Texting, facebook, email all becomes an addiction. Just because it's not drugs doesn't mean it's not harmful.
Also, if you're a stay at home mom, there shouldn't be too much time where she is away from you and she can use your phone to call her friends. I would definitely keep the phone wiht me at night.
I hope this isn't read harshly. I'm really against cell phones for kids, it is making them completely unable to hold normal conversations, to spell correctly, and it puts them too much into the circle of self indulged teenagers, without much supervision.
okay so my first cell phone was given to me when I was only 14 and it was the worst idea ever. I ran up the bill to 400.00 in a month. Im so serious it was ridiculous. I was texting all my guy friends potential boyfriends girls who were friends getting ringtones. talking all night with guys and friends. It was the worst idea ... So We just got our nephews two boys who are 11 and 10 their first cell phone but it is a tracfone which is prepaid cute little motorolas for 30.00 odllars at walmart. we told them these are emergency phones only. if you run out of minutes (which the phones are only able to call 911 after mins are used up.) you cant get anymore until you can afford to purchase them urself. one of them has already used more than half there minutes nothing being an emergency at that. the other only calls his mom and nana and dad also but you need to get her off att and get her a tracfone once time is up time is up baby thats it. story over.
I am sitting here this morning in complete fear my daughter who is 14 years old is absolutely addicted to her cell phone. I took it while she was still asleep so I would not have to struggle to get it from her. I read your post and the first line is exactly how I feel. I feel I have lost my daughter. She has horses and loves to ride. Recently she began to lose interest in anything except her phone. I created this by giving her the phone and replacing it constantly when she breaks them. I tried the Verizon Family Base which gives you the ability to put limits on data, time restrictions etc. none of that worked. I suspended the service and she still had it in her hands at all times. She was still able to listen to her music which by the way is horrific. The songs these days are absolutely inappropriate and I allowed her to listen to these songs as I would drive her here and there and everywhere. My husband and I were beside ourselves and very concerned so I have made the decision to take the phone physically away from her and put it up for now. As I sit here waiting for her to wake up on this Saturday morning I find myself very concerned but I also know in my heart it is the right thing to do. Again I absolutely found myself wondering where my daughter went? The cell phone and all that goes with it was and is the culprit to her issues which include many serious things such as poor failing grades, not helping me with the house or the horses, not caring about her horses, not speaking to the family at all. For all parents struggling with this it is very serious and it must be addressed. Addiction is addiction. Phones may not be illegal but they are harmful and can take your child just as heroin can take them from us. Be Strong…God Bless Us All.