I have been on the lookout for some means to engage my second-grade daughter (who, although is ADD, is as engaging and inquisitive and sweet-tempered a child as anyone). Last night, I took her to an introductory meeting of our subdivision's "Brownie" troop. My daughter was sooooo looking forward to the meeting, and earning her badges, and was just really thrilled just getting to hang out with other girls. The troop leader's daughter, however, is one of those children who is very into relational aggression, a la "Odd Girl Out" type of stuff. Last night, while my daughter was sitting at the table working on the tail-end of their project, this child whispered to another little girl, and then turned to my child and asked her what Girl Scouts is. My daughter, having never stepped foot into a Brownie or Girl Scout troop, tried to answered as best as she could. The troopleader's daughter's response? "That is SO not what Girl Scouts is!".
I mean, come on..... aren't Brownies and Girl Scouts supposed to be all about inclusion and teaching the girls to be KIND to each other? I was so hoping this might be an avenue for our daughter, but after last night, I wouldn't go back to this troop EVER.
That is terrible! It is especially horrible because it's the troop leader's own daughter. It's unfortunate that your daughter will kind of be stuck with this troop because you have to be in your own school and grade's specific troop.
I hope that your daughter gives it some time if you think it won't be too traumatizing for her. Hopefully the "mean girl" doesn't set the tone for the whole group.
One suggestion: look into something called "Indian Princesses". It's a group of girls that do activities with their dads, and it's similar to Girl Scouts. I know it's here in Illinois, not sure about other states. It used to be run through the YMCA, now it's independent of the YMCA, but it's been around for like 50 years and apparently is really fun.
Really? You won't go back after one minor incident with a snobby kid?
I would go certainly, tell the mom what happened and really make sure your daughter is included. Teach your daughter not to let that kind of crap bother her and to stand up for herself. Did she otherwise enjoy it? Every club or class at school, birthday party, playground kid is going to have some sort of drama in it, so running away from it isn't going to solve anything, but helping your daughter to deal with it and to still have fun will teach her a lot.
Also, I did Indian Princesses too through the YMCA and I loved it. But it's for girls and their dads, so it is dependent on if her dad will go. But you will most likely encounter a snobby kid or parent there too. Such is life. http://www.yindianguides.org/indianprincess/about.htm
It's unfortunate that you had this experience. Sounds like the troop leader's daughter needs to be schooled in what Girls Scouts is. The ending of the GS promise is "to be a sister to EVERY Girl Scout". My daughter is part of a large troop (19 girls). They have been together since Kindergarten and are now in 4th grade. Over the years, some of them have had to be reminded of the proper Girl Scout Code of Conduct. You will never find a perfect troop where every girl is nice, but if you have good leaders, they will watch out for and correct these kind of behaviors. Does her school have a troop? If not, or if she's home-schooled, contact the council to find another troop in your area. We have one girl who is home-schooled, but comes to my daughter's school for meetings. Good luck!
Yes, she should know better, but you know what? This is going to happen where ever you are even as an adult,. Church, playground, neighborhood, school, sometimes even with relatives..
The best thing you can do is to teach your daughter how to reply to these types of people..
Also your attitude about it will also teach your daughter how to feel and how to react. Just do not make it a big deal.
Teach your daughter to NOT be like that girl. To instead be welcoming. To accept all people and their differences.
Teach your daughter how to start conversations. How to use a smile.. Not to whisper in front of others. etc..
And that people that act like that girl are not happy about themselves and so they do not want others to be happy.
I taught our daughter that not all people are nice, but our goal is for us to be nice. Before we say something think about it and how it would make us feel.
I am sorry you had this experience, but do not let a 7 year old spoiled brat, ruin your experience. She may be a Queen Bee in her own mind, but does not mean people like her.
Yikes, I'm sorry. In my experience, Brownies is just a social organization for girls. It's only going to be as nice as the girls in the group. Did the leader witness this snotty comment? I'm sorry but this kind of thing can happen any place, school, sports clubs, etc. How does your DD feel about it? I'd be just as mad as you, but why does your DD not get to do this activity because of one or two rude little girls? I think IF your DD wants to give it another go, have her go again and try to sit by or hang out near some different girls. If she tries it 3-4 times and is still doesn't feel welcomed or like she wants to be around that group, I'd would pull her out. But I'd at least want to give her a chance to see if she can have fun with the other girls in the group before quitting altogether.
Your question is worded incorrectly you concuded THEY on the actons of one kid. I could make the same statement about any group based on the actions of one person by substituting the word Brownies. "Red Heads - Why aren't they nice people to everyone?" I'm sure there is a red head out there who's not nice but I'm not going to say all lump all red heads together. Adults can't catch every digression from what the group should be and how they should be acting. If someone did join who could model good behavior and help the girls when they don't live up to it it would go much further than sitting at home grumbling about all of them based on the actions of one person.
I'd encourage you to let the leader know what happened, you don't need to let her know which girl said this, just that it made your daughter not feel welcome and ask if you can help change that situation.
Hi Elizabeth,
I'm sorry that happened. Poor dear, she was probably embarrassed by that girl's 'baiting' question. You know what, though? Our daughter just started in a Daisy troop a couple of weeks ago. Honestly, she wasn't really aware of what scouts is all about, either. Heck, having never been involved myself, I wasn't, either. After a few meetings now, she knows more, but will continue to learn. That is what scouting is.
So I say you DO take your daughter back and encourage her to get involved. And like Laurie A. commented, little situations such as these continue over our lifetimes. Some people are always going to think that they know more than you. Teaching your daughter the tools to handle them -- even a little self-deprecating humor -- will go a very long way in helping her make her way in life. Good luck!
You've gotten some good advice below. I'm sorry this happened :(
If it makes you feel better, my daughter joined a troop in 2nd grade; all the other girls had been together since, I guess, K (our school did not have one; we joined up with another group). The girls were so-so but not really overly inclusive. The moms/leaders were GREAT!
Around 4th grade or so, we all went bowling & the moms (ok, they were great but NOT attentive) did not really supervise. I had to. The girls were doing incredibly dangerous things with the bowling balls -- like holding them over other girls' heads. I freaked (inwardly) but got them to stop.
Fast forward to when we moved to another city. Daughter decided to be a mentor to a K group. Of course, they were going bowling. I emailed the troop leader with my concerns (because, no, I don't trust leaders' supervision. btw, I did my part as a leader for 3 years). My teen daughter came home & told me that the moms and leader were making FUN of and laughing about my concerns!
So, I feel your pain. Hope you can get this straightened out and/or find a more welcoming group of girls!
Unless this little brat is confronted or "told on", she will never change. I'd call the troop leader, and if it's her mother, oh well - she needs to know how her daughter made your child feel. I'd encourage you and your daughter to continue with this troop on the premise that you've told the troop leader that she needs to be watchful for this type of behavior. Unfortunately, your child is going to run into this situation in many different avenues throughout life. It's not just Brownies, and I promise you, they are not ALL like this. It's time your daughter learns now how to cope and handle these type of aggressors. You could make this into a positive learning experience for her and teach her how to handle bullying, because that what that little brat is when it all boils down. Good luck!
As a GS Troop Leader I would want to know. You don't have to give her specifics but I would talk to her or email her about it. A GOOD troop leader will take the opportunity to talk to the girls about GS, about "being a sister to every girl scout"...
We had a girl come to us because she was being picked on at school by other kids. So we took 20 minutes in a meeting and talked about friendship, how to treat other people, how caring, helping can make someone feel better, can make them happy.
This is learning opportunity for the troop, the leader, you and your daughter.
I try very hard to watch the behaviors of the girls in my troop, and it's not always easy, and I have caught them talking mean to eachother. I will then review the troop rules and ask if they remember those rules and did their behavior go along with that. I do NOT do talks to individuals in front of the whole troop, if I need to speak to one specific girl I will ask her to help me do something and we go for a walk in the hallway.
Don't give up after one meeting. You don't know anything about the leader, her daughter or the other moms after one meeting.
Talk to your daughter about GS, at this age the girls really don't know the all around meaning of GS. The purpose of the meetings is to teach them what the meaning is...Courage, Confidence and Character...please don't say all of "them" are mean. Some of us try very hard to make there meetings safe and fun for all...but sometimes girls can just be mean, and I'm trying to negate that with kindness!
What you are describing is the bad manners of an individual child, not the organization at large. Sad but true, similar bad behavior is sometimes found in any group, including Sunday schools and churches.
Yes, ideally a brownie group would be inclusive. I feel sad about your daughter's experience. Please help her understand that the behavior she encountered is good information – that is not the group for her, but someplace else might be much better.
You would never go back because of one rude comment? from a child?
Of course Girl Scouts are about community, inclusion, working together and acceptance. But these are children, and they are learning.
I have been a scout leader for many years and ALL girls (including my own daughters) have made rude comments, been mean to each other, etc. at one point or another, even the "sweet" ones. That's why we spend SO much time focusing on the Girl Scout law, and learning how to work together, especially when the girls are still so young.
This can and will happen in any group setting. If you quit after only one meeting you are not even giving the leader a chance to address it, let alone giving your daughter the skills to handle people who are not always nice (an important skill in my opinion.)
Maybe the troop leaders daughter hasnt been to very many meetings herself and will be a great canidate for learning to be kinder and nicer to others in the course of the season. I wouldnt write off a troop just because of 1 girls attitude. Her mother being the leader is probably going to her head and she thinks shes more special than she is. Give it a few more weeks and if it doesnt seem to work out then look around for others to join up with. In the meantime, I hope you havent bad mouthed this girl to your daughter. They may end up great friends someday.
Sometimes 7 yr old girls are not perfect. Please don't teach your daughter to run away offended when people around her are less than perfectly sweet.((especially children still learning) Please teach your daughter what to say when girls at school say something mean to her-it WILL happen because these are Very young children who haven't always learned how to talk politely. I teach my students by having them role play. If I say "I dont like your sweater/or your picture" They have to respond in a normal tone of voice (not mean and not a whisper) "Well that's OK I really like it" If she learns to back away from a comment like "that is not what Girl Scouts Is" she may end up being picked on and bullied.
I was in Brownies and Girl Scouts and most of the girls in my troop were snobs. I was friends with one or two other girls, we were the "misfits" for sure. The other girls would always tease us and whisper about us when there weren't adults within earshot.
Where was her mom? I am a leader now but when I saw this crap at meetings, I spoke up regardless of who was in charge.
We are the leaders now but the leader has changed every year. It is very stressful and there is a lot of time involved. Otherwise I would tell you to form your own troop.
There are many troops, but most are filled. They have cracked down on the number of kids per approved adult. Kids are mean if allowed to get away with this crap it only gets worse.
Your best bet at finding a troop is to find out who the leaders are locally. If you meet them and ask them in person, they will likely say yes if they have room. Many say "no newbies" because existing troop members show up with friends who end up joining. They are not trying to exclude you personally. It is a numbers game.