Buy the book Curly Girl and get ready for some weird but really amazing advice. I've been trying to deal with my curls my entire life. I didn't come to terms with them until I was 17. When I was growing up there were no hair "products," and curls were the worst thing to have from ages 10 to 17.
I already only wash my hair a couple of times a week, but Curly Girl takes it further. When you wash, don't brush your hair. Just use your fingers. Otherwise, you do more damage than good.
Dont use shampoo. I know, this was the most difficult thing for me to overcome. Use conditioner. They say, and I now agree: you only need something to stir up the dirt particles and help wash them away. It really works. I wash with a mild conditioner, then condition as usual (finger through a thicker conditioner and keep in my hair until the end of my shower).
Spray a mixture of mostly water plus a few drops of lavender oil to refresh hair. There's so much more in the book, including a variety of mostly easy, homemade conditioners. I'm going to try the brown sugar scalp scrub next week.
Lately, I've been using Jason's Natural Sea Kelp Conditioner. It's not expensive and it's very thick, and it's natural, which is very important. The book has a list of ingredients you should look for on an ingredient list (humectants, such as panthenol)--and ones you should avoid (anything ending in "cone." I think these are silicone products--I don't remember why they're bad.)
As much as I've come to terms with my hair, it's still a pain. Lately, I've had it blown out (my hair is really thick--I could never do this myself. It takes someone at least 45 minutes to do, but it comes out great. It's so much easier to manage (I touch up with a small flat iron and add in fun loose curls), and it lasts almost a week without looking oily (but it's definitely in a pony by the last day--still looking good with the pretty curls in the back).
Good luck! My 5-year-old daughter has my hair, so here goes another generation. At least she has some hair products from which to choose