I just read Jennifer H post with regards to allowances and chores and LOVED all the responses. They gave me some great ideas. However my children are 5 (just started kindergarten), 3 (just started preschool), and 18 months (keeping this one at home for as long as possible :) ), and I was wondering how to start implementing stuff before it comes a battle because they are not used to doing things. My five year old will help me set the table and he gets the milk from the basement fridge when we run out and he helps we take the trash out. My problem is that I am 'nagging him' to get these things done.....is it because he is too young or because I havent tied in a reward to it (except for my praise of course)? We just discussed allowances and the previous question was very timely since I had no idea what a five year old should receive. I do think that $1 per year of age is too much though. Any suggestions on any other chores a 5 year old could do easily and some for my VERY stubborn 3 year old girl who HATES to pick up and always seems to slink away and it gets left to the oldest to do it all!
Thanks !
My son is 4 and just started Kindergarten. I give him "100 cents" a week to pick up his dishes and put them in the sink. It is not only teaching him that every 100 cents is a dollar, it is helping him realize the value of money and in a way he can understand- "working" gives you rewards.. Whatever he earns, at such a young age, is helping his little mind realize that you work for your money-in gentle way with being so little. Do you know what I mean? As time goes on and children get older- they will understand more and more about what it all means. For me I think the little things make the most impact now, while making it a learning experiences at the same time gives much bigger payoffs in the end. I hope this helps!
I think my girls (now almost 5 and 3 1/2) were born helpers and we've always had the rule that they pick up their own toys or else they will get "lost". When our oldest started pre-school we added setting the table at night and our youngest is responsible for getting the dog dishes when it's time to feed them in the afternoon. In the beginning, we didn't tie a regular allowance to it, unless they went way above normal the normal helping. Now that our oldest is in Kindergarten we did start the allowance program on a weekly basis. How much they get is dependent on how big of a helper they were that week and how much they fight us on their chores. I think the most they have gotten on any week is $1. My daughters school does a holiday Christmas shopping thing for the kids to buy presents for their family, so she is saving her money for that. Our youngest wants to go to the Dollar store for her Christmas shopping. I think, for them, knowing the reward each week, and knowing what they are saving for helps motivate them to do their chores each week.
Hi Kate. I never did an allowance for my son when he was as young as yours, but I never gave him any regular chores either. He did have to do whatever I asked though. They are pushing you because you are giving in. When the 3 year old doesn't pick up, you have to get her and make her do it, and stay there with her. That is a little harsh for that age, so what I do is make it easy for my 3 yr old to help, I do it with her, I say you get all the blocks and I will get the dolls, and she is eager to help... maybe she is just overwhelmed? We also just started the rule that you can't get a different toy out until the other one is picked up. That works wonders for us.
As far as the 5 yr old goes, when you ask him to do something don't make it an option... instead of "will you take the trash out" say "Take the trash out please" and had him the bag of trash. If he puts it down, tell him nicely but firmly, you need to do that now, if he argues then there is a consequense for disrespecting, like no tv until the trash is done, etc. He will learn to do it right away. I don't think that it is an allowance thing, you just need to be firm in your expectations and understand that they are very young and the little ones will need help learning how to pick up, and the 5 yr old will need to be given 1 instruction at a time, not a list of things that need done. you could also try a chore chart for him, and it needs done before... whatever. Be firm, be strong, they are stepping on you, you need to nip that in the bud right now.
Hello Kate:
I don't think five is too young for the chores you're having him do. We never tied chores to allowance or "rewards" unless the kids did chores that were above and beyond the normal running the household stuff, like cleaning out the inside of my car, or washing windows or something.
We started chores when our kids were three by having them make their bed. Now of course, we would "help" them initially, maybe even for the first year, (I can't remember exactly because I'm over forty now and losing brain cells by the second!) But eventually it became their responsiblity alone.
Another chore we had them do at three or four was to sort socks in the laundry. They'd learn to match up pairs and fold them together.
You could make a chart for one chore to be done on each week day for your two older kids. Or another idea I've heard of is to write down each chore on a small piece of paper. Fold them and put them into a jar or basket. Each day your kids get to pick one out to complete before lunch or dinner. You can even put some silly ones in there to keep it fun for them.
If my kids would ever start whining about doing something, I'd sigh and say "You know what, I don't want to do my chores today either. I think I won't make lunch today. I don't feel like it. And I definitely don't want to do that yucky, boring laundry. I think I'll just leave your favorite shirt in their for another week. And I don't feel like going grocery shopping either..." They'd get the idea!
Good luck!
I believe a lot has to do with personality, but also the approach, like not asking, stating what they need to do. That was very uncomfortable for me at first. I never speak in demands to anyone and don't like being spoken to that way, even in "firm but kind" terms. However, it's necessary, and it has actually helped me as a manager in my current position at work. My 3 kids are all very different, but my oldest balks at any chores. The others are more compliant. I think thats in part due to my "toughening" up. Re; allowances, we began at 7 with 50¢ per year IF all basic chores were completed. We did a lot of reminding , but now that the youngest is 10, if we have to ask more than once, no allowance. They also have the incentive of extra chores for more cash. My middle son is very interested in buying things so it works for him. The oldest is very casual about money and he hasn't been able to get allowance for months because he needs to be reminded all the time. He does do the lawn and gets money for that separate from the basics. For your kids, at 3 she needs you to be beside her cleaning up. He should be starting to since school is demanding that independence. We used the "black bag" for toys that weren't picked up. I had entire bags sit there and were never missed! Too many toys I guess. I think tying in allowances only works when the kid gets it, and I think 5 is young, but it all depends on the money awareness. 3 is too young. But other priveledges like TV could be earned.
I have had allowance and chores since my kids started school. We have certain things that are expected and they need to do their job. That's reading homework, dishes, trash, putting clothes away, whatever. If they don't get it done, no allowance. I explain that I don't get paid if my job isn't done and if I have to remind you, you're job isn't getting done. I always deduct allowance once or twice when they can't or don't get it done. Then I require them to use that money for their bills. Such as Halloween costumes, treats they'll need for school parties, Christmas gift exchange at school. If you start now at $5/week, you child will have $20-30 by Halloween. You'll be amazed what they will buy with their own money. They can use their money for birthday gifts when the parties start in school as well. It's not a full savings account in our house, it's a transfer of funds and financial responsibility. They can blow it on candy at a concession stand, but they may only have $10 for a costume on 10-15. Get the idea. My 5 year olds sure did. Then they also have pride in the fact that they "earned" and paid for specific things. We don't give PSP, Gameboys, Wii's etc. All have been earned!
If the 3 year old isn't doing her chores, and the 5 year old is left doing it all, no wonder you have to nag him to get things done! That is unfair to him. 3 years old is not too young to have consequences. You could use a reward jar, putting 5 red circles in it and if she doesn't behave then a circle gets taken away. At the end of a pre-determined amount of circles, she will get a prize. I think 3 is too young for an allowance as they are too young to understand the concept of money. At 5 years old, they are starting to learn about money in school, you could gently start. But it has to be age appropiate. I gave .50 in kinder, 1 dollar in 1st grade,2 in 2nd grade. and cut them off around 5th grade. The chores for doing that increased with each grade, but kinder and 1st were make your bed, do your homework, and 'anything else I ask'. For him, you could have put your toys away, take out the trash, get milk. If he doesn't do those things, then don't give him his allowance. Make sure that his allowance is specific to him, and not to the other children. Telling both of them to clean the living room when the mess isn't all his, is too much for a 5 year old if you know that the 3 year old isn't going to do it. I'm sure you can find rewards and consequences specific to each child that will motivate them, if you don't, then the 5 year old will start resenting the 3 year old and you. You must be so busy with all 3 of yours, especially the 18 month child, that maybe he can help you with your youngest for extra credit. Good Luck!
I started last year when my daughter was 4, I started with having her put our shoes in a line near the door, that has helped her learn not to just trow her shoes anywhere. And I also ask her to "tidy" up her playroom. Now that she is five she does those 2 things along with putting her clean clothes(drawer items) away. She does this and since we dont have alot of extra cash, I reward her with things like rented a video game or a movie, or letting her play outside a little longer. I know this "free" type of allowance will most likely only last another year or so since all her friends get cash so I figure when the time comes $5 a week would be what I would do. Hope this helps, and good luck!
My kids are 5 and 6. We have made them each a chore chart (simple 3 column chart with each day of the week). Each day they have 3 chores make their bed, set/clear the dinner table, and put their laundry in the hamper. After each chore is done they get a check mark, if I have to tell them more than once no check mark. If their chores are all done, at the end of the week they get $1.25 and we take them to the dollar store. If their chores aren't done we still take them to the dollar store with the lesser amount they "earned" for the week. It only took once for my son to realize that even though he gets some money if he doesn't do all his chores without reminders he can't purchase something from the dollar store. I know a lot of parents don't like to tie chores to money but I think its a great way to teach kids simple economics. If you work hard, do what your supposed to without being nagged at, you can buy the things you want. Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you!!
Who wouldn't run away from chores. To walk into a clean house that I didn't have to clean???!! When someone asks me at what age did my children start to make theri beds or help clean up their rooms I reply " early enough that they do not even remember". If we do all of the chores and then at age 3-5 suddenly realise that we will be doing this for life if we do not have outr childrn help we are in trouble. They realise that you have been doing it all along so why should you stop and why should they start! Children are very smart and have great radar...knowing when to dissappear when there is work. I had a sister who always had to go to the bathroom ( with a pained look on her face) whenever it was time for dishes ( everyone attributed it to a delicate indigestin). Later in life she told us how it worked like a charm.
If you think and allowance is a good thing then open up a bank account and take him to the bank to put the allowanance in the bank. Saving it for when he really wants something.Perhaps letting him keep a bit , but banking the rest. Having a piggy bank at home may seem like a more visual way of saving at first but the temptation to empty it will sonn be there ( especially if his/her friends see the piggy bank and all 'that money'.
Lastly, do not keep letting the eldest do all the cleanup. I did that for a while and later we found out how much the eldest truly resented it ( espcially as it was his sister and he somehow translated all of that into 'girls' don't have to clean up) Bad message. Find some sort of a 'carrot' so she cleans up after herself ( take awy desert or give hima a reward like money for his savings AND praise). Bad habit for her to get into too
Kate,
Check out the House Fairy, www.housefairy.org Pam Young, aka The House Fairy, has a list that details what responsibilities children should be able to accomplish at the different age levels. Her program is really inexpensive and has been a great resource for us with our son; he is really unmotivated when it comes to chores and work.
Contact me and I'll be happy to send you the list, I don't think I can publish it here due to legal issues. Just remember to keep the chores fun, but I have been known to take a hard line with my son (6 years old now). When we first had him setting the table he asked, for the 5th time, why he should have to when we've always done it. Exasperated I told him "If you want to eat dinner you'll set the table." One night without dinner changed his mind about that one chore. LOL!
Our son really needs to learn how to accomplish certain tasks by the time he leaves the house and how to be independent. By giving him responsibility now we are teaching him how to manage a household when he is ready for one.
Also check out FlyLady's site index:
http://www.flylady.net/pages/site_index.asp
Almost at the bottom of the page on the left side you'll see a pink box titled Flying With Kids. These links take you to ideas members have submitted on how to make housework fun with kids.
Good luck!
With my 2 1/2 year old, I simply ask him to pick up his toys and put his dishes in the sink. He loves to help. I have found that clapping and telling him what a good job he has done is a great reward for him. He loves it! Also, you may want to consider a sticker chart to put on the fridge. Each time they complete a task, they can put they're own sticker on the chart. Little ones love this! Good luck!
Rhonda
My oldest son is going to be 6 in 11 days (yikes, time flies!) and we have him do pretty simple tasks, like handing out cups to the younger kids, (they actually fight over this) helping with his 2 1/2 year old brother, such as putting his shoes on him or running to get a clean pair of underwear or washing him up for me occasionally after a meal (2 1/2 year old hates it though cuz only MOMMY should do it lol) or pushing chairs in, putting away groceries etc...
We will not pay our kids an allowance because helping out and doing chores is something that is everyone's responsibility, we are a family and we work together. If he decides to not want to help (very rarely) then he does not participate in family activities. If he doesn't want to help put away clean clothes (he does his and his brother's) then I tell him that he can't wear any because part of haveing clothes is folding (he does pants, undies, socks, some shirts, washclothes, and towels) and putting away the things.
Now if they do an odd job, like raking leaves or something that isn't a normal thing then we do reward them with a treat. They don't these things that often, so we haven't paid them. Oh! My dad had them pick up soda pop cans/bottles from his basement and they got to keep the money from that. Again, an odd job.
Families need to work together, and if one member doesn't help, then it can all come loose. My oldest asked once why he had to pick up and put away the shoes. I told him because he is part of our family and we help each other, and look out for one another, cuz if the shoes weren't picked up, someone could trip and fall.
A sticker chart can be good to track progress and can be rewarded, but if we did that, I would pick something the family could do together, like go out to eat, play a game, go to a park etc. so it would keep the family together. Families these days can be so distant, though in the same house. When you do chores, involve the 5 year old and the 3 year old together, with you, and it would be happier. Even your youngest can do things (my youngest loves haveing a rag to wash the walls). Together you can do it, as a unit! Oh, and also, put on some fun music, sing, laugh and make the chores fun! Who can resist that! Tell your 3 year that you are going to have fun and play a game of clean up the house! Remember, "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" and every job there is to do there is a hint of fun, just find it! Mary Poppins! Ah gatta love her! Now there is a super nanny!
God Bless You!
Kate,
When I first introduced "chores" to my children, we used a picture system. I would put the picture of what I wanted done on one side; and, when it was done they moved it to the "finished" side. If I checked and it wasn't done, I moved it back and asked them to go check their job board to make sure. My husband and I decided not to do an "allowance" per se; however, we told them if they wanted to do something (movies, shopping, school activities) then they would be provided the money to do that. It has actually worked out very well; and, surprising ly they don't even gripe about it (almost 13 and 10). It has resulted in my son earning his own money to pay his own way on a school trip that is about $700.00! Sometimes I still have to "nag" but I always attach it with, "You know you might want to go to the football game." It usually is motivating for both. Good luck! And, good for you to start early!
barb
Good Morning Kate!
Let me just say you are SO WISE to start asking and addressing this questions while your children are so young!!
There are SO MANY things that little ones can do, even at 2 and 3 years old!! (And at this age they love to spend time with adults and copy what they are doing.. so it really is a WIN/WIN situation!!)
Dusting (put a sock on their hand.. pretend it is a puppet that is eating up all the "dirtys".)
Wiping Table/Bathroom counters/
sweeping/vaccuming/swiffering (we have a light vaccume for our wood floors my 4 year old LOVES to use in the kitchen)
Putting away the toy we got done playing with BEFORE we get out a new one.
Putting our dirty dishes in the sink
Emptying plastic dishes from the dishwasher
Putting away simple clean laundry (like maybe socks or PJ's)
These are just a few ideas!! The main thing is for it to be simple for them to do. And just know that they are not going to do it perfect for a while.. so if you like the idea of your children helping as they get older... applaud and cheer their efforts now. Than after they have been doing it for a little while, you can help show them little ways to make it neater.
Our philosophy for allowances is to NOT tie them to household chores. As a SAHM I don't get paid to do them.. they are just part of being in a family and taking care of the space where we live. Most kids start learning money in Kindergarten.. they really have no idea how much money is before this. (My 4 year old thought a new car cost a quarter!) We like to start off giving the kids $3 a week so they can buy lunch one day a week at school (if they choose) OR they can make their lunches and save the money for something else.
That's just what we do.. maybe you can find it helpful!
Good Luck and God Bless!
Belinda
We started allowance for my girls about a year ago. The girls are now 7 and 4 1/2. We started with a system that used magnets that we stuck to the fridge, each week they would take turns choosing the jobs they wanted for that week (feed the dogs, set the table, dishes, laundry, trash, general cleaning) and we would put those pictures under their names. At the end of the week if they were pretty consistent at doing their jobs, they each got $2.00 that they could save for some of the things they wanted to buy. That worked for a while, but then we started forgetting to set up the chores each week, and it lost the appeal. So we do it a little differently now. I made up a chart that I laminated with two columns, one for each girl, and the jobs listed under (feed the dogs, laundry, trash, cleaning & helping). Whenever the girls help with one or more of these things they get to make a mark on the chart with a dry erase marker. When the chart gets full, or they are asking to buy something special we add up the checks. Each check is worth 25 cents. This helps my older daughter with math/money skills to find out how much we owe her.
This has helped them want to help so much more, and it has helped curb the "can I have" at the store. I just tell them, "that's not something we have budgeted for right now, but if you would like to use your allowance money or save up for it that is your choice." Then if it is something they really want we keep track and save up for it, if it's not something they want to use their money for, they drop it pretty quickly. I think this is a good way to help teach them about money and economics in our society.
The girls actually are pretty good about the chores. My youngest LOVES to clean and will ask me if she can help me clean. I just give her baby wipes and tell her go for it! They also both have to put away their own laundry (needed a little help in the beginning to learn where things go, but now are pros!), and they help gather the trash from the rooms for trash day, and help load the dishwasher, or wash some dishes (good time killer!), My youngest also loves to clean the mirrors- we have a couple full-length mirrors that I spray with windex and give her the paper towel and she does a pretty good job- uses the step stool to reach the top too, they also use the measured scoop to feed the dog in the evenings. They are a big help and have learned that everyone needs to help out around the house to get things done. We also remind them that the sooner we get the chores done, the sooner we can play together, that usually gets them helping out.
good luck
Laura
My son will be 3 in a few months and I ask him to pick up after himself as much as possible. Today he had 2 pairs of shoes out (just because he wanted them out) and I told him that he had to put them away before he could sit and eat lunch. He also unmade his bed that I already made so he had to help re-make it before we could go outside. I try to tell him (if I see he's going to be making a huge mess) that he has to pick up his stuff when he's done with it. I also try to get him to aknowledge what I said so it's not a fight when I say it's time to clean up. He might be young but I noticed that when we go places and I say it's time to clean up he's pretty good about, actually he impresses me sometimes. I try not to yell or threaten him I just say you can't do ____ until _____ is done. He gets the idea pretty quick. Especially if it's something he wants to do. I haven't started the monetary thing yet though. I probably won't for a while. Good luck and hope that helped!
I have a son in first grade and a daughter in kindergarten and they have been getting an allowance for just over a year. It all started when I found this responsibility chart at staples, for young children this works great. I would put six things on the chart that they should do and every nite we would go over the chart and they would get checkmarks for the things they did example(no hitting, pick up toys, make bed, feed dog, help mom)They have about 20 different goals. At the end of the week if they got all of the checks in that row they got a quarter, so if they got all of the checks on the board they could earn $1.50 each that week. But if they missed three check marks then no allowance that week. Because they are young I do remind them by saying things like I know you really want that check mark for making your bed so I'll check back in a few minutes. This works most of the time and when it doesn't they learn about consiquences. I hope this helps, it made a world of difference in our home. Good luck Shannon
I am a mother/step-mother to 4 children, 2 girls (10 & 8) and 2 boys (6 & 3). The older 3 are my step-children and one day they came home from their mother's house and stated that they now recieve allowance for getting things done around the house. That brought up the discussion in our household about allowance. My fiance and I agreed that if the parents do not get paid for cleaning the house and keeping up with the chores then no one in the household should (for the most part anyway). My children are expected to clean their rooms when told and if they take 3 hours to do it then that is less time that they have to play outside. I do not nag them to get it done unless of course they start coming to me every 2 minutes telling on each other. If I do notice that the children are palying instead of cleaning then I may set a rule for that instance, for every 20 minutes that it takes you to clean your room, you will get 1 minute in the time out chair.
My daughters are old enough to take care of their own clothes so that is something that I have them do. When I come walking up the basement stairs with their clothes, I hear "Ugh, not now. I don't want to." I tell them they have an option, they can take care of their stuff now or, for example, take care of them while we are watching a family movie. You would be amazed at how fast they get up and do it right then.
I also do remind my children, on occasion, that I do not want to do my chores either, and we all know the list of chores that can pile up on us moms, but if I wait to do my chores then they will become worse and harder to do. I let them know that it is a very important part of being a family and "helping" in keeping the house clean. No one really wants to live in a messy house and the more help that us mothers get the better.
One day though, I was running around the house like a chicken with my head cut off doing all types of cleaning and all of a sudden my 10 year old comes up to me and asks me if she can vaccume the house ( I have a 2 story, wood floor house...let's just say..lot's to vaccume) I reminded her of what rooms and where she would need to vaccume and she said that that was fine and that she knows that I had alot of other cleaning to do so she wanted to help. You can probably imagine how happy I was to hear that I would save about 40 minutes worth of my time cleaning because of my wonderful step-daughter volunteering herself to do it. Her father and I gave her $5 afterwards and explained to her that she got that money because that was a GREAT help and she did it willingly.
Kids will learn the importance of keeping a house clean and contributing as a family if the right approaches are taken. I know that it is different in every household but the approach that seems to work best for me is to tell them their options, "ok so you don't want to pick up your toys? I understand but they need to picked up so you can......come sit with mommy on the couch and cuddle, play outside sooner, have ice cream with us....anything that fits"
The reasons for them getting their stuff done "now" are usually reward enough.