My son regularly sneaks into the pantry and takes food without asking. My husband and I are at our wits' end because he just keeps doing it. We've talked with him about stealing and how it hurts our family and how it makes God sad. We've spanked him when we've caught him in the act. We've yelled; we've taken away priveleges; we've even gone so far as to deny him more food until the next family meal, usually lunch. We've given him his own cupboard for a while where he could take the bag of cereal or granola bar and just eat it without having to ask, but he still takes food without asking. We always pray with him after he does it, we encourage him to ask God for forgiveness, and we forgive him. I just don't know what else to do...he's been doing this for more than a year. Unfortunately, there is no way to lock our pantry door, otherwise we would, and we have put up a baby gate, but of course, he's smart enough to open it.
I have a three-year-old daughter, and she eats and snacks continuously throughout the day. While I try to keep mostly nutritious food on hand, she does eat a variety of snacks. I would never consider her "stealing" food, regardless of if she took it out of the pantry or not. Kids this age are growing, and having a child that wants to eat is something to be thankful for. As a former child care provider, the USDA recommends two snacks in addition to the three meals, in other words, the child can eat every 2 hours or so. If you are making a big deal about his taking food, you should consider that he's doing it to get your attention. Are you giving him positive attention as well by making time for him with other activities? I disagree with any form of punishment for a child getting food. If you are seriously concerned, talk to your pediatrician and see what he recommends.
My 4 yr old seems to want to eat all the time. He does usually ask first though. He has a shelf for his food in the pantry and a drawer in the fridge. I only worry about him asking first because if its close to a meal time I'll make him wait or go ahead and prepare that meal for him instead of letting him snack.
My 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 year old snack all the time. They have a shelf in the pantry and a shelf in the refrigerator. I also find that they tend to want to snack more in the morning than in the afternoon, maybe he needs an extra scheduled snack in the morning. Although they know they are supposed to ask, they sometimes get things without asking first. We have a talk about why they need to ask first, it being to close to meal time or bedtime, but I would not punish them for eating.
Perhaps a new approach to how you deal with it would put an end to the situation, often times when we focus on something so much the child keeps doing it because they like the attention they are getting. Maybe you could try just telling him no and explaining why he has to ask first, then let it be, I bet after a week he would stop doing it because he is no longer getting all the attention from doing it.
I dont consider taking food from your own kitchen as "stealing". If he was taking food from classmates at school, or shop-lifting from the grocery store, that would be stealing.
You should be happy you have a child that wants to eat. Have you considered that perhaps he is taking the food without asking because he thinks you will say no... and he is hungry?
I would never, ever punish my child for getting food. I am relieved that my son is old enough (7) to get food himself and that he is making good food choices. He doesnt eat close to meals because I make sure he gets a morning and afternoon snack when he is home, so he isn't ever super hungry.
My religious beliefs are quite different from yours, but even so, I can't see having my kid ask God for forgiveness because he was hungry and helped himself to some food in his own house. (That just sends the wrong message about God. Im sure you have him pray for forgiveness for "stealing"... but I disagree with your view that it is stealing) It's great that he's being independent and self-sufficient - you should encourage these traits not seeek to squash them. Let go of some of the control and only give him healthy choices. He may be doing it for the attention - and once he doesnt get attention, the behavior may stop. Or if he's doing it because he's hungry, it will probably continue.
Wow. I must say that I'm in total agreement with Skye (the previous poster) on this one. "Stealing" is a little harsh and telling him that this "stealing" hurts his family..... The kid just wants something to eat. You have to pick your battles and I seriously think your energy and effort would be better spent on something that really raises concern. A growing boy wanting something to eat at an unscheduled time is so not a big deal. The fact that he is independent enough to go and get himself a snack is a blessing! Especially since I see that you have a little one on the way. Be thankful for your firstborn's independence and just make sure you fill up the pantry with nutritious options, so what he chooses will not be an issue. Let go a little before this newborn comes into the family, or you're going to have a very stressful road ahead of you. I don't mean to sound harsh in any way! I just want you to see how easy it would be to turn this behavior into a positive thing for this little guy who's about to be a big brother. Embrace any independence he has b/c it'll be SO HELPFUL to you when the baby comes home.
Hi Jackie,
It sounds like you have a little boy with a big appetite. My oldest daughter used to do the same thing your son is doing. When I would be tending to my younger daughter, she would go into the pantry and find things to munch on. I didn't tell her she was stealing. What I told her was that she wasn't allowed to get food without Mommy's permission.
I would feed her three solid meals a day, plus at least one snack in the morning and one in the afternoon most days. But she would still say that she was hungry. What I noticed was that the more she munched throughout the day on little items, the less she wanted to eat during the main meals, and it seemed like she was constantly eating, eating, eating.
When she was about three or four, we put a child-proof handle on the pantry so she couldn't get in there. Then she went for the refrigerator! So we put one on there, too. I kept stressing to her that she needed to eat lots of healthy food at breakfast, lunch and dinner, then she wouldn't want to eat so much the rest of the time.
When the childproof locks were on the refrig/pantry she didn't like it. She started coming to me several times each morning and afternoon for a snack. I had to keep telling her that one snack between meals was enough. If she truly seemed hungry because she had been extra active, I would give her a second snack in the a.m. or p.m.
There is not reason why three square meals and two, maybe three snacks a day aren't enough for a four year old. They often act like they're hungry out of boredom or because they like getting attention from us.
What ended up working out finally for us was: making her snack time at a specific time each day (she likes routine) and: making sure that she was really getting enough to eat at her main meals, then giving her a higher protein or high fiber snack. What I call a snack might be some peanut butter on whole wheat crackers, some cheese cubes, some cut-up apples with peanut butter or caramel, or some rolled up turkey slices. I also would have her drink a lot of water with that snack, because many times they are not getting enough fluid and that makes them think they are hungry. Eventually we were able to take the locks off and she stopped sneaking into the pantry, because she knew what time her snacktime was and would begin to look forward to it.
She still acts hungry at times outside of snacks and meals, but at this point, I can almost tell if her hunger is from boredom or stress and deal with that issue.
One other thing - I let my children have water or skim milk whenever they wish and don't count the milk as a snack. If they are truly hungry, the skim milk will take the edge off the hunger.
Prayer is always good, but try to make sure that he doesn't equate wanting to eat with being a bad person. Make sure he knows that you are praying with him to be obedient to you just like God wants us to be obedient to Him. It sounds like he might not totally understand what he is doing, but he seems so hungry when he does it.
One more thing (I'm sorry this is so long): why is he so hungry? People get hungry for so many reasons. Have you had his blood sugar checked? If it is off, it can cause constant hunger. He might have some other medical issue. And like I said before, he might be doing it out of boredom. Maybe he needs to be doing more stimulating things to get his mind off food? I have dealt with this issue with myself and my daughter, so my heart is with you.
Blessings,
Sharon
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Dear Jackie,
This has been going on for a year, since he was three years old. He is NOT a bad kid!!!! I agree with all that the previous posters have written. Here are my two cents:
Thank God for his independence when you are pregnant.
Involve your pediatrician.
His "stealing" is rewarding him with extra love and attention. He is getting wonderful, delightful attention (doesn't matter if it's positive or negative) from both of his parents, AND from God for his "negative" activities. His negative behavior is being reinforced.
Taking food from the family's pantry is not stealing. When your children are older, you will learn what "picking your battles" means. This is a "crazy-making" battle.
If I have food in the pantry, cupboards, or fridge that I am saving for a recipe or special meal, I put it out of everyone's (including my husband's) reach, view, or (sometimes) knowledge. =o)
If you and your husband still have a strong need for control in this area, try letting your son believe that he is "in charge" of the pantry. If the idea doesn't work, don't reprimand him, just tell him that you've stopped using that idea and you're going to try something else.
Spanking teaches the child that hitting other people when you are angry is OK.
I've thought of some bad things that children might do that necessitate parents needing to pray with them and for them about the child's behavior:
Deliberately injuring or killing animals or other people.
Playing with knives, sharp scissors, or fire.
Running into busy streets or jumping off of rooftops.
Intentionally destroying property, breaking other people's things, breaking windows.
Using foul language in front of Grandma. =o)
I'd be very, very careful about dishing out negative attention. That new baby is going to be taking a whole lot of "his" attention away. He can do some very bad things to a new baby in order to get the negative attention that he is accustomed to.
Good luck and please go easy on him.
First of all it is in his own house so he is not stealing from anyone. If he can't take food from his house then where is he suppose to eat. Im being harsh on you because you are teaching him to dislike his own home. Bringing God in it when not necessary. He is more innocent right now then any adult in that house. Trying to teach a 4 yr old let alone a 3 yr old because you said he has been doing it for a year about stealing in his own home gets sticky. If he was taking money that was not his then that would be stealing. Taking food is not stealing. I think you need to consult your pastor on this issue unless he is the one telling you it is stealing. Maybe then you need to consult someone else.
He is 4 yrs old and needs more snacks and food then you yourself do. If there is junk food in the pantry move it higher. Keep only the canned goods down low. Offer him several healthy snacks several times a day. He should have 3 meals a day and at least 2 snacks and I can tell you my kids eat 3 snacks along with 3 meals. Sometimes I think they are eating all day. Not a single one of my 4 kids are overweight or even chuncky. If he is having a weight issue then you better talk to you pediatrician about a better plan because when you tell a overweight person they can not have food that is just what they will do is eat more. You will create a life long weight issue for him.
Hi To Both of you,
I too am a Christian.
I believe you both are doing what you can. You must continue showing him this is wrong.
Set him down and ask him why he is doing these things.
maybe he will try to tell you.
Could it be you having another child soon could be making him jealous?
I would have special moments with him. Talk to him.
Play with him.
I feel you both are doing this and are doing a great job.
He is till learning and challenging you both.
Just show him your strong love.
Maybe put some food in that pantry and tell him he is welcome to it.
Maybe in time he will see that it does not bother you both because you have given him permission.
Have a good day Today
Vicki W.
I have to agree with everyone else, eating food in your own home is not stealing. Sounds like you have a little man with a big appetite. He is the only one that knows when he is hungry or not. My 4-year-old eats at least every 3-4 hours, sometimes every couple hours depending on how much and what he ate. He usually asks for something, however, he has at times gone in and made a peanut butter sandwich without asking, usually when I'm busy feeding the baby.
Someone else mentioned setting him up for eating problems in the future and I have to agree. If you keep calling it stealing and keep making him feel bad for being hungry and wanting to eat, then he will eventually get better at hiding it and that will cause major trouble. If it is something you really don't want him to have, put it up high out of his sight and reach. Keep his things on a shelf in the pantry with everyone else's food, but at a level where he can reach it. No need to tell him "this is your stuff you can have only this". You know he is going in to get something when he is hungry, just keep stuff in there that you want him to have and let him get it when/if he wants it. Singling out food that he can or cannot have is pretty pointless to a 4-year-old....he won't remember, so it is best to keep what you don't want him to have up high where he can't see or reach, and keep some snack foods down low that he can get.
As the baby arrives and you are busied with newborn baby things, you will be glad he is so independent. My baby is 5 months old now and when my 4-year-old is able to do something for himself while I'm helping the baby it is WONDERFUL!
He's just hungry. Not mean or bad, just hungry.
I would talk to the pediatrician. He could have some kind of medical condition making him do this. Could even be something along the lines of a tape worm. Once you have ruled that out, then go to the next step. Wish I could give you better advice, but short of putting a lock on the door, I don't know what else you could do.
What kind of food is he taking?If its junk food get it out of the house now and only have good food in the house.He is growing so needs to eat.Have only healthy snack food.My boys were allowed to eat when ever they wanted..only the good stuff and they grew up fine.Not over weight and they know the value of food.
Have you checked him for parasites?If he has worms they will make him hungry has they will take the nurtrients away from him.
Is he an emtional eater?Bored eater?Attention gettin eater?These are a few thing to consider as well..good luck
Shirley B
I'm just curious why you think getting food in the home where he lives is stealing? Is it candy or food he isn't supposed to eat except at special times? I would think you would want him to become independent and be able to get food or drink in his own house and not have to bother you. Maybe I don't understand something about your rules about food or you are strict about eating only at mealtimes. Kids his age haven't developed the maturity to really understand what you mean when you say he's stealing and needs forgiveness from God. Its not until they're 7 or 8 that they can truly have empathy and put themselves in someone else's place. Also, a 4 year old doesn't have that kind of impulse control, especially if he's hungry. From the information you've given though it sounds like you're making a lot more out of it than you should and he's on his way to an eating disorder. He just wants some food, and heaping all that stuff on him about "stealing" and asking God's forgiveness seems overboard to me.
I have a 16 yr old grandson that has this same problem.
He constantly thinks about food and as soon as one meal is finished, he is asking what we will have for the next meal.
It sounds like your son is the same way. They cannot help it. It is a medical condition. I recommend you talk to an endocrinologist. From what I understand, their brain is telling them to eat. Please do not punish him, he cannot help himself.
This is most disturbing. Jackie, your son is NOT stealing. He is 4 years old and lives in your house because you chose to give birth to him! Unless he is rapidly gaining weight and this is a health concern, he isn't doing anything wrong. What is wrong with you? Your entry is horrifying! You are sick! You are going to destroy that precious little boy. This is unbelievable!
4 year old boys have healthy appetites! Your sick approach to remedy this situation has got to stop! He must be starving to death to defy you after such traumatic behavior on your part. I don't know any Christian mom who would consider anything you have said appropriate! It is so upsetting. I cannot believe I have discovered such horror in my favorite e-mail. I am very concerned for your little boy and for your child on the way. I think you need to seek professional help as soon as possible. Anyone that could have written something like that in a public forum has to be in desperate need. What your son needs is 3 hearty meals, plus 4-5 snacks a day, and somewhere healthy to rest his head at night. I am hopeful that a family member or someone close enough to your network will be alarmed by this entry and move to help your son.
Shame on you for not knowing better! I will be thinking about your son and hoping his mother will wake up and provide a stable environment for her family. And shame on your husband for taking part in such sickness!
My mother is a dietician. She told me that little children's stomachs are smaller than adults and they need several small meals per day. Try feeding him breakfast, healthy snack, lunch, healthy snack after naptime, supper, healthy snack before bedtime. He may just be a hungry growing child. Don't buy food or keep food in your house that you do not want him to eat and you will make everyone's life easier, your son included.
Have you ever thought that he may be hungry? My middle child, a boy, eats every 30 minutes to 1 hour. He is 9 and has been doing this since he was 5! I asked the doctor about it and he said as long as he wasn't gaining weight and I helped him to make the right choices, he didn't see a problem in it. My son has an internal clock that at 30 minutes to 1 hour he asks how long it has been since his last snack and it is precisely 30 minutes to 1 hour! He doesn't eat junk, he is just a growing, active boy who needs his energy!
I also give my kids free reign of the pantry! To me it isn't stealing! They live here with me and can eat whatever and they are not overweight. There are certain things that I ask that they ask me about first since I might need it for a recipe or something, but is not unusual for my kids (11, 9 and 5) to be creative and come up with something to eat on their own. I have an issue with people trying to hide what they are eating because I feel that that will lead to obesity as adults. I had that problem growing up that I would "sneak" food and now I am obese. I still sometimes find myself sneaking food so my husband doesn't see me! I don't want my kids like that.
Jackie -
You may not be able to lock your pantry but you can certainly move things around! Store your dry goods, canned food, etc. on the shelves he can reach. Also, what has worked with my two girls over the years is the "fruit rule". I always have fresh or frozen fruit in the house and they can have it anytime they want. (With the exception of 30 minutes before a meal). Perhaps giving him free rein in one area like this will take away the need for him to sneak around.
And like others have said before me please be careful with the message you are sending your son. I am afraid you are setting him up to have a very unhealthy relationship with food. It's not only girls who develop eating disorders.