3 year old son who loves girly things

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1

I have a three year old that is very interested in girl toys, dress ups, etc. It started about the time he was 2. He has an older sister who has barbies. He would go in her room and steal them and play with them. If there is a movie, toy, or tv program, he focuses on the girl. He pretends to be a girl. He loves mermaids and disney princesses. He has some interest in boy toys, but when we are at the store, he wants to go right to the pink section. He steals my daughters clothes to dress up in. We have a superman cape that he will sometimes wear, but plays longer in girl dress ups. We try not to discourage, but don't really encourage. I can't stop him from grabbing a shirt from the laundry. I do have him get back in his own clothes before we leave the house, but I let him wear whatever he wants when we are in the house. He plays with boys and girls. We are trying to introduce more "characters" then princesses, such as peter pan and pinnochio.

My concern is much more with identity, then if he has leanings towards being gay. I don't think dressing up like a girl makes you gay, but I do think that it may cause some gender identity problems. I would hate for him to feel uncomfortable in his own skin....but, I also think that we help shape our children and I don't really want to indulge him with all of his choices. He does play with his older brother and their play is based on less "frilly" things.

I also would like to hear from other moms who have been through this...especially if your children are older, like school age. I worry about him finding a peer group when he gets older.

2

Both of my grandsons wore high heels and tutu’s for awhile, their older sister is 3 years older than them. She is their idol.
The boys are now 6 and 8 and you cant get them out of the dirt and wont see them wearing pink… unless they are having sister time in the bedroom.

3

He plays with things that are cute and pretty and that his older sister likes. Sounds pretty normal to me! I have two boys and they love the girly things too. We just make sure they are balanced with the boys type items., for example, they wanted a Tinkerbell poster for their room, so we got that and a Super Mario one. When he is older, he will have more playdates and socialization with boys.

4

Good for him. I do not have a clue why we even have ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ toys. Gender identity is a spectrum and there is no reason at all why having a penis means you can’t wear a pink cape.

I was curious as to why you are trying to introduce characters. We worked really hard to avoid all that corporate marketing. We have thankfully avoided both superheroes and princesses (although I do see some socially redeeming qualities in superheroes and not a one in princesses).

ALL the kids (boys and girls) in my son’s preschool played much more with the ‘girl’ dress up things - to be honest they were better - more colorful, longer, swirlier and there were simply more of them.

Pink was a ‘male’ color until fairly recently. It was the dilution of red - appropriate for young men and way too powerful for women or girls. Blue was the ‘pretty’ color - not too strong and just right for girls. Purple was also associated with power (and royalty) - it was appropriate for men and the dilution - lavender - was for boys only.

There is nothing ‘male’ about lego. In the 70s (when I grew up) it was marketed equally to boys and girls. And oddly enough - both girls and boys played with it. Somewhere along the line Lego gave up marketing to girls and (oddly enough) when they put the lego in the blue section of the store - girls stopped playing with it (not 100% but pretty close to it). Their new ‘girly’ lego is simply pathetic.

5

Mother of two boys (6 and 9) and sister to 4 brothers (24, 26, 30, and 33). Girl toys sparkle! They make fun noises. They shine, they are pretty, they feel fun!
My brothers used to get into my makeup ALL THE TIME! Not because they were confused about their identity but because makeup is like paint! They are all manly men with wives.
When I was a child I played with legos, lincoln logs, blocks, cars and GI Joe characters. I had 4 brothers! It sounds like your son is close in age to your daughter. I am as straight as they come despite the fact that I mostly played with boy toys.
It’s pretty silly if you think about it. Just let your son play.
Laura

6

Both of my kids went through this phase. My daughter when she was 3 only wanted boy things. I remember that Christmas all the Spiderman and Superman toys that she got. I soon discovered that her preschool class was all boys so she just adapted. She outgrew it when she was about 4 and became very girly. My son’s preschool teacher sent home a picture of him at age 2 wearing a Belle princess dress. HE would also run around in my daughter’s tinkerbell costumes and did it as most recently as a few months ago at age 5. He would go to the toy store and request dolls. I didn’t make a big deal of it. Right now at almost 6 he is very boyish, except when he wants to have his nails polished or take a dance class like his sister. I really don’t think this has anything to do with any possibility of being gay. He just wants what she has and identifies with her. If he had an older brother, he would probably be stealing his football gear too. Don’t make a big deal of it and it will probably go away. I would also continue to not have him dress up out of the house. One of my daughter’s classmates did wear girl clothes to school and he was made fun of.

7

I was a nanny to a little boy who loved what big sister did. Wanted to wear her dresses, barrettes, dress-up clothes. It horrified the neighbors, who were seniors, because his parents and I just let him. He wanted to play tea party with big sister and her friends. Took her Polly Pocket stuff to his room to play…

And, of course, he’s older now. No gender issues. Plays legos, plays soccer, loves Star Wars, has male friends. Dresses and looks entirely BOY. Kids just like what they like when they’re little and don’t have any preconceived notions of “who gets to play/do this or that”.

For what it’s worth, my son loves nail polish because his best friend across the street happens to be a girl and they like doing that together. He recently wanted to spend his allowance on nail polish and had pretty colorful nails for a while. I let him play dress-up as he chooses (sometimes he wants a skirt like his friend, sometimes he wants a cape). He likes some cute girly stuff and his Tonka trucks and making mudpies. And sometimes, he talks about wanting to grow up to be a woman so he can ‘have babies’. We gently remind him that he’s a boy and don’t sweat it. Most of his friends at school are boys who love to play in the sand and dirt with him. He’s now saving up his allowance for a sword and shield.

Kids will be kids, they’ll be who they are in this very moment. I played ‘boy’ roles from time to time as a kid and am married with a husband and son. No gender identity issues. My little brother had all sorts of hairstyles and makeup put on him (we treated him like one of those Beauty Barbie heads) and is married to a woman and has two girls. Please do not worry about this. Your son is going to be who he’s going to be; a few months or even a year or two of identifying with his sister will not harm him irreparably. I’m guessing that by the time he’s five or so, he’ll likely be more interested in what his brother is doing.

And after some thinking, I should add this: if my son were to be gay, I would have zero problems with this. After all, we know it isn’t a “choice”, right?

8

If your son has gender identity problems, it will not be because he played dress up at age 3. He is a small child, he has NO IDEA of the gender stereotypes, lines, boundaries, and expectations the rest of the world expects. Seriously, none. He just knows he’s having fun and he likes these things.

You are reading WAY too much into this. Clothing does not cause gay. It does not cause wanting to be another gender. He’s a kid, and that’s all he knows what to be. Kids do this, that’s all. Does squash your child, because you have silly notions about dressing up causing identity issues.

9

Alright! Go check out my profile pic, do I look anything but a woman? I am a tomboy through and through. I played with mostly my brother’s stuff, my brother’s friends. I never lost site of being a girl/woman.

When I was eight I helped my uncles finish the basement. I was taught to use power tools. I rebuilt cars with my brother when I was fourteen.

Are you getting this? I am still very much and identify very much with being female!

I do not understand why people won’t bat an eye when a girl does exactly what your son is doing but oh my god, what am I doing with my son!!? You are letting him be himself. You want to mess him up? Make a big deal out of this so he thinks he is a freak! My parents made tons of mistakes with me, letting me enjoy the tasks I wanted to enjoy was one of their better decisions.

I have never wanted to be a man, why do you think your son wants to be a woman?

10

I’m a nanny for a 3 year old boy who loves to wear his big sister’s heels because they make him feel pretty, lol!
Other than that he’s all boy.

11

My son was just a baby when I divorced my husband. And, even before that, most of his time was spent around me and his sister who is 10 years older than him.

Trust me, at that age, I truly believe that kids are “generic”.
My son played with my daughter’s Barbies, he loved wearing my shoes, and, there were plenty of days he’d throw a fit if he couldn’t have a hair pretty in his hair because Mommy and Sissy had one. I have pictures of my son with barrettes and rubber bands in his hair. I used to sit on the edge of my spa bathtub and he would brush and “curl” my hair for hours (with the curling iron unplugged). He was obsessed with toy kitchen sets and toy vaccuum cleaners. He had his own little broom and apron. When we went shopping, he would tug at the bottom of something on the rack and say, “Oh, this is SO cute!” If he was in the cart and could reach, he would hold skirts and feminine tops up to himself.

He actually had pretty good taste in clothes.

My son will be 17 on the 28th of this month. He is 6’2", weighs 200 pounds and is very much a masculine young man in every sense of the word. There is nothing at all girly about him. That said, he knows how to cook, clean, sew. A few years ago, a male coworker had a fit when he heard that I was buying my son his own sewing machine. I said, “What is he supposed to do when he grows up? Make his Mommy sew everything for him?” He answered, “NO! He’s supposed to get married and make his WIFE do it!”

Ummmmm, no.

My son will make a great husband one day. He is an amazing uncle to my grandson and wants children of his own.

My nephew went through a phase where his favorite color was pink. He wanted EVERYTHING pink. He threw a fit over wanting pink Power Ranger slippers. My sister suggested the green ones or the blue ones. Nothing doing. He wanted the pink ones.

He outgrew it. He hunts and fishes and always has beautiful girlfriends.

I really think it’s just a phase. Children this young don’t understand sexuality and I know first hand that my son and nephew don’t have any gender identity issues because they were interested in “girly” things at a very young age. Your son will feel uncomfortable in his skin if you make him feel uncomfortable about it. This is my opinion.

My husband, who was a “macho” control freak didn’t even have any problems with our son having a hair pretty in his hair or whatever. He was over it well before kindergarten

I think it’s too soon to worry or make an issue of it.
Again…this is just my personal opinion.

12

My nephew did this too. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think it’s just a phase.

13

My son did same thing at same age. Loved all things pink & sparkly, wanted to wear my lipstick & shoes, was jealous baby sister had dresses and he didn’t.

Trust me, he grew out of it. Now he wouldn’t be caught dead in anything “girly”.

My advice is to not react, this too shall pass. In kindergarten kiddos tend to segregate by gender, and boys quickly learn girls & girly things have cooties. :slight_smile:

14

My youngest nephew was the same way. He loved all things girly. He would strike a pose and stand like a girl, did the swishy walk, hands on the hips and everything. He went through a HUGE My Lil’ Pony stage and a Barbie stage too. We just went with it. *He didn’t do the dress up thing but I think that had more to do with the fact that we had NO girls in the family and nothing for him to dress up in.

We worried about all the same things as you are now. I know you can’t help but worry but really, there is nothing you can do about any of it! You can’t really change anything…whatever will be, will be. Right?

~He is now 12 almost 13, going into Jr. High next year and has totally grew out of it. He has TONS of friends and LOTS of them are girls too! He is very much comfortable in front of the girls and has NEVER been shy to be around them or talk to them in any way…which is a lot different than all the other boys in our family, when the others were around this age they were fully in the awkward around girls phase but this nephew skipped right over that stage, so I think some good came from all the ‘girly’ imaginary play.

15

I agree with everyone else, it’s just being a small child. I have all boys and my oldest two have both loved to wear my shoes, my lip gloss, watch strawberry shortcake and my little pony and then right after go dig in the dirt. My oldest is now going to be 5 next month and is so much more into super heroes and wrestling. Suddenly he wants to do every single thing his daddy does and he doesn’t have time for my little pony. He is all boy and is not nearly as into ‘girly’ things as he was at 3. Children just love happiness and fun, color and imaginitive play. The other day at the store there was a mannequin in bra and panties and there was my son frozen and staring in awe :wink: My husband asked him ‘do you like that’ he say ‘uh huh!’ LOL My hubby said, ‘good, now come on!’ No matter what color clothes they play in as a toddler, they grow up way too fast!!! Just enjoy his babyness and don’t worry :slight_smile:

16

My 19 year old son LOVES my little pony :slight_smile: He’s all male :slight_smile:

17

My 6yr old son has an older sister so he has always had that ‘girl’ influence around him so to speak. He likes to play with her so of course he has asked for littlest pet shops for presents and has wrapped himself in baby blankets as skirts saying he is a pretty princess. But he also plays with hot wheels and thomas the train too. He used to play with a baby doll that was his sisters and he took better care of that doll than she ever did! lol He now watches my little pony cartoons along with jake and the never land pirates, plays with boys and girls at school and probably leans more towards boy stuff than girl stuff as he has gotten older. But I’ve noticed he doesn’t play rough and violent like other boys his age do and I wonder if that has something to do with it, like he has a softer side. We’ve never steered him towards boy things or girls things or told him he couldn’t play/watch something because it was for girls and I’m not aware of any issues he had at Pre K or Kindergarten for playing with girl things and I know he played with a wooden doll house in his class just this school year.

He knows he is a boy and what makes him that way and that his sister is a girl and that she has different parts than him but I don’t think he really identified gender yet, a kid is a kid is a kid to him. I really wouldn’t stress him having problems as he grows up playing with other kids as he’ll fall more into gender specific play. If anything, you’ll have problems with parents or kids who are so gender driven that they can’t understand how to just let a kid be a kid. We come from a military background where dad’s shave little boy’s heads and expect them to grow up rough and tough and we were looked at as odd because we aren’t like that. My son has hair that touches his ears and I don’t encourage jumping off the top bunk of the bed to land on another child!

So don’t stress the small stuff. Your son sees toys and identifies them with play time. He may be attracted to pink because it is a nice bright color unlike all the camo, black, brown, green colors most boys toys seem to be. It gets his attention.

Good luck
Sharie

18

this is just all part of being a little boy with an older sister. My daughter is 6 years older than her younger brothers. my sons found her cast off toys to be great fun. they loved little kitchens, dress up clothes, my little pony, strawberry shortcake dolls and rainbow bright. my inlaws tried to die. little boys (especially little italian boys) did not play with girl toys. However they had to shut up about it as I made it clear to them that little boys did indeed play cook, waitress, mom, dad, pizza deliver driver etc and it didn’t matter if they played the girl or boy. They were all going to be grown up men some day and need to know how to do both girl and boy things. So I wouldn’t worry about the girl toys. If your really worried then put the bright pink stuff away but I myself would not worry. My middle son the one everyone was just sure would turn out gay is getting married soon. least gay man on the planet lol. so not to worry mama he will be fine. a pink feather boa will not give him a gender identity problem. as soon as he is in preschool or kindergarten surrounded by other little boys he will be swinging a sword and playing pirate.

19

My son LOVED pretending he was a girl and girly stuff…starting at about age 2. Ages 2 to 5 he loved to dress in dress up dresses or skirts. He loved for his aunt to paint his toenails. When playing pretend he always wanted to be a girl character. I think he just really related better to the sweet girl characters and not the rough boy characters in cartoon movies. We did not discourage him at all…we just let him do what he wanted. There was one time at age 5 that he was wearing a skirt over his shorts for dress up and his friend (a boy) was totally outraged. WHY MOM? WHY DOES HE HAVE A SKIRT ON!!! His mom said, well, you used to like to dress up in skirts too when you were little. When my son started kindergarten he totally stopped wanting to dress up in girly things. But he did still like to pretend he was the girl character till he was about 7. He’d pay with his friends and I would listen in…none of them ever made fun of him. Well, he outgrew it. He is 8 now. His 3 best friends are all boys and they love to play “spies”. He’s a very popular kid in his class. He does get really big crushes on girls in his class, and he is a sweet and sensitive boy. He does still like things that are cute. The other day he told me, I know Hello Kitty is for girls, but I just think it’s sooooo cute! I do not think this will cause your son any gender identity problems and I really think you do not have to worry about it at all.

20

My older son would wear my high heals and carry my pink brush. He carried my pink brush around for 2 years. All his friends were little girls, he hated sports. But he was in drama , computer, cooking and now a wonderful photographer. Nothing to be concerned with.