I highly recommend the book Making the Terrible Twos Terrific by John Rosemond. He explains why they start acting like that, and how to simply get past it.
some of these responses that people are sending you make me very sad. IGNORE? wow...
check out this website: www.cnvep.org
have a look around. check out some of the suggested readings.
try and put yourself in you daughters shoes. i would bet that no child or adult has a tantrum or pulls their hair unless they have a need for something.
The key is not to ignore, but to let her know that you are responding to her need but not giving in to her because she is pulling her hair and hurting herself, but that you are responding to her because you love and care enough to find away to help her to communicate without hurting herself. With my oldest daughter she is very strong willed so I had to learn to watch and listen for signals early because once the tantrum hits its hard to get it under control and by the time you find out what the root of the problem was its a lost cause if you know what I mean. Like it may have been something she couldn't reach and by the time the tantrum was over shes to exhausted to even care anymore. These little tots know that they are in our hands and that they have little control of their little world so its very frustrating when mom or even dad doesn't understand them since they have little vocabulary and haven't learned completely how to get what they want. So don't ignore her just don't reward the tantrum, meaning don't just give her, her way and go on, let her know she has your attention and that you care to find away to communicate successfully. When she sees that your working on a plan that is more positive she'll feel her wants and needs are important and learn that there is a better way to commmunicate. Hopefully this helps because you don't want them to grow with a habit of self destruction. ps sorry I'm just responding but I wanted to let you know your not alone but I remember the self assured look on my daughter's face when she felt confident that her needs were important and that I was willing to find solutions before she had a fit, because I'm telling you staying in tune meant knowing when to put her down for nap, eat a meal, get outside a while, ect oh I even put a kitchen cabinet aside for her, with my dishes but like tupperware, a wooden spoon ect she'd sit in the cabinet and play while I cleaned the kitchen stuff like that because she wanted to help in the kitchen. That is in reference to things she couldn't reach. This kid would get so upset she'd turn blue, lose her breath and even hit her head and passed out I'm not sure in which order but she scared herself too but thats when I learned to stay on top of her aggrivation. Me doing this turned around and she became really self confident. She became a straight A student and today she is 20 and really organized and knows what she wants. That is the plus side kids that are stubborn about getting their way or leaders and know what they want we just have to learn to steer that energy to be used correctly.
This sounds like trichotillomania. I have had it since I was 13. It's not that uncommon actually, but it's a behaviour that's hard to change since it's quick and automatic and even if the hair grows back, the follicle is damaged and the hair can be pulled out even more easily. I hope your child can be taught different skills for coping with stress, I've never been able to completely stop doing it even when my life is going very well. All it takes is a few seconds and without realizing it, the act is done and it's too late. Good luck!
Thank you everyone for your wonderful responses. I DID try the ignore process to the temper tantrums yesterday, she started throwing one and after making sure there was no way for her to hurt herself I walked out of the room completely, soon enough she was very sweetly saying “Momma, come see me” so, although it is SO hard to do I really think if I stick with it, it just might work! Thank you again so much. Also, thank you to the woman that had very positive ways to handle everything!