Get a lawyer…obviously, there is a divorce somewhere - what does it say? If Alex is coming to you all permanently, then NO - he owes her NO money! I don’t know the laws where they got divorced, but does he owe her alimony?
As far as you being in or out of it…Let your husband do the talking, but yes - be part of the decision making and be supportive. I have to go back and forth with my ex AND his wife and it’s annoying…my husband doesn’t bat an eye at either of them and I think THAT speaks volume of his character.
Giving her money to visit Alex - I say “NO”…but Alex isn’t mine and I’m not in that situation. He is no longer obligated to her!!! SHE made that abundantly clear when she left him for someone else!
As far as your settlement or whatever - that doesn’t come into play and shouldn’t! When I’ve had to go back and forth with my ex…I NEVER asked nor was it ever implied on any court document that his wife’s income and assets were considered for anything.
Good luck…and don’t worry about the moral part…She’s just grasping at straws.
Oh yeah! This may be shady…I’d ‘tell’ her she’ll still be getting money…I’d give her money until Alex is with you…and as soon as you get him…STOP!
She sounds a little off her rocker - maybe it’s best Alex separate from her for a little bit until she can get a grip on reality.
She sounds like a terrible role model for her son and I hope he will be in a better environment with you and his dad. Of course, she wants the money! Do you have a legal agreement in writing stating the conditions of the child support? If so, you must follow it until it’s amended. If this is the situation, set up a consultation with an attorney to see what can be done. Otherwise, do what’s best for him and deal with her after the move. Try to keep him out of it as much as possible so he won’t realize he’s being used by his mom.
I would check with a Lawyer first. Court ordered child support to custodial parent can not be stopped even if the child is living with the non-dustodial parent during that time.
Wow, I don’t have any good answers unless you want to get a lawyer to get full custody from her. All I can say is be a great step-mom to this kid, because she sounds like a whack-job.
You sound great. Your step-son is lucky to have you. I think his mother will be happy to get any money she can, so maybe you can up it to $200 and she will shut up.
Hi Toni,
I’m not too sure how much help I might be…I have been divorced twice but there were no children involved.
First, do you and your husband have a copy of the divorce decree and stipulations for child support? I am sure that somewhere in there is a clause which outlines the responsibility of paying the child support, or not, in a case like yours. If it doesn’t I would suggest that your husband contact the lawyer he used for the divorce and get a legal position and opinion on this matter. I think she is going to fight this tooth and nail because you’re hitting her where it hurts the most…in the pocket book. (Unfortunately, because the whole issue should be around your step-son’s welfare and best interest.) Stand firm. I think you have the law on your side with this one…it just might take a court order for him to be able to spend the two months with you. Well worth the expense in my opinion.
Blessings,
Win
Get the help of a lawyer. Do not sink to her level, refuse to be baited and ignore her. Taking the high road is effective and satisfying, because you will prevail in the end. If you engage in her war of words and accusations, you will only look like a fool, let her have that distinction. Obviously she is disturbed and while you get to share in the joy of living with her crap, you should keep your communication with her to a minimum, that is your hubby’s job. If she insists on insulting you to your face, tell her that you will not listen to her charachter assasination and to please keep any conversation about the welfare of the child. If she persists, walk away or hang up on her. If others tell you she is bad mouthing you, just tell them that it makes you sad and that you hope that they know you well enough to ignore that. ANd leave it alone. Be gracious in a bad situation and you will be happier for it. As cheesy as it is, the cream does rise to the top, and you can look back on your actions and know that you were above board, you will feel good, and give a good imression to those involved. If it comes to court, that will be VERY important. Good luck, keep your patience and be extra nice to your step0son. That poor kid has to live with her as a mom.
IF it was a regular divorce and set child support then their is set visitation. most states state that the non custodial parent will have their child for 2 months of the summer. If she des not comply then she can be held in contempt of court which would work in your favor if you ever went for custody.
Thank you ALL for your responses. I do have to clear some things up that have confused some of you. First, it seems that some are not sure what I meant about the living arrangements of Alex. He will be coming to live with us PERMANENTLY at the end of June or the beginning of July…not just for the summer. His primary residence will be with us. THAT is why we (my husband and myself) feel that continuing giving her child support per her demand is ridiculous, at best. Secondly, some of you feel that it should be left for my husband to deal with and I should stay out of it. I understand what you are saying however, it was my husband as well as his ex wife that, from day one, since I will be raising Alex when he’s here, I should be involved in the major decision making. I have told my husband on multiple occassions that I will be behind him/by his side no matter what. But, you have to realilze, my husband and I are of the belief that in our marriage, it is both of us that make decisions. I am absolutely willing to help Alex’s mom if she has a problem affording to come see her son. She wants to visit him twice monthly so, I told my husband that I am ok with sending her the money it would cost in gas to make the trip from Pensacola to Long Beach, MS. This would cost no more than $40 round trip each time making it a total of $80. However, we agreed to send her $150 per month anyway. That is what has me so frustrated. She wants MORE. It’s not child support because the child won’t be residing with her, it’s just generosity. Sending her the money to come see Alex is out of the kindness of our hearts because we believe it’s extremely important that she be a part of Alex’s life as much as possible. I don’t know a woman on the planet who wouldn’t be upset that her husband is supporting his ex wife but, I understand that under the circumstances, it’s necessary because it’s what’s best for Alex. And by the way, she had NO problem with any of this until she found out that I will be receiving an estate settlement in the 7 figure range from when my first husband was killed in an auto accident years ago. I think that is what has me so very upset about it all. If she were so concerned about not having the money to come see Alex she would be happy that we agree to send her $150 per month to do just that. AND we’ve also told her that we would be more than happy to bring Alex to her if for some reason she couldn’t make the 2 hour trip to see him here. I’m just not understanding why or HOW she could have anything to complain about. I’m really trying my best to keep a civil tongue but, it makes it difficult when she’s attacking my moral character and blackmailing us at the expense of her own son. So, there you have it. I’m sorry I didn’t clarify things originally but I hope this helps each of you to understand exactly what my husband and I are dealing with. And yes, we will be seeing an attorney when my husband gets back from San Diego next week. Thank you ALL for you help, support, advice and encouragement. God bless and be with you and yours always. ~Toni