Yes, give a gift card from where she has the registry. She doesn't get to choose what you spend or question the amount (that's rude). It is in bad taste to register only for expensive items. You are supposed to have a range of prices. I went to a shower recently where the gifts ranged from things like $10 cooking utensils to $400 place settings of china. It wasn't someone that I was super close with and found that I was able to choose between a $30 salad spinner and a $40 shower curtain. If there is nothing on the registry in your price range, then buy a gift card to the store where she is registered. What she is doing is in poor taste.
Wow Toni V. I didn't get jealousy at all. She simply stated that she couldn't afford it. I was in the same situation with my cousins wedding the weekend before Christmas. My cousin's now wife registered for the most expensive items. My mother and I went in together and got a gift.
Normally if I give a gift at the wedding shower, bridal shower I don't give a gift at the wedding. I guess maybe I'm jealous too. :)
I would get her a gift card and that would be that.
Get a gift certificate for her in whatever denomination you can afford from the store that has her registry. then she can purchase what she wants. and yes it is rude to have only things that are more than a hundred dollars.
If you have a cap at $100( which is what most shower/wedding gifts fall into) I would do a $ 50 for the shower, and $ 50 for the wedding, or whatever amount you want in gift cards from the registered store. Then don't worry about it anymore. Enjoy the day.
Just get her a gift card to the store where she is regisetered. $100 is more than enough!
Lua:
You do NOT have to buy her ANYTHING from her registry. Those are items she "wishes" to have - a suggestion. Do some searching - you might be able to find a similar item somewhere else.
it doesn't matter if you came into money and what you did with it. that is NONE of her business...none at all. If you offend her? that's HER loss - not yours. You stick to your budget and purchase what you think she'll like or what you think she'll need....
One of my dear friends got married last year. All I could do was $50 for the shower (to a local spa where she goes) and we gave them $50 cash for their wedding.
When her older sister, who I was friends with first and am still very close with got married in 2007, I had just had a baby and was on 60% pay. She didn't get anything. Neither did another great friend of mine who was married a couple of weeks before her.
You give what you can. When I couldn't give, I asked them if they were okay with it and if not I was fine to not attend. They wanted me there, so hubby and I went (with the newborn) and had a great time!!
Etiquette states that you are obligated to ONE gift for a wedding. If you're invited to a shower, then you give the gift there and don't bring one to the wedding.
Some people invite the same people to multiple showers (if they're given multiple showers) thinking that they have to bring a gift to each shower AND the wedding (my friend thought this... I had to clarify for her...) but that's just not the case.
I would do a $100 gift certificate (if that's really within your budget, if not, go with your budget) to the store and give it to her at her shower.
The lingere is for the bachelorette party - there's often a small shower prior to the festivities for that.
It sounds a little like you might be concerned about what others are going to think (when you said you'd be the only person not buying something from this particular store) than what the bride will think. She may be thrilled to get a gift card so she can apply it to something (even if only 1/2 of something) at her desired location. And if she isn't - it is the thought that counts:)
If you would prefer something more tangible, I say hit Anthropologie and buck the system - get her a cute gift and let all the other girls ooh and ahh over how smart and creative you are with your gift.
I really like the person who suggested the $35/$65 split.
Good luck - a lot of responses here!
Oh - a wedding shower is typically focused on a couple or the pending nuptuals at large a bridal shower is just for the bride and involves the "personal" items.
Some people register for what they like and would like to have with no thought to cost except they'd rather get it as a gift than go buy it. Some register for expensive things because they have family and/or friends that can afford and will purchase expensive things.
I have also seen a growing trend that gift registries are for both the shower and the wedding...which is fine I guess especially if you don't know the person well or know what size they wear. But until recently, I have always seen that a shower gift was more personal...lotions, nighties, robes, perfumes, powders, gift certificates for spa treatments, manicures, etc...maybe some small household items but typically not. Wedding gifts were from the registry and included household items...anything and everything you can think of from kitchen to bath.
If you can't or don't want to buy off the registry (which is perfectly ok in my opinion), then don't. If your budget is $100 or less, why not get her a gift certificate for $25-30 at either her normal salon or nail shop. Then for the wedding, give them a check for up to $70-$75. They can put that towards anything they want.
Some people register for what they like and would like to have with no thought to cost except they'd rather get it as a gift than go buy it. Some register for expensive things because they have family and/or friends that can afford and will purchase expensive things.
I have also seen a growing trend that gift registries are for both the shower and the wedding...which is fine I guess especially if you don't know the person well or know what size they wear. But until recently, I have always seen that a shower gift was more personal...lotions, nighties, robes, perfumes, powders, gift certificates for spa treatments, manicures, etc...maybe some small household items but typically not. Wedding gifts were from the registry and included household items...anything and everything you can think of from kitchen to bath.
If you can't or don't want to buy off the registry (which is perfectly ok in my opinion), then don't. If your budget is $100 or less, why not get her a gift certificate for $25-30 at either her normal salon or nail shop. Then for the wedding, give them a check for up to $70-$75. They can put that towards anything they want.
You don't have to get her anything off her registry. I'll admit that most of that crap I registered for is useless. Who uses crystal and china anymore?? One of the nicest gifts I received was from a friend. She took the wedding invitation that I mailed her and had it beautifully framed in a gorgeous crystal frame. It meant so much. I have stolen this idea over the years and given this to my own friends and family since. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have given a beautiful and expensive looking gift. Hope this helps!
If you can't get anything off the registry, go with something personalized. That way, you show you put care and thought into the gift but did not have to spend more then you can. I would check out etsy.com as they have some wonderful handmade gifts you can personalize.
Neiman's is a lovely store to look in, but I can't spend there either. (Sigh.)
I haven't read any of the other answers - but has the registry turned into a must-do thing? I mean, is one required to choose a gift from the list? That seems to me like a child at Christmas saying, "Aaack! Grandma, why did you knit me a sweater? I never said I wanted one! You didn't give me the right thing!" Tacky.
Don't worry about what the bride might think. You don't have real access to the inside of her brain. You can only do the giving you think you should do. Give her what you would like her to have from you. Or get her a gift card and write a note with it to the effect that it should go toward one of the beautiful things she'd like to have in her home.
Is your budget 100 dollars total? I personally would never show up to a wedding with less than 50 dollars a person (so 100 from me and my husband) unless there was actually no reception. That being said...
I have never heard there being a seperate wedding and bridal shower...maybe it's a regional thing. The wedding and the shower are sepperate events, therefore you bring a present to each one. No, presents are not "required" but to not bring anything looks ungrateful and rude. There is one shower before a wedding...anything else would be greedy. Your cousin either sounds very clueless and materialistic or she already has regular stuff and is registering for special things that can be given as wedding gifts. In this part of the country, you get a present for the shower and then money for the wedding. I would never spend 100 dollars on anyone's shower. I would totally give her a gift certificate...I suggest Williams-Sonoma. I love Anthropologie but it might not be her taste. My SIL got a beautiful shabby chic mirror at her shower and it's up at my mom's house...my brother hates that style. I also don't like "personalized gifts". I got the whole invitation framed thing and thought it looked cheezy all framed and gave it to my mom who liked it.
Anyway...don't feel pressured...I would give her a 25-50 dollar gift certificate to WS and then feel out whether to get a wedding present from her clueless registry or cash.
I agree with a gift card in your budgeted amount to the place where she registered. There will be things that are not purchased for her that she would like to buy after the wedding.
Buy a decent bottle of wine or champage. Wrap it beautifully with a nice congratulatory card.
I never buy from the registry. I think they're tacky, selfish and inconsiderate. Especially in this economy, it should be understood that some folks simply haven't the means.
Etiquette only requires one gift for a wedding...you can take it to the shower or to the wedding.
Now family usually buys two gifts one for each...but it is not required.
I worked at a large retail department store in the china/wedding gift department...and I know what you mean about the expensive gifts totally out of control. Some poor little grandmas would come in looking for a gift and could barely afford one iced beverage spoon for the bride...much less anything else.
When I married I made sure there were things from two dollars to a couple of hundred on my list most under $40. (My dad had clients that would spend a bunch and hey I wanted nice pots and pans).
Anyways...back to your question. How about a really nice bottle of champagne and a lovely card? She can then drink it out of her new $500 champagne flutes...Or two $50 bottles of wine if they drink...one for the shower and one to take to the wedding?
Wrap it and make the wrapping look like you paid a professional to do it...check out pictures on line for ideas...
Do you have any outlet retail stores near you? My go to gift for wedding showers is a set of 4 crystal tea light holders from Mikasa. Retail they are close to $100. At the outlet near me, the are $20. My other go to is a crystal 8x10 frame.
For the wedding, I usually give a $20 gift card to Bed,Bath and Beyond or Target.
If she is registered for a china set, check out this website:
http://www.replacements.com/
We were able to get my cousin 8 full settings of her pattern for the price of 2 settings retail.
To me a registry is a list of suggestions about what the couple needs/wants and shows what color scheme they are going for. You do NOT have to buy from the registry. Give what you are comfortable giving.
Since she is family, maybe make a gift of the great family recipes. My Aunt did this for my cousin. Typed and laminated all of Grandma's favorite recipes. Presented them in a cute little keepsake box.
When my BIL got married, I helped plan and be in the wedding. My dress cost $100. That was my gift was a 'bag of munchies' for the road trip between the ceremony and the hotel
- 2 apples
- 2 mini bottles of sparkling cider (no drinking and driving!)
- a can of American cheese (spray can)
- ritz crackers
- some grapes
- 2 folding travel cups
- some mini muffins
For the shower get her a GC to VS. For her wedding give her $100 bucks. We always do cash for wedding gifts.