I suggest you check out a Montessori school. I believe your child will blossom before your eyes. Their approach to learning is so very child centered and children learn to work very independently at their own pace. Children excell in the atmosphere they provide.
There are "good" Montessori schools and some "not so good". Check a few out, read up about it, so you find one of the "good" ones. This could be the best gift you ever give your child....and yourself.
If your son is bored in K because he already knows the information and he is smart I would not hold him back. It will be even worse for him the next year even if he is more imature than the other children. If however, your son is bored because he doesn't understand I would hold him back. I taught K for two years and I had a student who was so bored in my class because he was smart. he didn't want to do the work because he knew what to do. When I got him to work he finished way ahead of the other students. He was younger than most of the students and acted more imature but he was so smart. 1st grade will be more challenging so he may like it better if he is bored because of his knowledge.
I agree with the advice that you need to evaluate the school and your son; maybe they are not the right fit. Your son sounds intelligent and very much a 5 year old boy. It's their job to not pay attention, think of little boys with frogs in their pockets scaring little girls with pigtails! I went through constant struggles with my daughter's schools until the middle of 6th grade when I pulled her out of the public system and put her in a school that works for her. Wish I had done it sooner. Her testing scores were in the high 90's, but she wouldn't apply herself and didn't care. She even told me school was boring, but I couldn't get the school to test her for ap classes because she didn't have the grades for it. Public schools are great for some kids and not for others. I would spend the summer checking out your options; there are great charter schools out there and it might be that your son could benefit from those and then go back to public later when he is older.
Homework: don't get me started. Use a timer, tell him to just give it 10 dedicated minutes and then mean it. It is important for him to know that it is only 10 minutes and then he can go do whatever. If it is too much, send it back to the teacher with a note on it.
As far as your husband: many men have a hard time if their kids "don't fit in." I have seen this way too many times. I don't know why, I think it is embarrassing on some level. Have you asked him to justify his opinion? Maybe he's afraid that by changing schools you mean private translated to money. We communicated differently so clarification on both your parts can be helpful.
good luck
Hi there-
I say, go with your instincts. You know him better than anyone else. Another option to consider is to homeschool (check out AZVA.org- public school on-line, caters to children's individual needs..)
On another note... I have several friends who have held their boys back for a year.. and ALL of them tell me that they NEVER have regretted their decision. So.. if you decide that's what you should do, you probably won't regret it later on. My husband was held back by his parents in 2nd grade, and now has his Doctorate (I personally think he's brilliant!)
Good luck.
I know exactly how you feel. My daughter's Kindergarten teacher last year was asking the same exact questions and voiced the same concerns. I did not feel that retention was right. In my heart I knew my child and I knew that this issue was not related to anything but her decision that she did not want to be a student. She loved being with me and hanging out. We did test her for the SI and not because the teacher asked us to, but because her older sister has SI and dyslexia and we had to go through a whole program with her (She is doing great, is at grade level, and is reading great now in 3rd grade).
I don't know if you son is stubborn (I guess you said he was above), but my daughter is and this was a choice thing and so we had to deal with it on that level. We decided to put her in 1st grade and see where the chips fell. The thing that helped the most was the non-participating chair/bench. If my daughter decided she was not going to participate or do her work at school, then she had made the choice that she did not want to participate and when she came home she sat in this chair doing nothing (absolutely nothing) This meant that when I got the report from the teacher that she had decided not to work that day, she would come home sit on the chair until dinner (unless she had to go to the bathroom), have dinner with the family, and then go back to the bench until it was time to get ready for bed.
No-one could talk to her and she was all by herself just sitting there. She did not have to spend many days on the chair (three because she is so stubborn) and then she realized that this was her life if she decided not to be a student. We did this at the end of kindergarten and had to repeat this again a few times in 1st grade.
However if the issue is that it is just a homework thing, then maybe he needs some time not to sit down right after school. I have two kids that can sit down, get the work done, and move on. I also have two kids that will spend hours not doing it and have even gone so far as to hide their work, so they don't have to do it. I discovered that since my children are all up by 6:00 or 6:30, that the ones that could not sit and do at night do great in the morning after eating. They focus really well and get it done quickly without the arguments and without the hassle.
As far as the testing thing goes, some kids don't test great but are successful in everything else they do. Tests are measures for the school district, state, and federal government, but they are not always indicators for how well a child is doing in school. You might talk to the teacher and find out what is going on or even go observe what your child is doing when it comes time to take the tests. Some kids just don't want to sit there and take the thing and so they goof off and answer things in silly ways because they are tired of ordeal. If the teacher is giving the test while the other kids are working (in Kindergarten this happens a lot because they pull the kids aside to ask about name recognition for the alphabet and the letter sounds) it may be really distracting for a kid who just wants to be done and go "play"
Also, before you do anything you have a right as a parent to have a school psychologist test your child and sometimes because it is a quiet environment kids that did not do well on the testing in the classroom did great with the psychologist (my daughter did) and this is when the Kindergarten teacher realized just how truly stubborn and distracted my daughter was. Good luck and hope this helps. ( Montessori is great. My daughter is in a Montessori program through Mesa Public Schools; they have three schools now that do Montessori, but not all kids do well even in that setting and now we are moving her to the International Baccalaureate program that Mesa offers at Frost Elementary).
I don't know if it's too late, but have you considered alternative schools, like Montessori? There are a couple in the magnet program, I think, and TUSD will bus your child there for free.
If you can find out what does motivate him, then put him on a behavior plan. Use those "things" that really motivate him as rewards and incentives. Does he have low self esteem? Try getting a book about how to boost his self esteem so that he wants to succeed.
Good Luck!
Kelly
Okay, I have two examples - one in which we did not hold my son back, and one in which we did hold my daughter back. My son's birthday is in August, so he was young. He is extremely intelligent, so we went ahead and sent him. And, although he graduated summa cum laude at ASU many years later, he felt small and had some serious issues with other boys his age. When we speak of it now, and especially with his son having the same issue, we decided that he should have been held back (and he held back his own son). They have some wonderful gifted programs for smart kids, and he would have had a better social life and been more confident if he had stayed back.
Now, for my daughter, who has a June birthday. She went to kindergarten on time. She was shy and refused to tell the teacher the answers that she wanted (even though she is very intelligent and knew the answers) and refused to do the work that the rest of the class was doing. One example - she had her address memorized from the day we moved in, yet she got a "U" (unsatisfactory) from the teacher the whole year because, when we asked her, "she's a stranger and doesn't need to know". Her shyness and lack of cooperation led me to do what you are doing. We had her tested and talked to experts. Then, near the end of summer, we finally asked HER what she wanted to do. Her answer - "Duh! I'd rather go to school only half the day and stay home and play the rest of the day!" We held her back. She was thrilled with her 2nd kindergarten experience and never looked back. She also graduated summa cum laude at ASU. Good luck with your decision!
He probably is bored and the curriculum not presented in a way that is appealing to him (not a bad thing). My son exhibited the same symptons and issues. My first parent-teacher conference in kindergarten turned out to be a panel of 5 people starting with the teacher,principal and vice principal to the social worker and guidance counselor. It was not pretty. They recommended retention and testing for ADD. We advanced him and had him tested for ADD at their insistance, which he was not even close to being. He was diagnosed with ODD - Oppostional Defiance Disorder. After that it took two years of social worker hell with the school system to get him tested for gifted, but once he was identified gifted, they were more willing to work with us to identify what learning methods worked for him. He was also placed in a class more geared to gifted and high potential kids where the teachers understood the quirks these kids operate under. My son can be shy and doesn't do well in close-knit situations at times. But he is very intelligent and learned to move his desk next to the teachers to prevent distractions and closeness when he couldn't deal with it. The teachers accepted his decisions. The most important thing I learned about this whole experience was that I was my sons ONLY advocate. You know your son best. Follow your gut instinct and fight for what you know works for your son.
Hi Darlaine,
You are 100% right: no matter which way you go in this decision, you and your husband need to be "on the same page," when making it.
How do the two of your normally come to agree on a decision? What about sitting down and writing out the pros vs. cons?
If nothing else, you can both "disagree," but still make the decision together.
All in all: it's just pre-school vs. Kinder. Your decision will NOT cause any harm, especially if you have great teachers/counselors advising you.
Good luck!
T
Not sure if you are still checking this site, but if you are I am interested in hearing more about what happened with your son. I am in the EXACT same boat right now. And if you have a minute would love to know the outcome for you. Thanks!!! And I hope all is well;-)
Just wanted to say THANK YOU so much for everyones responses. We had a follow up meeting on Friday, where I was going to move him into the first grade and decline retention, but a few of the teacher representatives at the meeting suggested that retention be removed as a option because they listened to our concerns of his bordem. I was VERY pleased to not have to go against the system (if they would have offered retention I would have had to sign a waiver refusing…this just felt nicer!!) Anyway, thank you again for all the support.