I promise you that your beautiful son is normal. I grew up with 5 brothers and raised a son on my own and am well aware of the stage your son is going thru. Try to remember he is still a young person and his reasoning is not yet adult. ( thus the peeping ) His hormones are all of a sudden raging and his body changing and he is not even aware of all of this going on at once in his body, even for him it is weird. I assure you this is a very natural curiosity to see what a woman's body looks like and one way or another he is going to find out. ( typically this is where the playboy magazines come in ) I hope your husband can help with this.
Best wishes gong thru his teenage years with him.
Your boy is a healthy 16 year old. Don't be too angry with him. He's curious, and though it's hard as his mother, have a sense of humor about it. Hopefully your friend has one too! Remember being 16, and how innocent you are. As long as your friend's okay, try to separate out mom anxiety. He's just trying to get a glimpse of what's ahead. Trust your guts, you know your boy's heart. Believe in him.
You are getting the spectrum of advice, aren't you? I have to admit, I fall into the Susan C, Pay A, and Jenn D kind of thinking. I won't repeat what they've already said, but maybe expound. Of course we know that males enjoy the sight of the female body. No one has to be surprised by that. The concern is the "gap" you have observed between his apparent disinterest in girls up until now and the extra measures he took to view your friend.
Just because you seek the assistance of a professional, doesn't mean you're freaking out or making him feel shamed. Talk to him normally. Don't belittle him. Just explain that you feel like this particular incident is more than you know how to handle. It's okay as the mom to not have answers to everything (and this is a big one!) We are all just moms giving you advice as we view it from our perspective. However, a professional who actually works with teenage boys or peepers all day long will ACTUALLY know whether your son needs long term therapy or not. In one session a good therapist can tell you what your course of action should be. In fact, you could even go the first time alone to get a consult.
I also want to point out that just because you don't see any more behavior of this kind doesn't mean your son isn't doing it. He may find ways of perfecting the secrecy so that he doesn't get "caught" again like this time.
It's so hard being a mom, isn't it? I pray for you to have wisdom and discernment to know exactly what is best for your son and your family.
Give him a trusted (by him) neutral adult (psychologist/pshychiatrist) with whom he can discuss this. This adult decides if it is normal behavior (my opinion) or leading up to deviant behavior.
LAM(little about me)-55 mother of 3 (36,33,19 2G-1B)Summer school teacher in a prison for highschool-aged young men. Special Ed secondary teacher for 16 years, SpEd teacher elementary for 2 years with a focus on (severe learning disabilities) SLD AND ED (emotionally disturbed). ED is a catch-all for anything from moderate depression to schizophrenia. GED teacher.
My best to your family.
Hi Annette,
I don't have a teenage boy, but I do have 3 younger boys, so I know my day will come when the hormones will hit too. After reading the book "bringing up boys" by Dr. James Dobson, I know that what your son did is NORMAL, though very embarrassing as a parent I'm sure. I STRONGLY SUGGEST you get this book. I'm finding the time to read pages here and there and it is well worth my time investment. Take care.
This is normal. Listen to your husband, he's a man.
Your son just got caught, and you are very embarrased.
YOU are ashamed. YOU are disappointed in your kid. It's all about YOU. I understand, I'm a mom of teens and when they do something wrong and especially in public, I feel so ashamed. But it's not about us.
Let it go.
Accept what it is for what it is. Good for you to leave this to your man.
Keep being the sweet Mother and don't make this "HUGE" by getting involved in men's issues. Better yet, let him see how your husband treats you with respect, kisses you, hugs you, and he will learn proper ways. Plus, he may be having girl problems. Look at the bigger picture.
If you go professional, get a "behavioral psych" not just any shrink that will automatically make this a "profound issue" and take it out of proportion.
However, I asked my own 14 year old and he said it is a "discusting" act. Looking, curiosity in movies is normal.
I think it is COMPLETELY normal behavior. Raging hormones!!!
Maybe you haven't noticed that he has been interested in girls before but little do most parents know about their teenagers. Seriously, how do you know he hasn't looked in dirty magazines or watched a dirty movie? we cant keep track for our kids 24 hours per day....but its only normal. Don't worry about it.
He needs to be assured that his feelings are normal; otherwise, he'll put sex in the 'taboo' category and then it can be an obsession.
I'm very matter-of-fact about the anatomy of the body with my 4.5 and 2.5 year olds. We use the terms penis and vagina without hesitation. We study the human body book just like we view an alphabet book.
Naturally, I'm anxious about the hormones kicking in, but it happens to all of us, especially boys. Any guilt or humiliation is just a recipe for problems.
Yes, he shouldn't have peeped, but his feelings are normal.
Hopefully, his step-father will help him feel comfortable about his "urges" and help him direct them in a discreet way; an acceptable way.
Did you ever watch Parenthood with Steve Martin. It's quite entertaining, especially in your situation. I'd recommend watching it, so you don't beat yourself up.
I'm sure your son is respectful, but sexual urges are strong and not to be ignored or suppressed.
Good luck
OOps that is a bad one, heres the thing yes he is a young man with a young mans body, and he is seeking his thrill on blue berry hill, but mom what he did is a big no no, and he knew it. I have to say he should be in big trouble, and he needs to write an apoligize letter to your friend. I would ground his butt for a month , this is not only about the talk, this is about being disrepectful , he was caught doing something that could of gone to the police, as a sex offender, he needs to be in big trouble.. then discuss the sex talk, sorry if I was the friend I would of chewed his butt out right then.
Wow, Annette
You sure have a lot of different responses here. Please read them all and take the advice with a grain of salt. I am a licensed clinical social worker and have worked with teens. Let me tell you, that this is normal. Yes, he disrespected your friend and should definitely apologize, but that does not mean he is bad. Just talk to him about respecting other people's privacy and let your husband talk to him about more appropriate ways to satisfy his curiousity. Better yet, let your husband deal with it all, if your son gets along with him.
Good luck. Remember he is 16, totally normal, but maybe what he did was not so smart. Focus on that
Tell us what happened...
My Stepgrandson did that to me to. I think it's normal, and he did it the same way. And he even had open the curtain a little in the bathroom before he went outside. After I was undressed I noticed the curtain being open and went and shut it scared him fell off the trash can that he had upside down and I started hallering, and he came running to the bathroom door outside and started hallering I'm sorry granny. But just let him know it is'nt right to do that, that it invaded her privacy and I would make him pologize to her.
I must disagree with the majority of these posts that perceive that climbing onto an object for the purposes of peeping at an unsuspecting woman while she is naked and showering is "normal" and that Ann N should not be concerned and just let it blow over after a short talk. Developmentally, his interest and curiosity ARE normal, but the task of this stage is to navigate satisfying one's own curiosity and urges WITHOUT violating the rights and privacy of others. Yes, he has hormones, but the bigger problem is that he was willing to sacrifice the rights of the mother's friend in order to satisfy his own "curiosity." I also suspect that there is more to it than mere curiosity, as I think 16 is a bit late for that. I suspect that his interest has been there for some time and that his secrecy about it is more problematic. I agree that professional help should be sought from a Psychologist, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist or Licensed Clinical Social Worker who (and this is very important) SPECIALIZES in treating adolescent sexual issues and who will work in a family context. This isn't just HIS problem, but the communication issue is all of yours'. He clearly needs guidance in how to satisfy his own needs without violating others and that is hard to obtain if he doesn't feel that he has someone to talk to about it. With the assistance of a skilled therapist, this can be done without shaming him regarding his sexuality.
As a licensed psychologist, I must add a disclaimer that the foregoing post in no way constitutes professional advice, as I have never met nor evaluated any of the participants.