just sweet!
I think you are severely overreacting. The world needs more teacher like your son's.
I also think it was a harmless gesture. It really is sad that we have to even wonder to ourselves about the loving attention of a 70 year old woman. That being said if it honestly makes you uncomfortable, you have to say something to her. If you arent sure, next time you see her I woudl mention the incident. Say something like "I noticed you got really emotional about my sons improvement last lesson" And see what she says. She may give you her story, which will put you at ease :)
I think you should put the red flag down and start appreciating that people love your son.
L.S.
I would not worry about that...Here's why, I grew up in a large Italian hugging smooching family and I am constantly kissing my nephews or my kids...and maybe this woman was brought up the same way...giving affection that way...but if you feel it's not appropriate...then I would get to know her and her background. It is your son and to take all percautions is just being a great Mom. take care.
It is difficult in this day and age to not become concerned. I work doing rape crisis so, I really pay attention.
If this is a private tutor maybe try to ask around with other parents to see if they have seen anything suspicious. My first thought with what you shared is she is just a caring teacher. If you feel comforable, go sit down with her and ask her. You don't have to accuse someone of doing wrong, just ask her if she is normally demonstrative with her students and if you prefer she not with your child, then tell her.
You may also ask your child how he feels about the teacher. Just bring it up in conversation and see what he has to say.
And thank you for being a caring, observant parent. Unfortunately, there are bad people out there. But there are also very good people.
I'm old fashioned when it comes to this. I'm a huggy-kissy person who still believes in spankings when a child misbehaves and hugs and pats when a child does well. Nowadays it's so horrible that a teacher can't show pride in a student or affection or caring by touching a shoulder or a pat on the head without somebody thinking they're a pedophile. If your red flags go up, your the mother, say something. But ask yourself if your red flags are going up because YOU don't feel comfortable with a 70 yo woman showing pride to your son, or because you think that in general as a society nobody should be touching your child but you. I hate to go off because I don't want to make you think you're wrong. It's just that I wish we as a society hadn't become so extreme that our children will soon be taught by robots just so that there's no human contact involoved. As a mother, I hug, pat, kiss on the head, tickle and gently swat my kids' friends whenever the situation warrants it. It's what I'm comfortable with, but I wouldn't be offended if a parent asked me to stop.
She could be emotional and sweet. If you are there, I wouldn't worry at all. Go with your gut if you don't want to leave him alone, or if he doesn't like it, don't make him hug etc, but I wouldn't cause a stir over it. I am the same with my kids, very skeptical and protective, but we have an elderly neighbor widow, and it means a lot to her to get hugs from my kids, and I'm always there and they don't mind....I figure at that age they have a full history of life and heart breaks and if she is a good teacher and a good person and you're not sending him off to camp alone with her, it's fine. Good job being alert!
Hi LS:
WHile I can understand your concern....Let's look here at the age. In todays modern world, as teachers we are NOT to call kids by terms of endearment due to Hurting a child's self esteem and so forth. Wild huh? THey have put so many restrictions and demands on how a teacher is to be around a student that it's almost miltary. Even a simple hug is considered a No-No. They look at it as a sexual approach towards children all due to the rise in previous cases of student and teacher relationships outside the classroom.
This woman you say is in her 70's....she's not thinking that I assume. IN her days that wasn't even a problem. As they and teachers get older, they feel less effect on their behavior and revert back to the days of their days. SO--
I would just do as you do and be there for every practice but if it helps to tell your son about sexual advances...in the sense that if he is not confortable with hugs and kisses from "strangers" or anyone, then he is of age to do so and say "no, please don't do that." There is no harm in that.
Otherwise, that is a matter that really wouldn't put a red flag in my head and I am known as the most skeptical person here, I trust NO one!!! :-)!
Michelle
She may have been a little over-emotional, that is often a sign of old age.
I think that as long as you're there with them the whole time, you shouldn't worry. I'm wondering if she doesn't see a little of her own child in him. If you're really worried about it, just ask her. Say something like, it's so sweet that you care about him so much. Do you see something special in him? Who knows....she may just need someone to talk to.
As an educator it sounds a little unprofessional to be showing such effection for a student. But at the same time, it sounds like these music lessons are private maybe one-on-one style lessons from a much older lady who may be spenging time with children in that setting because she honestly enjoys children and at that stage of life I find that women are particularly sentimental, caring, and effectionate. If you are particularly uncomfortable with it you should bring it up and maybe even explain that you worry it could confuse your son as to how to act appropriately with teachers or other adults who are not related to him. Explain that you've spent much time working with him on appropriate interraction with people in different relationship roles and that you worry this kind of effection could confuse him since he is just starting to comprehend the different roles people in his community play in respect to him. Even if this is a complete lie I'm sure she would understand that...especially in today's world, it's important for your son to understand the difference to keep him a little safer from becoming a victim.
Unless there is more to the story than you described, it sounds like she is just being a typical 70yo woman. That's what they do...love the kids in their lives. Perhaps your son is truly a really great little kid and has brought some meaning into this lady's life by really trying and enjoying her class. Or perhaps she once lost a child or grandchild your son's age. Who knows what the tears were about. If it happens again and for some reason disturbs you, just ask her if she's ok. In the mean time, It wouldn't bother me if an old woman who's known my son for a bit gives him a hug and kiss. He's a loveable guy!
Have you talked to your son and asked him how he felt about the contact? If it made him feel uncomfortable, then you would need to address it with his teacher. I agree with Brandy H. who commented earlier that you should begin the conversation with "It seemed like you were very emotional last week when you spoke about my son's progress." If she doesn't pick up from there, you could say, "I'd like to talk about that," and share your feelings and certainly your sons if it made him uncomfortable.
L.S., you're definitely being an awesome alert mother, but I'm thinking our society has gotten the best of you here and you have nothing to worry about. I think it's so sad that teachers, who spend so much time developing our children, have been forced to take innocent, nuturing and rewarding human touch out of the picture.
Hi. Wow, you are really over-thinking this one IMO. When I was a child it was fine for a teacher to give hugs, and smacks on the hand when neccessary. What is happening to us when we start to think that 70 yr old ladies are "inappropriate" because they give a hug to a child that has worked hard and deserves it? Espically if your in the room!!! It makes you wonder what we are becomming? Relax...not every person you meet is a child molester in desquise.
I think it is sad in today's day that we even have to question this one. I think that it is perfectly fine in this situation....remember raising kids is NEVER one size fits all anything!!! Also remember that your own anxieties have no place being projected onto your children. Careful is one thing...paranoid is another.
Sadly, the world has changed and parents need to be extra careful with their kids. But things were really different when those in their 70's were raising their families.
As a fellow music teacher, I would appreciate the parents talking frankly to me if they felt I did something inappropriate, or they would prefer I not hug/touch their child. I usually just touch their shoulders--for encouragement, and also for teaching steady tempo..., but would be happy to refrain if the parents requested. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her yet, just continue to see if the behavior continues, or changes in any way.
We musicians can be sort of emotional, and my take is that she is just very excited to see young people doing well at something she really loves. But again, you are the parent and have the right to intervene if you want. Hope it all works out for you.
Relax. You need not worry about this teacher who seemed to be sharing her happiness and pride in your son. You should consider yourself and your son blessed to have a teacher that is invested in your son's musical talent. Don't allow your skeptism to ruin a relationship that is beneficial to you son. That momemt probably meant alot to him.
That kinda sends up red flags for me.
I would say something to her about how it is a little too much and you are uncomfortable with it. Hopefully she'll tone it down a bit.
Either way, I would casually say something to another professional there so there is documented history in case anything happens.
My fingers are crossed for ya
Hi L.S.
If the woman is that old, I think this is normal. Now, how are you know what this teacher is doing?
Go to one of his music lessons and see for yourself.
If you are anxious about what you see for yourself, then address the teacher about what your son is saying. Not in front of your son.
Hope this helps. donna