I was at a baby shower in a restaurant last month and the host prepaid meals (our choice of menu) including beverage choice or a glass of wine. Anything outside of that was on us. Then invitation in this case did not say that so I expected to pay for my part but was surprised that it was taken care of.
I would never host a party at a restaurant and then expect guests to pay. Obviously the feeling on this is split (as far as your responders go) Would you pay the hostess if she were having a shower at her home? I've never heard of such a thing.
One more thing - we just recently celebrated my husband's 40th. I invited 4 couples to meet at my house and then take a limo to the restaurant. I paid for the limo and everyone's dinner, but my friends picked up the bar tab. Everyone seemed happy with the arrangement (we had decided on this well ahead of time) and we had a blast!
I've been to adult birthday parties at resturants and have never expected it to be covered. I have always paid for myself
Pay for my own...unless of course you were informed of something different. My guess that's why it is held in a restaurant. Toodles!
My sister was given a baby shower at a restaurant, but the hostesses paid for it. There were 2 choices of entrees.
I would not mind paying, but I would want a heads up, so I would not be wondering what was expected.
I have been to both.
I don't care HOW tacky anyone might think it may be... I want that info on the durn invitation! :)
I would not expect to pay for the meal. That's been included in every shower I ever went to.
This is a case where the host really has to specify when inviting people. I have no problem paying for myself and would be pleasantly surprised if the host insisted on paying for everyone. But I would not automatically expect the host to pay.
A lot may depend on who the invited guests are -- All good friends? Just coworkers of the pregnant mom/expecting dad? Not really close but acquaintances? It could make a difference in how you see it. I'd never even think twice about paying for myself if it were all good buddies, but would want to know in other circumstances whether it was "the office" throwing the party and paying, or the host expecting to pay, etc. It's not tacky to tell folks who's paying - it saves a lot of hassles and huffing when the bill comes if everyone knows what to expect before they get there.
Showers are diff to me than adult bday parties. A shower is more formal. I definately think the hostess should be paying and to those that said it would be expensive, it is the responsibilty of the host to know how expensive it will be and be prepared. There are lots of cheaper alternatives, or they always have the option of limiting the guest list.
I would expect it to be covered! I've been to numerous bridal and baby showers (which in my area are usually held at restaurants, banquet halls, etc) in the past few years and have never been asked to pay for my meal. I actually just threw my sisters bridal shower this past summer at a local country club and felt guilty not having an open bar for the guests ... that was just way out of my budget. I opted for the champagne fountain instead :)
If it's an actual shower, I'd expect it to be covered by the host. You don't invite people to a party... ask them to bring a gift AND expect them to pay!
Now, if the "host" is just a mutual friend of the mom-to-be and just casually called me up and said "hey I'm thinking it would be fun for a bunch of us to meet for lunch to celebrate so-and-so's new baby," I'd expect to pay my own way... but if I actually got an invite and didn't get to weigh in on the details of the event, I'd assume that host means host.
HTH
Thea
Are you serious? If I'm invited to any shower at all, I would NEVER expect to pay for my meal or for any portion of any aspect of the shower except the gift I'm bringing.
If you can't afford to feed your guests then you rent a simple hall like Knights of Columbus, Elk's Club, or a church hall and serve cake, assorted cookies, tea, soda, and coffee. Have the party at a "tea time" rather than at a meal time. But you never ever make your guests pay their own way. I would never attend a shower where I had to pay to attend.
EDIT: I'm shocked at the number of people who can't picture the logistics of hosts pre-ordering meal choices or even having the restaurant set up things in a buffet style for a baby shower. Many restaurants have a large room that they can set up in a hall style to accommodate a large party like a shower so there's no such thing as having to figure out people's separate meals even if everyone orders something different from a preset menu.
There's never a reason to assume you'd be paying your way as a GUEST to any event you've been invited to. Even if it's a restaurant. And there's no reason to assume that the host can't afford it. You have no idea what accommodations they've made or if they're paying for it with someone else and they're just not broadcasting it to people.
I guess as a host, I would NEVER invite a bunch of people to an event (regardless of where it is) and expect them to pay. So as a guest, I would be surprised to be invited to an event and then be asked to pay my own way. Unless it was something like "Hey, let's all get together at such and such restaurant to throw so and so a baby shower!" or "I'm throwing a baby shower for so and so at such and such restaurant. It's $xx.xx per person - you in?". In that case, I'd expect to pay and would be happy to do it - it was made clear up front what was expected. But if I received an invitation in the mail, I would fully expect to be treated like an invited guest who is would attend and participate without paying. Have you ever been invited to a wedding where you were told "Oh, by the way, it's $40 a head, you and your husband owe us $80. Pay up." or a wedding rehearsal dinner "BTW, your portion is $60. You can pay me by check or cash." A baby shower, bridal shower, birthday party, etc is no different from an "etiquette" perspective. I can't think of anything more tacky than inviting someone to something, then at the event itself expecting everyone to pay their own way. It's just a recipe for disaster, bad feelings, people who didn't bring $$ feeling mortified, SPLITTING THE CHECK between THAT many people!! etc. A good host would NEVER let something like that happen.
If its in a nice restaurant then I would be surprised to pay for myself.
If it were at a all-you-can-eat buffet, then I would expect to pay my way. Having that information on the invitation to me is important, because depending on the price, I may or may not attend.
No, I would not expect to pay and would find it rude if I had to. Every restaurant shower I've ever attended or helped host was set up where the guests were given two or three entree choices and drinks and appetizers and dessert were picked by the hosts and brought out at the appropriate time. Shower guests shouldn't be asked to pay. They're already bringing a gift.
covered by host
The hostess should take care of the food and drinks. That would be kind of like having a cash bar at a wedding.
I would expect that I would have to pay for my own meal (maybe the host had to pay to rent the small room?)
tell us - did this happen to you? were you a guest? or are you planning on hosting a shower and so you're taking a pre-emptive survey?
would absolutely expect the host to pay. Can't imagine any other scenario unless it was specifically stated that guests would pay (which I have not heard of).
Showers are "given" by someone. If one person can't afford to give a shower, than they usually team up with several friends and throw it together.
But I've never heard of inviting people to one and then expecting them to split the bill.
I attended one recently and was surprised when we were expected to pay ourselves. I've just been invited to another one, and again will be expected to pay. Again, I'm surprised, but I guess this is how it is done.