You showed up at their house and just expected them to cancel their plans?
That seems really selfish, I would proabably be mad at you too.
They don’t like kids, you know this.
They have made this abundantly clear.
Why do you keep trying to force your kids on them?
I don’t think that they are the ones out of order in this situation…
I also call troll. At least I hope. I can’t image someone could be so rude - and I’m not talking about the sister.
ETA: Beth, can you do us all a favor and wait about 20 minutes. Then, write a new post under a completely different account name. This time you will want to write the same scenario except from either your sisters point of view or her boyfriends point of view. You could mix it up a bit and maybe write it from your mom’s point of view or your 19 year old daughter’s point of view.
Any of the above would be good. We’re used to that kind of thing around here.
Jealous much?
On the off chance this is real, I’m going to let you know that you are ridiculous. What she does with her life is her business. Some people don’t want children there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I applaud her for NOT having any since she likes to travel and live a fast paced life.
Get over your jealousy. I don’t know how far apart the two of you are in age, but if you are within a few years of each other it sounds to me that you straddled yourself with kids at a young age and didn’t get to do the things she can. I figure if you are in your 30’s like she is you started at 20 @the oldest. You chose your life she chose hers. It’s not her fault and doesn’t make her a bad person.
People who don’t have children do not have child friendly homes. You have to know this, so why bring them? I love kids and want more, but I would never act the way you did. If you showed up on my doorstep, unannounced, and I had plans…I would have left you standing there and gone about my business.
Did it ever occur to you that she spends time with his family b/c they RESPECT their wishes and lifestyle choices?
I don’t think this is real but, you really, really need to get a life,either way.
I’m normally not this mean, but this is crazy!
“My sister and her husband do not think that, my sister was always different, she was always the one alone in the corner with a book or had her MP3 on all the time and seemed to take little interest in family, she is a journalist in Manhattan and she lives with her boyfriend”
My sister and her husband and her boyfriend. Have you considered keeping your characters straight when you are making shit up?
Listen George/Alexander/Sandy/Beth there are some pretty smart cookies on this board and we don’t like what you are selling.
My first inclination is that you are messing with us, but I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who are truly as self serving and bad mannered as you, so I’ll answer as if this question is legit.
If I were your sister, I would have tossed you out on your ear, and after you yelled at me so uncalled for, I would have told you to leave and NEVER come back and you would have paid for your own cab.
I hope you learn some manners and realize that not everyone needs to live their life according to your “standards”.
You’re joking right? I mean nobody can be this dense.
If not I’ll spell it out. They do NOT want to participate in your childs lives. They do not have children, they do not want children. Move on. No they shouldn’t cancel their plans because you decided to stop by. They shouldn’t change their lives because you chose to have kids.
It suck, that’s life. Quit forcing your choice on them.
Welcome to mamapedia!!!
Why are you trying to force a relationship that isn’t there?
Just because YOU want to be married and have kids, does NOT mean that EVERYONE should.
YOU WERE RUDE and IMPOSING YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN ON THEM!!! He handled the situation as best as he could. You started yelling at them in THEIR home. He asked you to leave and gave you taxi money. Do I approve of what he did?!! HECK YEAH!!! How dare you go into their home and expect them to drop trow and give you attention…then start yelling at them when you didn’t get your way!!!
Not everyone is cut out to be parents. They know this. They accept this. Why can’t you?
Sorry - but just because she is your sister does NOT mean she is your free babysitter. That’s just plain RUDE on your part. Now granted with my kids - I have only lived close to my parents when my daughter was 3 years old…we lived close for all of 3 months. Then we moved to San Francisco, then Belgium.
Your sister and her boyfriend do NOT want a relationship with you. Accept it. Stop trying to push YOUR values, expectations and desires on them.
Hope this helps!
This sounds vaguely familiar…didn’t we recently read about rich, snobby characters in NY not living life according to SIL’s standards? Remember? The one with the rich dad (BIL), snobby daughter (niece), wouldn’t interact with the SIL who was writing the post? Wasn’t that just within the last couple of weeks? Is this Version 2.0 of that story?
And, just in case this is for real, REALLY? Everyone should get married, have children and live a family life? EVERYONE? Really? Unbelievable.
This is a joke, right?
Are you writing a book or something? Your posts about elitist siblings are getting really old and predictable.
It’s not my place to “approve” of another person’s life choices, and I certainly would not show up UNINVITED and expect babysitting and/or entertainment for/with my kids anywhere.
Honestly, this sounds like a bad script for a Hollywood movie. Is THAT what this is all about?
It truly sounds like you need to realize you’re the poor relations that just won’t leave them alone. Please stop trying to be close to them, they don’t like you. I don’t know why you’d even try to like them, they aren’t very nice people.
Do I have this right, you showed up to their apartment uninvited with your children and you wonder why they were not thrilled?
Not everyone wants children. Not everyone should have children. Just because you do does not mean everyone else does.
They are happy. They enjoy the way their life is. They are hurting no one. There is nothing destructive to their behaviour.
If I was always getting lectured by someone, family included, about how they thought my life was all wrong when I was doing nothing dangerous or hurtful I would not want to spend any time with them either.
It is not required that family members become free babysitting. It is an imposition on their time, even if they are willing.
If this is genuine, you need to look at what you are doing and need to find a way to stop. Stop picking on your sister and live your life while she lives hers.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. It would be wonderful if your sister and her boyfriend were willing to share in your lives the way you want them to. They aren’t though, so it is up to you to do the only thing you can: step away. Before you do though, I think you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror.
You are clearly hurt by what feels like a very critical stance towards your life choices. Frankly though, your stance towards hers is just as critical. Look at the contempt you use to describe her: immature, self-centered, thoughtless. All because she wants very different things from life than you.
To answer your initial question, let’s look at it from her perspective: You invited yourself and your kids into their home unwanted with no warning, expecting them to cancel plans because you happen to be in the neighborhood, did not discipline your kids in her unchildproofed home, questioned her attempts at discipline (maybe that cat bites at the slightest provocation) THEN yelled at them about their behavior inside their own 4 walls? It seems to me there is a lot of out-of-order behavior happening here, and unfortunately it is not all your sister’s.
If you want to save this sister relationship, I suggest meeting with her for a neutral lunch, then apologize for being judgmental and controlling. Hopefully she is sorry for being so closed off and rejecting, but don’t count on it. She is probably just as hurt as you are.
Wow, this entire question can be filed under the definition of ‘entitlement mentality’.
I am sorry to say this, but you are being way too judgmental of your sister. There is nothing wrong with not wanting a family lifestyle. She is doing nothing wrong. In fact, I applaud her for her life…there are too many people in this world and not everyone needs to have kids. There is nothing wrong with not being into kids, not relating to them, and not really enjoying them. Your sister is doing NOTHING wrong. You however, are judging her and taking everything much too personally. You are too critical of your sister. They are not used to kids being around. They changed their plans for you. The kids were making them uncomfortable (because, lets face it, kids can be trouble). And you yelled at them!!! Wow. You owe your sister and her boyfriend an apology. You are the one who is in the wrong here.
I am not sure if this is a troll or not…but here goes…
It sounds like they have a perfect lifestyle for THEM and you have the perfect lifestyle for YOU. Unfortunately,the two don’t mix very well…
They are happy living their child free life…note the words “child free”…they don’t want kids, don’t seem to like kids, and don’t want kids around…that is their prerogative. You think they are missing out on a wonderful ting in life (and I think they are too) BUT they think you are crazy for having so many kids and don’t understand how on earth you do it.
So don’t force them…it seems they want t be left alone to enjoy their life the way they want…let them…it is their loss (they won’t ever see it that way) but it is…
Now don’t be surprised if they did decide to have a late in life baby (an only child) then they become insufferable in the other direction that their little darling only makes rainbow diapers and does no wrong.
Enjoy your life and leave them to theirs…it will make you all happier…
Hot darn an apartment in Paris…I am a bit green with jealousy, but I wouldn’t trade my two kids for one…
Wow. You are a complete bitch.
Ignoring the husband/boyfriend inconsistency, as well as the smell of troll:
You have the life that is right for YOU, your sister has the life that is right for HER.
YOUR life is not the right life for HER, and HER life is not the right life for YOU.
People who do not want to be married should not marry. People who do not want to be parents should not have children.
People have the right to spend their own money in whatever way they choose.
Shared DNA does not equal on-demand babysitter. You have no right to expect your sister to babysit your children.
Dropping by someone’s house without notice and expecting them to change whatever plans they have in order to entertain you is just plain rude.
What “certain things” were your children “having a play” with ? A Ming vase? A Faberge egg? I don’t have expensive knick-knacks but if I did, I damn sure wouldn’t want someone’s kids “having a play” with them.
Why was your son close enough to the desk to knock papers off it? A person’s desk is personal space and your son had no business touching anything on it.
How do you know what your sister had in the larder? Did you go through her pantry and fridge when you arrived and take inventory? Not everyone keeps snack food in the house, or likes to cook. If your sister and her boyfriend were heading out to eat, perhaps it was because they didn’t feel like cooking.
You yelled at them IN THEIR HOME because they refused to let your children run wild. Yell at me once in my own damn house and you will never cross the threshold again.
Your sister and her boyfriend were not out of line - YOU were.
Be polite when you see her and don’t visit her at her apartment. Invite her for holidays, she probably won’t come, but that’s her choice. Good thing she figured out she doesn’t want kids…but just wait, when she’s in her 40’s she’ll be going through fertility treatments. People change over time.