For those that have been married for a long time with ups and downs

Family & Parenting Marriage & Relationships
21

My husband and I have been together 14 years and married for 10. We too have had our rough patches, but I have to tell you that we are so fantastic right now! Please don’t give up yet! I have the same problem you do in that my parents had so many divorces, and I don’t want my kids to experience that, ever!

My husband is like yours and his sex drive is also very high. Mine is more average. So I have made a conscious effort to try to accommodate his needs a little more. And hopefully you will agree that once you start, it’s usually enjoyable for both of you!. One book suggestion I have is “Daily Sex” by Jane Seddon. It gives a different activity or position for 365 days. Now, you don’t really have to do it every day, but it gives some fun ideas (nothing too kinky) and really gets you talking about what you like and don’t like. Just a thought.

Also, I have learned that my husband can’t read my mind. Really, he can’t. So if something bugs me, or I want a special something for my birthday, then I tell him. And it’s amazing because he WANTS to do these things for me, but they generally just don’t occur to him, or he can’t figure it out. He’s kind and wants to make me happy. But sometimes he needs a push in the right direction. Although I’m not religious, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, was very helpful in understanding what we want, and our spouses!

So, don’t give up yet. And TALK to your husband and tell him your concerns and tell him what you want and work it out together. I’ll be he wants the same thing! Wishing you the best of marriages!!!

22

Wow! Thanks for all of the encouragement and advice. i was not expecting such a response, especially so quickly.
To clarify: It is NOT my depression meds that is causing my lack of sex drive. That happened long before I was on any meds. That is one of my SYMPTOMS of depression (and it is very common). The other symptoms I had like apathy, no energy, sadness, mood swings, were all helped greatly by the meds. My dr. and therapist both agreed that while the one I’m on tends to be one of the better ones for not affecting sex drive, it wouldn’t do anything to make it better. The reason I think the lack of drive is caused by my depression (which is a clinical, medical condition, not “being sad” or “issues” from my past) is that up until my mid twenties, I had a very healthy sex drive and we had a much better relationship in that area.
I really appreciate all of the suggestions. We do date night, though prob should do it more, and have been able to take a “babymoon” while pregnant with both kids for a week each time. Both times were great for reconnecting and this last time in particular (about a year and a half ago) we had a huge breakthrough and I felt much more connected after that. If only we could take tropical vacations without the kids twice a year :wink: We are planning a big trip for our ten year anniv. in 2013. I definitely think we are “committed” for the long haul; neither one of us wants to fail at this, but I want to feel like it’s a more fulfilling relationship for both of us.
Oh…and BTW, I agree, Taylor Swift is not a love expert, I know it was silly - this was not brought on just by watching her videos. It’s like anytime I see something romantic on TV or hear a love song I get that feeling like I’m missing something.