We try to do more family things, get together with the grandparents, let them pick a movie, etc. Also, my husband travels quite a bit and has lots of hotel points. We let the kids pick each year -- big party with friends, or go spend the night in a hotel! With an indoor pool! (my kids have winter birthdays). They ALWAYS choose the hotel over a party, and we win because it doesn't cost us anything.
And can I just say how much I HATE goodie bags at birthday parties! Can we please stop this "tradition"!
We do a kid party every other year beginning at age 5. We also celebrate with a special dinner out with our immediate family--nothing to fancy...favorite pizza place etc. It works for our family.
We do parties every year. Always have... as in my brothers and sisters always had parties, my parents always had parties, THEIR parents always had parties.
And everyone still living still has parties, regardless of age. The only difference is as you get older (and start having kids), you only get presents on "round" years... like 30, 40, 50 from people outside your immediate family.
For my son... if we have BIG parties (aka invite a lot of children) we make them "no present" parties. So if we have 20-30 kids we nix the present thing. And kiddo knows about it... so he can choose a small party (5 or 6 kids) and I don't say anything about presents, or a big party (20-30 kids) and on the invite we say no presents. If he wants to go somewhere (waterpark,etc.) then he can pick 1 friend to come with.
I have two kids with summer birthdays. We have birthday parties every each for each child that are pretty much all day events as a way to get family together. I think, too, it gives those who buy presents for my kids an opportunity to deliver the present. (My brother has yet to announce if he is having a bday party for my nephew whose birthday was almost a month ago, so I've been sitting on the gift, ideally wanting to give it to him in person. They are a busy family so finding another time to drop it off is tough. I may have to pop it in the mail.) We have a swimming pool, play equipment and toys galore so the kids play and the adults sit around and socialize. We have close to 30 relatives at the parties. For that reason and because my kids are only being introduced to the world of birthday parties for friends we haven't had many issues with that (my son just turned 6 and my daughter will turn 5 in a few weeks). I'm not sure how I will approach things when they ask for friend parties. I am thinking something smaller scale with a few close friends. We have a lot of discussions about money at our house and I'm sure those concepts will be worked into future conversations. Don't be afraid to put limitations on parties. Most of us can't give our kids everything they want, nor should we, IMO. Life just doesn't work that way.
I have a small family-only(including extended family)party until about age 4 and then do a reasonable sized b'day party for my child and some of their friends from that age on. My son turned 6 in March and we went out for a special dinner on his birthday and then that weekend we had a bowling party with 4 of his good friends. For my 3 year olds birthday last week, we took him to a science museum for his birthday and then had a family party on the following Saturday afternoon with about 6 guests. We don't spend a ton of money, but it is important for me to make their birthday special and to treat them to something they will enjoy.
we have family only birthdays ever year. and family means brothers and sisters aunts and uncles and grandparents. when they get to first grade they can invite friends over for a kids party. we usually do those till they hit about 10 then no more friends parties till they hit 18. then its a grad party. we still have cake and ice cream and family but not the big gift stuff of younger years. the parties at places we have done but most of the time they have a lot more fun in the backyard
Yes...I am one of those moms that does the huge parties every year lol! I have two boys and I really like their bdays to be special. We have had everything from clowns, spiderman, Kung Fu panda, etc....I love to make all kind of foods and deserts! We always have a lot of friends and family come over and have even done chuck e cheese a few times!! I love doing the goody bags and all that stuff. My boys always have a great time and we have a lot of wonderful memories :) I don't think there is anything wrong with being low key though. Maybe you could try a bigger party once and see how it goes :)
I don't have an exact plan for parties, but try to keep them small. My SIL has big parties for her kids every 3 years and it makes sense: when they turn 4, 7, 10, 13 and 16. Those are all sort of milestone years and it makes sense to the kids to do it that way. Other years, she has cake and ice cream for the immediate family, including grandparents. I think parents have gotten themselves into a bind with each year having to be bigger and better. What do you do by the time they turn 16? Rent a hall? Fly to Europe? It makes proms and weddings that much more expensive too. Hope that helps.
Mine is 4 and so far we've done, #1 and 2 - just us and grandma, #3 was a backyard party where I bought a waterslide instead of renting one, and #4 we negiotiated a weekend at the beach instead of a party.
My SIL likes to do big home parties and is getting tired of them. She's now going to do outside parties for like 5 kids for regular birthdays and big home parties for ages 5,10 and 15. Though it's cheaper, she says it's too much work.
I feel like, if I'm gong to spend $200 or more, I'd rather spend it on something more lasting than sending 10 kids to the bounce house.
If she really wants to do one of those other things, maybe you can plan a play date with one or two friends after her birthday.
We did friend birthday parties from age 4 or 5 til 9 or 10. At that point, the birthday celebration would be an outing with a few close friends, like the water park or amusement park. My daughter is 15 now, and her birthday celebration is a Broadway show with one friend
Don't go overboard if it's too expensive or stressful, but I do believe the kid should get some input. I always preferred to do the party out somewhere than at home, not deal with the mess, planning activities, etc.
You sound just like me! My daughter is almost 4 and since we have never lived near family we decided from the beginning that our children will have "birthday adventures.". I think parties ate over rated, expensive for all who plan and attend, and really don't leave a lasting impression. My daughter still talks about her birthday last year 3 yr old birthday) where we went camping at Jelly Stone park. This year we are taking her on a weekend trip to Atlanta to do the aquarium, something we have't done. Yes, she talks about parties and has made mention like "when I have my party..." but we always remind her that she will have a special birthday adventure and NOT a party. She is just as excited at the prospect of the special adventure as she woild be for a party. We also plan to take her as the only child and leave her brothers home with the grandparents. I had maybe two parties as a kid (5 and 13) and remember them very well. Probably because it was so special and not a yearly expectation. Don't feel like you have to throw a party because all the friends do it...make a choice that is right for your family and don't feel like you have to reciprocate or explain it.
My twin boys are turning four this year. Until this year, I've done a big party for them. Kind of odd now that I think about since they were unaware really. I freely admit the party was more for me than it was really about them. Crazy how much planning I did for their first birthday! :-)
This year I'm stopping that trend. I'm planning to take them for the Day Out with Thomas. And then a family dinner/party with cake. I love the idea of birthday adventures! That's what we'll be doing from now on! If they ever do request a party, I'll simply make it a choice between the adventure or the party and spend according to whatever I have budgeted. That means limiting the guest list if the activity is expensive. If I've budgeted $100 for the celebration, I feel happy to let them decide if it's an adventure or a party.
It's not a matter of saying "I can't afford a big party" (which creates a negative belief about money). It's more a matter of saying "As the parent, I'm choosing to budget XYZ amount, I feel open deciding how that money gets spent."
Hey! I know that these kinds of things have gotten way out of control. We do have parties for the kids but have been trying to keep things under control in terms of size. We sort of see birthdays as the one day that the kids get us to do goofy things that we would not necessarily normally do. We just had my daughter's 5th birthday party this weekend. She wanted a Mermaid Tale party. I made the cake (at her request), the kids decorated sea-animal sugar cookies (I premade them so they just had to decorate), the kids did little sea creature sand art crafts, sticker pages, and a toss the sea creature bean bag game (we already owned the game). We then turned part of the play room into Oceana (they had to complete the crafts to get there - this mostly involved a lot of tulle and a bubble machine), where they ate pizza, watermelon, and chips, and watched the movie. We had 8 kids all together (including my two), and that was plenty. My son wanted a water slide, so we did that for him in June. It was a little bigger, but he's also a couple of years older and when he hits 10, no more parties (maybe a couple of friends to sleepover). We have never rented a place to do a party and the kids seem to really like having them at home.
I think there is generally a middle ground to be had. Neither of my kids are big crowd people, so they kind of like smaller groups, but they also see other kids having parties and I think a little something is appropriate. Interestingly, my son almost didn't want a party this year (turned 7), so it might all work its way out by itself.
My daughter always has big family / friends parties. I think it's fun. Although I agree that kids sometimes want less. Last year TOO many kids came (neighborhood kids) this year my daughter specifically said she wants to invite LESS kids because it was too much last year. So it will be family (about 12 of us) and friends. She's inviting maybe 10 kids but I'm sure not all of them will come. We'll have a huge blowup water slide and a cookout. I don't really have to plan any activities when we have the one big slide. The kids play, the adults chat and hang out. We eat, have cake & ice cream, open presents - then after that people start trickling out .. but some stay for a while to hang out more.
I have a party each year at the house! It is the one time I clean the entire house top to bottom and invite people over. We don't typically entertain so this is the one time we go all out. It isn't about how many gifts he gets it is about having all of his friends over at once to play together. I make appetizers, serve soda and beer for those that want and we have cake. He has a great time and at the end of the night we clean up put the toys together and play.
I didn't read your prior responses. I'm one of those moms who is not a big party planner. My kids are 14, 10 and 7. Every year they take cupcakes to school for their class. That is the only party they have with their "friends". On the actual day of their bday if its during the week, they get to pick what they want for dinner. On the weekend, they have a party with just family and maybe neighbor friends, but so far they haven't even asked for that! So it's just us and we have food, cake and presents. And each year the kids get to pick what fun activity they want to do: movie, bounce-u, fair, etc. and that's all we do. They also have a party at their dads house since he has them every other weekend. When my kids were little, the first time they said they wanted a party with their friends I said, didn't you have a party at school with cupcakes? and they say yeah, so there is your party! the kids have never suffered, trust me. do what you want and don't feel obligated to keep up with what everyone else is supposedly doing. trust me, they probably don't want big parties either!
It's funny that you are asking this when I am now thinking about both of my children's birthdays coming up. Up until now I think I sound like your SIL. My son is going to be 5 and my daughter will be 2 and for each one of their birthdays I have done HUGE parties - I mean huge - inviting everyone of our family and friends feeding them a full meal and all. My sons birthday is at the end of September and the weather is always so beautiful we usually would do a huge cookout and it's been great - BUT a LOT of work. Last year my daughter's birthday at the end of October turned out to be freezing so we had to rent out a banquet room at a local hotel! I hated to cancel at the last minute so I just moved it. WELL! After that I vowed to husband, parents and brother and SIL that I would NEVER do that again. As my kids are getting older I am just too tired to do it all. I did look at it as a huge event - I used to entertain more before I had children so I saw their parties as a way to get together with everyone and the birthday was just a good excuse to get everyone together. From this point on I will do smaller parties. My husband was like you - never really had too many parties and didn't understand my desire to do it. But he let me do whatever I wanted and had to help me pull it together at the last minute. That's not fair to him. I think your idea for your daughters 4th birthday with giving her a choice is a great idea. Maybe she could invite a friend or two also. And if she does ask for "McDonalds/Monkey Joes/the park" just keep it as low key as possible by having her limit it to a couple of friends. Maybe you could have family over if they live nearby for simply cake and ice cream one Sunday afternoon or something. Just making it simple but special I believe will be enough. That's what I intend to do from now on!! Good luck :)
In my family, birthday's are low key, family only events. The birthday person gets to pick what restaurant we have dinner at. We might gather at my in-law's house for a breakfast and cake (weird, but it works for us). Lots of hugs, sharing of funny stories and laughter. Occasionally, as finances allow, we'll do a small pizza party at the local pizzeria or have a special friend join us in a family outing. But, for us, the focus is family, not themed extravaganzas.
If your daughter is not happy with the choices you present, I would smile at her and say, "Well, ok. Then your next option is no party at all. McDonald's/Monkey Joes/the park is not one of your choices. You can choose between the zoo, museum or pizza "just us" or nothing. Which do you want?" If she persists on the "friends" event, repeat the above. Stick to your guns. There's NOTHING wrong with a "just family" event.
You've had a lot of responses. I am a middle of the road party person. My kids are 5, 3 and 1. We've always had a family party (maybe one set of grandparents and an aunt or uncle) and then a playdate with cake for 2 friends for my son (he's now 5). For his 5th birthday we did actually have a bowling party for him, but it was too expensive to do the package and I refuse to pay that again. Next time if he wants to go bowling, we can invite two friends again, and then just bowl without the "party" package.
Growing up a I had a party on my 5th birthday the year I started Kindergarten, my Mom invited the whole class (I turned 5 in Sept about 3 weeks after school started). I think she wanted to do it to meet the kids in my class and some of the parents actually. I can see the value in that part of the party. Then I got to have 1 friend over on my birthday each year for a playdate or sleep over (when I was older).
I plan to do VERY simple parties for my kids with a playdate as they go into school. The petting zoo, jump house rental, hotel pool party is WAY out of my price range or patience level :)