Hi Kristina! When my daughter was born, her father and I weren't married either (planned on it but it never happened). I gave her his last name. I have never had any problems. And health insurance isn't a problem either. As long as you have the birth certificate, it's all good. Especially if you planned on getting married some day, you eventually will have the same last name.
Good luck!!
Leagally you can name the baby anything you want. It can be a last name you pick out of the phone book...it does not matter. As for insurance if you can prove with a birth certificate that this baby is your then you can insure this baby with your health insurance or the fathers.Names don't mean a thing anymore it is about proving the legal relationship.
I was not married when I had my daughter but we were engaged and had dated for a few years before the birth of my daughter. Becuase I had intended to marry my fiance I gave my daughter her father's last name. I had no idea we weren't going to work out we had been together for so many years it was a real shock. Now my daughter is stuck with a horrilbe last name that noone can correctly pronounce, my daughter dislikes her last name and it bother's her all the time that were differnt in that area. I get embarrassed or annoyed when filling out school papers or doctors appts and they assume her last name is mine or I have to mention YES I am the mother. My health insurance card says one name and her's says another name. I totally regret not giving my daughter my last name. And were stuck with it like this because her father will not give me permission to change it. I told my daughter when she's 18 I'll pay the money and let her change it. So my advise is to to have your child use your last name or hyphenite (sorry spelling).
Hi Kristina! First off, congratulations! I grew up with a hyphenated last name, and it was really just a problem for my teachers and myself growing up. However, both last names were incredibly ethnic (German and Mexican) and little hard to pronounce. Maybe if they had been more common names, it would have been easier? I kind of wished I'd just had my dad's last name. My parents weren't married either. Plus, if you DO end up getting married, and taking his last name, it would be a lot easier for your little one to already have his name- otherwise you'll have to go through a lengthy court process, where he will have to "adopt" your baby to get the name changed.
Good luck with whatever you decide- go with your instinct!
Just always remember nothing is a definate...having said that my daughter's dad and i were together for 6 years and my daughter carries his last name... to me it was a BIG mistake. Her dad and i broke up 1 1/2 years after she was born (she'll be 3 this march). Now he doesn't see her because he's "too busy" & we have both moved on. He's with someone else who doesn't "prefer" to have little kids around and I've started my family with someone else as well. My fiance takes care of my daughter as if she were his own. And now my son, fiance and I are all going to have the same last name (mine hyphinated with my maiden) and my daughter is not going to share any part of my name. I wish I would've left her name as my maiden name and then when/if her dad and i did get married we could've done a legal name change (or in WI you are allowed to change a baby's name up until a year old without going to court). I just feel i'm going to have to explain alot to my daughter as to why her name is different and why her dad isn't there, etc...
I struggled with the same issue. Make the baby's last name his:
1) if you do end up married then name changing baby will be that much easier 2) if he decides to skip out (sounds like he is loyal but stuff happens) then in court he shows responsibility having had the baby's name his last. Besides this, to show "ownership" and other myriad of reasons, give the child his last name. People will know the baby is yours, believe me.
You can pretty much do anything these days - I teach kindergarten and I have a girl in my class whose parents are married but didn't change their last names and she has her dad's last name, another girl's parents aren't married and she has both last names, a boy whose parents are married has both last names and another boy just has his mom's last name - his parents aren't together. It will make no difference w/ insurance....it is completely your choice! If I were engaged or planning to marry the father, I would give the child his name otherwise I'd probably use my last name.
Although I have a different situation than yours (the father of my child and I do not have a relationship) I caved in to the fathers idea of giving my son his last name, and I really really regret it. For health insurance and legal purposes it really doesnt matter. You will be on the birth certificate as the mother so you should not have any problems with any administrative things. I even got my sons passport and we have different last names. It is more of a HUGE daily hassle: doctors offices and daycare centers assume your last name and the babys are the same, paper work all has to be done twice, ect. It is also hard emotionally to not have the same last name as your child (at least it is for me). So I would just consider this and make the descision based on what YOU truly want otherwise you will regret it.
I was also in your situation and my boys both have their fathers name. I am remarried and have a different last name as my boys now. My sons are 14 and 10 and I have never had an issue with our last names. Ever. Your birth cirtificate is all you need. It has your name as it is now, your babies name as it will always be, and the fathers name. You choose what you want. I know a lot of unmarried couples that have hyphenated the last names and that works up until they start school and have to start spelling them. Then they choose one last name to use. I do sometimes regret giving my boys their fathers last names, but only due to the lack of relationship they have with their father now. Do what your heart tells you. What you feel is best. Good luck with your beautiful baby and future.
When my daughter was born, I was not with her father so I gave her my last name. Which I will NEVER regret. However when she was 5 he asked the court to hypen her last name and add his. Because he had married and he wanted her to share the same name has his other daughter and step-daughter. My daughter is now 9 and refused to hypen her last name. She only uses my maiden name.
At one time, my daughter, my son and I all had different last names. Believe me I had NO problems with insurance, daycare, school or anything like that. What I hate now is that since I got married my daughter has a different last name than me,my husband and my son.
I do still have my maiden name as a second middle name.
I has become the norm now a days that children have different last names than one of the parents.
You can always hypen her last name and if you marry her father, hypen yours as well. Otherwise give her your lastname, and have it legally changed when/if you get married.
I guess I don't understand why some people say it is the best thing to give the fathers name to the child. It is whatever way you feel most comfortable!!!
I guess I would have to agree with some of the other mothers and give your baby your last name for the time being. When/if you do marry, you may be inclined to change your last name and change baby's, too.
We have many more choices today than ever. I waited more than a year after I married before I took my husband's name (more for convenience and to avoid confusion). But I had no intention of giving up my identity and retained my maiden name and I now use it as my middle name. I don't hyphenate.
As a moderate feminist I cringe at the thought of how the practice of taking a man's sur name came into being. I didn't want to perpetuate such an antiquated practice of identifying ownership. That being said, your baby has just as much a right to your name as to his father's!!
Okay - I'm stepping down from my soap box. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you - that's all that matters.
Best wishes.
Kristina,
I went through the same thing with my first two children. I never married their father and when my first child was born, I have her his last name. Then when her brother was born, their father and I had just seperated (and stayed that way) but I also gave him his father's last name. It is actually way more common then you think for children to have a different last name then their parents. Actually, you can give your children any name that you want, even if it was to combine the two last names. When I call the school now, I just say this is Jasmine ..., Alicia and Austin .... 's mom. No questions ask, nor with their insurance. It is a big decision. As I look back, I kinda wish I would;ve given them both my maiden name and then probably would've changed it when I got married to my married name. They have a brother who is from my husband and then we would've all been the same, and I should've known that my relationship with their father was ending, but they are very comfortable with having their father's last name. There are times they have said we should have the same last name, but they understand that they are part of their dad too. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have been together for a long time and you need to just take in you feelings and decide what do you want? What do you feel most comfortable with? If you want them to have the same last name as their father, do that then. It really won't cause as much of a problem, in my experience as you think. I actually just signed up my son and niece for a class with me, and of course my son and I have the same last name, but my niece a different one, and on our first day of class they didn't realize the my niece was not my child. I explained that i thought when I emphasized she had a different last name that they would know that. They said it is so common that children have a different last name then one of their parents, they just assumed that she was mine too. I hope that helps!
I myself have a child from a boyfriend at the time we are no longer together but my son does have his father's last name. Insurance works the same as it would if the baby has your last name. All the really ask for is the social security number and date of birth. I have had 3 differant employers since I've had my son who will be 7 years old in May. And I have not had any problems with Insurance. Same with school, there are a lot of children out there that have there father's last name and not there mothers which ever last name you choose for your baby it'll all work out fine. Hope that helps a little.
Nickie
I have a child that has a different last name as I do. The insurance would have the child listed as the last name that is given to them, I have never had a problem with that. As far as how people will know if the child is yours, I have never had a problem with this, all they do is ask you if you are the mother. The situation is pretty common.
Kristina:
It is completely up to you what you want to do. As for the insurance, will the baby be under his insurance or yours. Are the last names long or are they fairly short, that it won't be that hard for your little one to write out? As for the insurance issue you may want to contact the insurance company and find out how they handle that, as each insurance company doesn't handle things the same.
Tracey
I have 3 children by the same man and we arnt married and the all have his name and e have been together for 5 years. i honistly would give the baby his last name.
My sister in law was in your shoes. She gave her son her last name, not the father's. Good luck with whatever you decide!
Thank you to all that replied! This feedback helps a lot. Will definately use the fathers name! Thanks again to all