Hi Mary, at this point I wouldn't concentrate so much on the time schedule as I would the "routine" in general. Every day is different you know... We have dinner when my hubby gets home then playtime then bathtime then story time with a little bit of cuddling with mom and dad on the couch and by that time he is out, girl. You just need to try to get her fed, wound up, wound down, and then relaxed enough to be able to sleep. Ha Ha! But in all serious, imagine yourself getting some great news or running two miles and then going home and going straight to bed, does that make sense?
Anyways, I hope this helps! Good Luck!
Hi!
I'm 50 and a mom of three, all grown. Yes, you are on the right tract!!! Children do need to establish a healthy bedtime. Not only for them but for you and your husband. Feed the baby before he gets home she can have fruit or something and still sit at the family table. Then at 8:15 bathe her let dad do some bonding by reading a few minutes and put her to bed. Be firm. It won't take but a few nights to establish a routine. He'll thank you for it later.
one quick and easy solution to this would be turn over bedtime issues to your husband completely. just step back after the june cleaver mealtime. maybe suggest you clean up after supper while daddy has one on one time w/daughter. this will either help him see your point of view or give you a much needed break to work on finishing your classes. he could do week nights and you could do weekend nights maybe. sometimes people have to walk in each other's shoes to see the other side. this just a suggestion---do what you feel is right. take care and good luck on this wonderful (most of the time) journey on raising your beautiful daughter!
The best solution would be to establish a routine. It can be, a bath, few favorite books, kisses, and goodnights. Do this everynight. Tell your daughter that you will be right in the other room and won't leave the house. If she's already in a toddler bed, make sure to quietly and quickly walk her back to her bed if she gets out.
As for the crying method, she might do it a few nights until she realizes what's going on; until she notices the pattern or sequence of events.
Good luck~!
Mary, You don't say what time she naps and does she have dinner at 7:00 when dad gets home. Try changing her nap to earlier and shorter. She really needs to have her meal about five to six and maybe a very small cracker and jello snack to "EAT" with dad. Let dad play with her as soon as he gets home, but by 7:30 it should be time for her to start unwinding again. Try a short bath with both of you in to pj's a tuck in and a story by 8:30 from mom and dad, lights out and close door. At her age she is training you and dad with her whining, not the other way around. And dads are always saps with those little girls. I had my children raised and gone and had another at 40, so I can say been there still doing that she is almost nine and I'm still paying for that cute whine she had at 15 months. Her dad and I fought continuously about that and now he is gone and I have to try to UNLEARN her behavior. Tell dad it's okay to love her to death but he won't find it so much fun or cute when she is fifteen doing it. One thing for sure, stay away from the sweet or pop at night. Even 99% of juices have a ton of sugar.
Mary,
I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. I did the same with both of them - began laying them down by themselves (after quiet story time) when they were about 6-7 months old. Yes - they cried, and it absolutely killed me - I cried too! But it only lasted about a week. Consistency is the key. Pick a time that works best for your family and stick with it. If you need to feed her earlier before your husband gets home, then do it. Then he will have a little time with her before she HAS to go to bed. You will always have times when she absolutely will not go to bed - or even has trouble sleeping (just like the rest of us!), but for the most part, the sooner you do this and stick with it, you're going to have a very easy time from then on out. My kids are great at bed time. They have a routine of getting into jammies, brushing their teeth, we all climb in one of their beds, read, and then it's lights out - night night time. My 5 year old is a real thinker, so sometimes she has trouble turning her mind off and getting to sleep. My 3 year old is out within 5 minutes!! And just to give you and your husband something to think about... I have some friends that have a 4 year old daughter - and to this day, she will not sleep in her own bed and always ends up in their bed - right in the middle!!! That alone should scare you into doing this now! I apologize if I'm being very blunt about this, but I'm a true believer that a husband and wife should have their time together and the kids need to be in their own bed, when you say so, not when they say so. Just do it - you'll be glad you did!
my daughter did the same thing she is 19 months now, u have to just put them in there and let them cry themselves to sleep. it will take about a week of that and then they will get the picture, my daughter still cries to an extent, u have to tell him if he doesnt let u just do it she will run ur house in a year or so cause shes getting her way.lay her down turn the monitor on low and close the door.now my daughter 99% of the time goes to sleep the second i lay her down and shes in bed at 8pm. hope this helps...
setting a bedtime is hard at that age I know, what worked for me was putting my son in bed rassuring him that I would be back in a few minutes to check on him and keeping my word each and every time. Also, he had a special stuffed animal that we played along that his puppy was tired so we kept telling the puppy night night and giving him hugs and kisses and then are son would cuddle the puppy and close his eyes. Some nights were harder than others, he did fuss a few times and my husband and I took turns going to him and telling him what a big boy he was to sleep all by himself and that he needed his rest to be big and strong and that puppy would be scared without him. We struggled with him maybe a week before he decided bedtime wasn't so bad. Now he is nearly 2 and 1/2 and when we say it is time for bed he comes to us and gives us kisses and hugs and walks upstairs to bed and we check on him within five minutes and he is cuddled with puppy in his bed.
Hi Mary,
I have two 16 month olds. We've gone back and forth with bedtimes, usually the babies deem when change is approriate! We used to get to bed betwwen 8 and 8:30, but that has since changed to 7:15 to 7:45! In the middle of the summer! What changed is that they only get one nap at daycare now. I've read, and it certainly appears to be true in our case, that toddlers really need at least 12 hours of bedtime sleep with another two hours of nap time during the day. And to be honest with you, I won't think twice about putting them down as soon as the whining starts. Normally (notice the word there!) they just go right down with no crying, and sometimes I can hear them in there talking to each other. If they do throw a fit at the designiated bed time, I'll give them 15 minutes to cry it out. If that fails, I'll go in and rub their backs while they're still in bed. Hope this is helpful! Take good care!
Nicole
Hi Mary,
My husband deployed to Iraq when my daughter was 2weeks old. My son was six at the time. I decided early on that I was in charge and they were going to be in a routine or I would never have any down time at night. You are right that a toddler needs to be in bed by 8:30pm. After they get used to it, they don't cry and they actually like the routine. They know what to expect. My daughter is three now and still on that rountine. I give her advance ntice that it is almost time to go to bed. Everyone comments on how well she goes to bed. It's because I established a bedtime routine and time early now. I hope this helps. Good luck with the degree. I also went back to school when my son was a toddler.
I see you have numerous responses from others to read, so I will keep mine short. An awesome book I highly recommend is:
"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD
This book is great at recognizing each child is unique and while not everything works for every child, offers Excellent advice with research proven explanations. Perhaps you and hubby can read the book together and come to a happy conclusion for your own family!
~Holly, mother of 14 month old son and #2 due in 3 weeks!
Hi Mary,
Just to let you know, we never let our son cry it out and he is still in our bed. He will be 7 in September. So do it now while she is still young b/c it does get harder as they get older. You have to enforce rules and a bed time ritual. Why can't Dad bathe her and read her a bedtime story while you clean up the kitchen after dinner. He has an 1 1/2 with her then you can both tuck her in with a special stuffed animal or blanket.
Mary,
You are right, your toddler needs to cry a little in order to establish a good bedtime routine, as well as to learn how to fall back asleep when she wakes up during the night.
I have a 19 year old, as well as a 4 and 6 year old. My 19 year old established good sleep patterns at about 5 months old and had a very regular bed time. We were too easy on the 6 year old (my new husband didn't want to hear her cry either), which caused a lot of unecessary sleepless nights for all of us.
Years ago, Dateline NBC did an excellent show on how to get toddlers to go to sleep at night. I'd recommend that you try to find it at your local library and have your husband watch it with you.
Good luck!
Carol
I am sure you will get LOTS of advice on this one. I have three children and my younger have much better sleep habits because they were forced to learn to self soothe to sleep because the FIRST child we gave way too much attention, Ironically my younger two are wonderful to put to bed because they learned because they had no choice while I spend time with the high maintence bed time of their older sister! If you sit with her I think you should sit in the room while facing the door for a few minutes and then leave without talking to her. It is hard but it really is best. I guess be glad your husband wants to spend time with her! That is sweet.
Put her to bed after playtime, whether or not she cries. My husband and I have twin boy 19-month olds. We adopted them when they were 7 months old. Within two weeks of adopting them, we began putting them to bed at 8pm. For the first few days they cried horribly, and it was very tough to listen to. However, since then, they go to sleep. Occassionally, they cry dramatically for about 15 minutes, but it's usually only about a 5 minute cry. After that...peace and a 12 hour night's sleep:) This has given us private time and the kids a specific schedule. Once in a while, of course, they stay up a little later, but only because of special circumstances. I am not saying that your daughter needs to go to bed at 8:30pm. I'm suggesting that whatever time the two of you choose, stick with it and allow her to go to sleep knowing that at first she may cry.
I am by no means an expert on this subject, but I can tell, from experience, that letting your child "cry it out" for a few minutes will do nothing but help you in the long run. We did this with both my sons and now, at age 2 and 4, for the most part, they are wonderful sleepers. I won't lie...it can be horrible to sit and listen to your child cry, for anything more than a minute or two, but it truly helps them learn to soothe themselves to sleep. After a few hard nights of letting them cry, they eventually learn that it's time for sleep. Luckily, my hubby and I saw eye to eye on this. He too, gets home late from work and gets very little time with the kids, but we both agreed that establishing a good bed time and routine was good in the long run.
Good luck!
Mary,
I sympathize with you. You are dealing all day and you're ready to wind it down as early as possible! Then your husband comes home and revs (sp?) your daughter up again. Maybe his playtime can be bath (if that's in your routine before bed)? As for having her wait till 7 to eat, my daughter at 15 mo would've been starved by then (not to mention pushing back bed time). Perhaps he can leave a little earlier for work and come home a little earlier? Just a thought.
I have 2 girls, one 3 and one 10 mo. Hang in there!
Susan
I had the same problem with my son. Try cutting the naps down to one hour or at the most two hours....Daycare started making him nap around 11:45 to 12:45 or 1:45...Then he gets up and eats and plays the rest of the day. If you have a TV in her room, turn the volume down low and set it on a timer...My son loves to lay in his bed and watch cartons or a movie and then fall asleep. She probably will cry or want you to sit with her, but that is okay...gradually let her sit by herself and cry if she needs too.
Hi Mary,
You sound very frustrated. I can empathize.
Are you concerned because you want your daughter to have more structure-- a schedule? Or do you want more time for yourself and your husband?
My husband often works long hours, too. Getting the kids to bed early doesn't work for us because he doesn't get to see them. It was hard for the kids because they begin to miss him. They'll ask about him all day and cry. And for my husband, at the end of a long day, he wants to see the kids. It's a reward for working so hard to support our family.
So, I try to streamline dinner and the bedtime routine. He tries not to be too rowdy with them so they can settle down. He reads to them and prepares them for bed while I tidy up after dinner.
As for time with my husband, well, we just make an effort on the weekends when we're more energetic anyway.
Since I'm a stay-at-home mom, I don't mind us all going to bed a little later. We can sleep later because we don't have to be anywhere in the morning. I'd rather let the kids sleep in than miss seeing their dad at night.
Although some parents advocate crying it out, I’m wary about doing anything that causes me to numb my attention to the children’s needs. They are children, not miniature adults. When I cry, I want empathy from my husband. My children deserve the same sensitivity. So I figure it’s my job to make the household run smoothly and peacefully, and if the kids do something inconvenient, then I need to figure out a compassionate solution.
Best of luck,
Tiffany A.
My husband works swing shift and sometimes he doesn't get to see our kids because of their nap schedules. Since my son was 10 months old we've made it a habit to be in bed between 9 and 10. I know it's a little late, but it works for all 3 of us, and he usually sleeps for 12 hours at night. We just lay him in his crib and let him be. He used to cry when we laid him down, but he's gotten used to it, and if he's not ready to go to bed he talks and plays with his animals. I know we have a great sleeper, he also takes a 3 hour nap during the day, and all children are different, but it works for us!!
Good Luck!