Jan, please stop sending gifts. You are already giving a HUGE gift by having your granddaughter live with you while she is in college. I hope she is good to you.
If your son asks why you stopped sending gifts, tell him that it hurts you that they think so little of you that they never send any acknowledgement that you are his mother, that his wife never calls or shows any caring toward you as her MIL, and that you realize that they just don't care. It also hurts that they can't even send their own daughter gifts.
If he acts ugly, then you know that all he wants out of you is money. If he says he is sorry, then that is good. However, no more gifts.
I would not hesitate to ask him why he doesn't acknowledge his daughter on her birthday and xmas and to let him know that you think that that is horrible. You can throw in there how it hurts you that they don't acknowledge you either, but mostly it should be about his child. And I would definitely stop with the gifts. If nothing else, that will probably get his attention.
I would take it as a new rule (I follow other peoples' social leads when it happens several times in a row): adults don't need gifts/cards. If they don't give you one, then they don't need one (that sounds catty, but I'm thinking that if someone doesn't phone their mother for a birthday, then birthdays aren't being "played" between them anymore, meaning stop letting it be a one-sided thing. If he can't recognize you and wish you a happy birthday, then you can just phone him to say happy birthday, but no gifts or cards). Kids are a different story. I'd give a gift to my step granddaughter. And I WOULD tell him that his daughter is still young and should be acknowledged from her parents on her birthday and Christmas, PERIOD.
My husband forgot his mom's birhtday once. He was 19. She cried on the phone when he did call, she gave him the rejected hurt cry. He will never let me forget her birthday.
I would start sending just cards. Let him know it is hurtful to you that he does not acknowlegde his own daughter. That you understand getting mom a card is difficult but his daughter deserves better treatment. Lay it on thick. You did not raise an ingrate. Let him have it for yoru granddaughter's sake. And tell him, even a gift card to Claire's or MAcy's is good.
I am sorry that you are being ignored by them and that it hurts you! I know it doesn't feel very good. I personally would stop sending gifts or over the top things to them. If they don't acknowledge/reciprocate I would take that to mean they aren't interested.
Instead, I would work on the relationship with your daughter-in-law if that is what you are seeking. If you want to get to know her better, see if she wants to chat on the phone every few weeks etc.
Follow their social graces and keep your cards and money to yourself! I hate it when any adult child forgets the parent(s) who sacrificed for them--unless that parent was a no-good one...
I would definitely say STOP sending gifts you can't afford and ignore what you call the situation. This is most likely the norm in many, many families - right or wrong, comfortable or uncomfortable. If you want to send something to them, send a card only and express your love in words alone and wish them a happy birthday. You are showing your family you are a loving grandmother by helping to support your granddaughter while she's living with you for college. I'm sure her dad greatly appreciates that love and gester even though he may not know how to show it (at this time anyway). Just call them or send a card from time to time to let them know your thinking of them and wish them a happy birthday/Merry Christmas in that manner.
Well, this doesn’t pertain to me, but certainly does to my best friend. Her son is living with a woman & they had a baby in Nov. 2014. This is my best friend’s 1st grandchild, & she’s gone gaga about it. Last year, the son & his partner didn’t give my friend anything for Christmas…not even a card. This year, my friend not only sent money to EACH of them, but also something for the grandchild. What did my friend get in return?..NOTHING! “They” (son & his partner) said they didn’t exchange gifts…they were saving their money. I feel so badly for my friend, but although she doesn’t say anything, I know she feels it…she must. If they’re saving their money, why would they drive 6 hrs. to look after the partner’s sister’s home & dog? The gas money alone had to be quite a bit. They can do such things, but not give my friend a card?
I bought a lovely frame, & put my friend & the baby’s picture in it, wrapped it…along with a card to say it was from the baby. She was thrilled. It bothers me no end that her son & his partner do nothing. It seems in my friend’s eyes her son can do no wrong…he’s so good at everything he does, great at baseball, etc.etc. I just roll my eyes. Personally, I think the son & his partner are takers, not givers.
As for you, I’d suggest you stop sending the gifts. A simple call to extend birthday wishes, Christmas, or whatever should suffice. I’d like to suggest to my friend that she stop sending things as well, but I certainly don’t want to put a strain on the friendship.
Know that your not alone. My oldest son and his wife don’t ever send me a card or give me a present on my birthday or Christmas or Mothers Day. I would almost dread the occasions because it does hurt a lot. Over the years gradually I grew used to it and stopped worrying about it. I think it might be a male thing because my daughter never forgets any occasion. My youngest son is also like my oldest son although they both call on these occasions and we spend Christmas with them it still hurts. I’ve also come to the conclusion that it’s a different generation. Wives then would always be the ones to send cards and gifts. It was expected. Todays working wives don’t take that responsibility. They work full time and have a crazy busy schedule and just don’t feel it’s their responsibility to remember her husbands family. I don’t think it’s personal and I’ve gotten to the point I accept it. You should do what makes you feel comfortable. It was hard at first stepping back and just sending a card. We do always buy our grandson gifts and they live close so we are able to give them to him in person. I just wanted you to know your not alone and it’s most likely not personal. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.
I want to thank all of you for your resposes. You have helped me make a decision. First just want to clear up some things. My son and daughter-in-law do celebrate birthdays and holidays. My son has a good relationship with his daughter, they text and talk quiet often. My granddaughter and I do exchange gifts. She works and she always sends her dad and stepmother gift cards for birthdays and Christmas. I feel my son can afford gifts because I see pictures on facebook of them celebrating at resturants or at home with birthday cakes. I don’t care about the gift part for me, it is just the thought, a card would be fine. My granddaughter deserves more. Her mother is out of the picture so she receives nothing from either parent. Getting back to my decision, It is a new year so no more birthday gifts, cards only. I will tell my son what I think about him not sending his daughter gifts and leave it at that. He is my only child and I did not raise him to not be grateful.