I could have written this myself! I absolutely love reading, and wish my daughter would want to read as well- she doesn’t. Great reader, good scores, just doesn’t love it. She is now 13. I never forced it because as you said, I don’t want her to hate it. Her schools have always required about 20 mins per night of reading, so she does need to do it. What drives me crazy is that if people mention a book that she has read, she’ll talk about and say how good it was- just doesn’t motivate her to read more!
I will also say that I’ve tried to make it as cozy and enjoyable as possible. In the winter, I’ll make some hot chocolate or something and suggest we read at the same time- me with my book and her with her’s, all snuggled under blankets. This was there’s a treat attached and she also sees me reading. This has helped. Could do the same with lemonade or something for the summer.
I didn’t love reading when I was in high school, but love it now. So don’t force it and hopefully she’ll come around. But make the reading experience as fun as you can for her right now so she has a positive association. Good luck!
You know, reading fits with a certain personality type. Readers tend to be more contemplative than active, more introverted than extroverted, more cerebral than physical, more linear than 3-d in their thinking, and (obviously) more verbal than visual/mathematic/musical/kinesthetic/etc. Not that there aren’t readers who don’t fit this mold, but this is overarching statistical pattern.
And, the world needs the other types of people. It needs vibrant, dynamic, busy social butterflies. It needs budding engineers who take everything apart to see how it works. It needs athletes and rock stars and … you get the idea. Believe me, there aren’t enough jobs out there for us editor/librarian/English major types as it is.
So, after all that, my advice to you is to sort of split the difference. Keep encouraging reading, but not with the expectation that she’ll love it. Do it with the expectation that she’ll start to hate it less. And encourage reading that suits other personality types – how-to manuals; social, gossipy stuff with lots of dialogue; texts with a lot of action and adventure and not so much lyrical description – whatever sounds like a match for her. Whatever you try, though, if you do it with slightly lower expectations, that may take the pressure off, and you may get better results.
I’ll venture to say that she hasn’t found the right book series. Who is picking the books? You or her?
If you just “back off” and let her do what she wants, she will end up being a mediocre high school student and may not be interested in going to college. Others may disagree with me, but I really think that “backing off” is the wrong thing to do. High school is HARD. Kids need to read, no matter what.
If I were you, I would have her tested to try to figure out WHY she is fighting you so hard over this. Yes, yes, I know that sometimes personalities are why kids don’t want to do things. But sometimes it’s more than that. If you don’t have her tested, how will you know??
And if it’s a power struggle between you two, then this is an attitude thing. Instead of giving in to her, find a way to win her over, away from “the dark side”. Get her in the library and let her read genres that you normally wouldn’t pick out. What about the graphic novel? (Comic books.) Manga? Harry Potter? Are there movies that she likes that are in book form? Fan fiction? Silly girls’ magazines about teenage idols?
You DO need to require her to read. What you need to first do is make her identify what she likes to read and then work through that to get her used to doing it. I promise you that if she doesn’t read at home, she’s not going to read at school and her grades will show it. So will her SAT and all her school testings leading up to it.
Doris is right. Reading should be done every day. And while yes reading a craft direction is reading unless she is doing it consistendly for a while each day then she is not really getting much reading in.
Reading is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it. Maybe she just needs some different types of books. You don’t say what type of books she has been reading so far. Is she trying to read books that are over her reading level? Below level? That is an important thing to know. Trying to read a book that is to hard in either the words or the material is not a good thing.
But here are some series of books that might peak her interest.
magic treehouse series
the secrets of droon series
the wayside school series
horrible harry series
junie b jones series
the babysitters club little sisters
hank the cowdog
dork diary’s series
diary of a wimpy kid series
box car children series
nancy drew series
hardy boys series
goosebumps series
redwall series
gregor the overlander series
eragon / eldest / brisinger
harry potter series
charlie bone series
magazines like girls life etc
i know a lot of people like them but I hate hate hate the graphic novels but if that is the only way to get her to read then maybe go with some of those
Well at my kids’ school, even in Kindergarten, the kids are required… to read daily. And log it in various ways.
The length of time a kid needs to read, daily, varies per age/grade.
In the upper grades, the child also had to, write a synopsis of what they read.
My daughter is not a bookworm either. BUT if it is a book SHE likes, then she will sit there and read and read.
She knows, what kind of books she likes. So that is half the problem solved.
And my daughter also likes to read on her Nook HD, which was given to her for Christmas by a relative.
Not all people are bookworms.
But per school and homework etc., reading is necessary and required.
So your daughter will have to learn, that such is life. Doing things even if it is not really something you want to do.
You’ve gotten lots of suggestions and perspectives.
I’ll throw my 2 cents out here:
Try graphic novels. They have tons of pictures with some dialogue and text. My nephew hated reading until he found some graphic novels that he liked. Magazines and comic books also count–don’t just focus on “regular” books. If she likes acting, have her read a play. My friend and I love Anne of Green Gables as kids, and found the script and acted some parts of it out. That was a neat/interesting experience.
Do keep reading with her, and also have her try writing her own stories, maybe dictating to you or having you type. If she does a lot of imaginative play, you could write down some of her stories and type them up for her, maybe with her drawing some illustrations.
Also, give her some incentives, like a trip to get a sundae if she reads X books beyond her school assigned ones. Or, some other special thing or activity as an incentive–but make sure you and she both know you’l expect her to tell you something about the book so she can’t cheat.
I am a reading specialist. In our district students K-5 are required to read independently 60 minutes a day (30 at school and 30 at home). By the end of 2nd grade students have the goal of reading one chapter book per week. We focus on the books being “fast, fun, and easy” and the books are always child selected. This summer with my own daughter (going into 1st grade) we haven’t pushed her to read independently every day, but we read to her 20 or more minutes almost every day. (I just finished reading a Magic Tree House book to her beginning to ensign one sitting.)
Try letting her choose what she wants to read–graphic novels, magazines, blogs, newspapers, favorite picture books-- whatever appeals to her. Don’t force her to read something she doesn’t want to read.
The reading doesn’t always have to be in big chunks. She can read for short bursts of time throughout the day.
She probably just needs to find the right book and then she will be hooked. Try reading short books in a series. Read the first one to her. Read the second one together (taking turns reading out loud.) Then encourage her to read the next one on her own.
Watch a movie that has been adapted from a book and then read the book together.
Set a fun goal for her. If you finish reading this book by the end of the week we can go/do/buy----. Find a reward that really appeals to her. (I wouldn’t do this too often. You want her to read for the fun and enjoyment of reading, not for what she can get if she reads.)
Keep reading to her. It’s OK to read books that are a couple of years beyond what she can read herself. That will help to build her vocabulary.
For most kids, once they find them “perfect” book they take off with their reading. Not all of them turn into avid readers, but they will at least read for enjoyment.
I understand where your coming from. One book to read (and I’m not 100% sure of the title) PARENTS WHO LOVE TO READ: CHILDREN WHO DON’T. It is written by an English teacher of over 20 years
My son got to the point that he absolutely hated to read, which is a major problem since we home school. I really got to talk to him and found out that he hated the stories in his reading comp. book. So, I shut the book, took him to the library and check out a couple of the DIARY OF A WIMPY KID books. The first night I let him read in his room for 20 mins after he went to bed. I told him he needed to put the book down and get to bed. Another 20 mins I told him again to put the book down and get to bed. I checked on him again, he had turned off his light, got my book light and had read almost half of the book. Now, my book light doesn’t work any more because he has used up the batteries.
I don’t think that forcing her will help at all, in fact it may make her hate it even more. I think that making an incentive chart would be the best. We get involved in reading programs during the summer from the library and during the school year we sign up for Pizza Hut Book It program. https://www.bookitprogram.com/
My son did not like reading for a long time. I tried to set a good example by reading myself. We made weekly trips to the library. We eventually got him his own library card and I let him pick out books that he likes. That helped. Another thing that my son likes is to read comic book type books – i.e. Garfield and even the Wimpy Kid books. I think he was overwhelmed looking at all the words on the page. It breaks it up when there are a lot of fun pictures to look at and they still have to read the dialog. Reward systems are good too. Good luck!
I am a reader and I read everyday and, when the kids were little I read to them everyday. I talk about books and we go to book stores and buy books. We go to the library a lot. Both of my daughters’ read a lot on their own (ages 11 and 14). I’ve always believed they like to read because I love to read and it was part of how we live. Some people have sports, we have books. But it may be coincidence, I really don’t know.
I would ask her what it is about reading she doesn’t like. Perhaps she is struggling with some words and needs help or hasn’t found a book that’s of interest to her. My younger sister struggled with reading when she was younger in part because she was a slow reader and got impatient and was reading books that weren’t of big interest to her. When I had to babysit, I told my sisters that at a certain time, the tv would be off and we would all read on our own for about 45 minutes and I’d set a timer. At that time, they each got a book and so did I and we each found our own comfortable spot to read in. Most of the time, when the timer dinged, they said they wanted to keep reading.
Thanks so much everyone, for the great advice, perspective and commiserating! I’ll back off and be sure to count all the other ways she reads - cookbooks, craft instructions, etc. - and try to make reading time more fun, less pressure.
