My heart aches for your daughter. I remember those years all too well. Girls at that age are so mean. I think it is very common in all schools. I remember crying all the time and praying for friends. Sometimes I think the prettier and more talented girls are more picked on. I guess there is a little jealousy. Just tell her to hang in there and do whatever you can to make her feel special.
My heart goes out to your daughter, I can guess what seh is going through because a similar thing happened to me when I was in 6th grade. I amnow 28 years old and I still struggle with feelings of worthlessness that started when I was teased and tormented by the horrible classmates that I had in 6th grade. I was the new girl in that small town and somehow became hated because I was so different (grew up in East Asia, liked to eat sushi, my parents had a little more money than most, etc.) The other kids, both girls and boys, called me all kinds of names, slut was a favorite, made fun of my hair, clothes, and everything else about me, stole from my locker, told the teachers lies about me, and were just generally monsters. I still hate those kids so much, the worst part was that I began to believe them and think that no one would ever want to be my friend because I was so worthless. I wanted to die and I thought about killing myself every night as I lay in bed trying to sleep, but I loved my parents and siblings too much to do that to them. It really was the worst experience of my whole life, and I am so grateful that my parents finally decided to take me out of school and homeschool me for a year until we moved to Korea, where I was much more accepted at my new school. If you are willing to give it a try, homeschooling may be a good solution for your daughter too, esspecially now days when you can do it all online for free through your local school district (depending on where you live, but that is the case in Idaho where I live). Getting involved in more positive social settings outside of school will help too, look for activities that involve other age groups too, whether older or younger than your daughter. Good luck, and please don't underestimate how much it hurts to be hated at school.
Girls can be so mean! Don't you think this is normal? Moving or changing schools will not change the problems, they might be different but still there will be problems, this is part of growing up. I know it is so hard to watch your kids suffer, we want them to not get hurt! But learning to deal with these situations is actually good, we all know that this stuff carries over in to adult life in different forms. I would say maybe get her involved in some activities that she really likes, all my kids do Tae Kwon do and it has had a positive affect on them. But anything, maybe dance or drama or sports? Something to build her confidence! Hang in there mom, she will be ok!
No specific advice, but I think it's common everywhere. I remember 5th grade as being the hardest year socially and emotionally. I hated it! I too had one great friend, but the rest of the girls were set on making our lives miserable. They were constantly discussing who was going out with whom, etc. I had no desire to "date" in 5th grade, not that my parents would have let me! Anyway, a tough year, but 6th grade was much better.
Hi I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I am also, my fourth grader is going through this also. I do think this is common for most places. what we tell our daughter is to just ignor them and move on. we are teaching her that as long as they are just words and not actions that we can tearn the other cheek. If they become actions then we take other steps. you could talk to the teacher, and the school princable and see if that could be of help.
good luck and just remember to always let her know you love her no matter what.
We've had talks with my daughter about friends who are still learning how to be a good friend. It helped her to think of it like that. "She's a good person. She just hasn't finished learning how to be a good friend yet."
Let your daughter set up a play date at least once a week. One-on-one time with a friend really firms up their friendship.
We also teach our kids to say stuff like "I don't want to play that game, let's play something else."...."Wow. I can't believe you said that, that was kinda rude." and when someone says "I prolly shouldn't say this..." to respond with, "ok, then don't."
Unfortunately, she is doing to find bullies and mean people every where. Moving would not teach her how to deal. I've also heard that the mean girl thing actually starts earlier in life, so she had a few years of grace.
When my daughter was having some issues with one girl, we chatted about what things she could do to impact the situation. I let her come up with some ideas then I suggested a few as well. I told her some of my experiences with mean people and how sometimes showing a bit of grace or taking an interest in getting to know that person could make a difference too.
I also just got out of The Landmark Forum and got some powerful insights about the stories/interpretations that I've been dragging around with me for over 40 years. They have a session specifically for Young People. How powerful it would have been to understand some of these principles and gain power and choice back when I was young. You can google Landmark Education for more info.
Hope that helps!
Take care,
Susan
Moving is not the answer. This is something that is common everywhere. The best thing you can do is help your daughter feel her worth.
Julia;
I also have a 5th grade girl and she is going through much the same thing. She is liked by her teachers and the school staff but the other kids seem to hate her and fight with her all the time. She has even been kicked out of school because another boy hit her and she fought back. I, like yo, have thought about moving her to a different school but in my small community it is not an option. I have talked with other Mothers from other schools and it seems to be everywhere. We thought the problem was because my daughter is different, she is adopted. (We were her grandparents)
I don't know what to tell you but if you would like to visit with me you can email me and we can go from there. I live in Wyoming and even though I have three grown sons my daughter is the only one living here so she really is an only child.
Please keep me posted.
Good luck;
Jean ([email protected])
It is everywhere and going into junior high it will probably be worse. My 5th grader has the same problems.Her " best " friend turned on her and managed to make every other girl in her class turn against her also.
It was hard for her to where there was physical action involved. All I could tell her is to mind her own business and be nice as she could try. Eventually, the other girls backed off and was nice again to her. The "best" friend only ended up with one other girl to pal around with.
Sorry to hear of your daughter's struggles. My neighbor moved her girl to two different, local schools for much the same reasons. She has been disappointed to find hassles at each. So moving the whole family seems a big response, but an understandable one to consider.
I haven't read all the replies, forgive me if I repeat a sugestion.
The Girl Scouts of Colorado have a program to address this "relational agression" that many girls experiment with around middle school. It is called Power UP. Lisa Scott is the coordinator and her email is [email protected] She is busy but will get back to you!
THey run 6 week and over night programs to help girls learn to deal with eachother.
Also, in Boulder County, there are a few girls groups run by the school district and private therapist to help ease this transition to highschool that seems to begin around 5th grade. Maybe there are such by you?? It seems to be very powerful for the girls to begin to figure out things among their peers and for themselves, so these guided group settings may help your daughter, and you!!
-Annette
WOW!!!! I am going through the same thing with my daughter and a few girls in her class...She also has one good "Best Friend" that has been since kinder....so they've been together from the start, but these other girls came in in the 2nd and 3rd grade...anyway I notice you posted this January 10th of 09'...so how did u resolve this problem????Please help me because my daughter is really getting tired and wants to resolve this by fighting and trust me, she aint no weak person....I told her violence doesn't resolve anything....
Well, When your daughther gets home from school, ask her how her day was and, if the girls were being nice. Maybe you need to talk to her about more often. Set up a conference with her teacher and tell them about what’s going on. If it continues you should talk to the girls personaly. Oh, and make sure that your daughter’s good friend is there to help her too.
Thank you everyone for all your heart felt responses. It is so nice to hear everyone’s opinions and it reconfirms my hang up with moving. I really really appreciate the time you took to help me. Now if we could just pass this compassion that we have for other women on to our children, the world could be a better place…