Why I Love Lightsabers Over Barbie Shoes
Sometimes, you have to be thankful that God gives you what you need, and not always what it is that you think that you want.
Being the youngest of two children, and the only girl, I grew up in the 1980’s surrounded by GI Joe’s, Star Wars figurines, wrestlers, baseballs and footballs. I wasn’t really a ‘tomboy,’ but I wasn’t really a ‘girlie girl’ either. While I had Barbies and was a Cabbage Patch Kid collector (last count was 10 or 11, I think), I always dreamed of being Princess Leia. I bet she would have kicked butt when my brother tried wrestling moves out on her the way he tried them out on me.
As I got older, married and started planning a family, I dreamed of having my own little girl to dress and spoil. I could think of nothing more beautiful than little smocked dresses and hair bows. When I got pregnant with my first child, I prayed to have a girl. Yes, I wanted to have a healthy child, but in my mind health and gender were two separate issues completely. I prayed for a healthy child, but I also really wanted a girl. My June ultrasound brought news that I was most definitely NOT having a girl. I’ll be honest, I cried for four days. I caught all manner of flack for seemingly being ungrateful for carrying a healthy baby. I was very grateful, but I was also very disappointed. In December of 2005, I fell instantly in love with a beautiful blonde haired, blue-eyed little boy named Pierce.
Fast forward two years. I was four months pregnant and nine months removed from a heartbreaking miscarriage. I went in for my routine 16 week ultrasound, and the baby would not cooperate. We ended the session knowing that “baby” was healthy, but refused to share its gender. My wonderful OB-GYN took pity on us, and agreed to bring me back the week before Christmas for an “unofficial” ultrasound so that we would, hopefully, know the gender before the holidays. We spend one week sure that this baby was a girl because it was being stubborn like me. I had orange juice and Coke before we got to the office, hoping to excite this little one into revealing whether it was a “he” or a “she.” The answer was obvious the moment the transducer was placed on my stomach. It was very clear, immediately, that I was NOT having a little girl. Again, I was devastated, but not quite as upset as before. I only cried for two days this time. I worried that I would not be able to equally love another little boy like I loved Pierce, but I was proven wrong when Smith made his appearance in May of 2008. Once again, I fell instantly in love with my beautiful little man.
Now, almost five years later, I am a single mother proudly raising two precious “lady killers.” I’ve been able to buy some smocked clothing, but at four and six, those outfits are slowly becoming a memory. My house is filled with Thomas the Train, Buzz, Woody and the gang. The boys know the names of almost every character from Harry Potter, and can even pronounce them correctly. We’ve watched all six Star Wars movies, and have enough lightsabers around to singlehandedly save the Republic. At least lightsabers are larger than Barbie shoes, so you can typically avoid them in the middle of the night.
Over the last three years when I was at my lowest point, these little men knew instinctively how to lift my spirits. There is something to be said for the “Mama’s Boy” syndrome. In each little boy lies the honesty, utter love and loyalty every woman desires. Nothing lifts my spirit or makes me smile brighter than hearing an unsolicited “Mommy, I like that dress on you” or “Mommy, you look pretty.”
Today, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I would not trade my two boys for a million little girls and their smocked dresses and hair bows. I often wonder if I ever remarry and desire more children, what would I do if I actually did have a girl? Surprisingly, I think I would rather have another boy. At the end of the day, I love my boys to pieces…and prefer lightsabers over Barbie shoes.
Read more of Crissie’s writing, along with nine other talented South Carolina women, at Lexington Medical Center’s Every Woman blog.
