Photo by: CJ Sorg

When Should Kids Get Trophies?

by Gigi of "KludgyMom"
Photo by: CJ Sorg

I’ve been thinking about trophies. Think back to your own childhood, be it 5 years ago or, like mine, 30 or so years ago. For what sorts of activities did you get trophies or awards?

I grew up in the south suburbs of Chicago. I played slow pitch softball for a few years as a kid, and got nothing the first year because the Calumet Park Oranges softball team was really not very good. The second year, we won first or second place and got a trophy that I still have to this day. It was fun, and it was a big deal to us.

Moving on to high school…I played tennis and was extremely over-involved in other artsy-fartsy sorts of activities. I have no trophies or awards from choir, the numerous plays I was in, or any of that stuff. I have junior and varsity letters for tennis. But that’s it.

Point is: we only got trophies if we WON something.

Nowadays, it seems that kids get trophies merely for showing up. Every kid has to get something – or at least the parents feel that every kid has to get something. My son, who is almost 7, has 6 trophies in his room and he has yet to actually win anything. He loves his trophies and they were an obvious boost to his self-confidence. But still, the kid has not been the cream of the crop (yet) at soccer, or baseball, or whatnot. No championships, no first place, nothing!

A few months ago, I ran the elementary school talent show. It sounds like a minor project but 170 kids participated in 70 different acts. (Imagine the parent interactions I got to enjoy for the 30 days prior to this fun event). One of the conversations really stuck with me. I had sent an email out to all the parents letting them know that we were not sure what “award” the participants were going to get due to budgetary constraints. At a minimum, kids would get a cool medal with a ribbon, but we were hopeful to be able to afford trophies. For all 170 kids. I got an email back from a parent, saying that if there wasn’t budget for the trophies, that she would personally kick in $100-$200 so that all the kids could have a trophy instead of a medal.

Apparently, a medal was simply insufficient, and not reflective of the children’s effort and/or talent.

I thought, does it really matter that much whether it’s a ribbon or a trophy? Do children really feel entitled to a trophy for an event like this or would they be happy with whatever they received? Are we setting our kids up with perilously low expectations of what constitutes success? My parents raised me to understand that success was fueled by hard work, but did not necessarily EQUAL hard work. Can a feeling of accomplishment and achievement can be purchased with a trophy?
I’d like to hear your thoughts.While I’m happy my kid has some trophies, I can’t help but wonder if Yoda was right…there is no try. Do.

Gigi is a stay-at-home mom who has been involved in all things internet since 1997. Gigi combines her love of cooking with a snarky take on motherhood at her blog, KludgyMom.

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107 Comments

I was a kid in the 70's! We had to work hard and WIN to get a trophy! I still have every trophy I ever won, bowling trophies, Softball trophies and swimming medals! I earned them for 1st & 2nd places! These were not given out for anything less. I don't like that every kid gets a trophy, that's not what a trophy was meant for. My daughter's soccer team decided not to give out trophies the year they didn't win, instead they gave out "soccer" bears...

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I definitely agree the trophy thing is overused. I have 4 children...ages 14-20 and we did a major cleaning of their rooms this summer. Guess what we threw out??? TONS OF TROPHIES that meant nothing. Those were the trophies for participation on a soccer team, baseball, softball team, etc. My 18 year old son got rid of about 20 trophies...but kept three of them...

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A talent show. It's a talent show. It's just to show kids talents, right? They shouldn't get anything, it's entertaining, and it's a show. Our school runs a talent show every year and the kids who want to participate just prepare their talent and we all enjoy the show. Everyone is happy and they don't expect anything in return, except for clapping, laughing and having a fun time away from the classroom. The school district had a Oral Language Faire, where schools participated and competed...

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I don't even know where to start. As a mom of three boys, I can say one thing for sure. All kids will learn, at some point in their lives, that a participation trophy means nothing. All my boys figured this out when they EARNED their first trophy. Each one of them had a similar reaction..."so why did I get those other trophies?" THAT is the perfect time to explain hard work plus success equals reward. It's an equation that everyone must learn to be "A players" in the real world...

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"Stuff" (e.g. medals, ribbons, etc.) should not be the sole commemoration of participation or achievement. Selection of the material trappings of accomplishment should be carefully considered. What about pictures and videos, celebrations at the ice cream parlor, notices in the church bulletin or local news paper? What about acknowledging -- with great fanfare -- that your child put child's sheer joy and thrill of playing or competing in a sport?

Agreed that trophies for just showing up is absolutely insane. When I was a kid the teams I was on were usually not very good and as a result I have NO trophies from my childhood, and you know what? I was okay with that...I knew our team wasn't the best or even close, so we didn't deserve a trophy...

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My husband creates such a fuss everytime our children are given a trophy for participation! I love that it makes my kids smile and feel like they have done well...but it is our job as parents to prepare our kids for the real world...

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As a parent of two young adults who both had bulging trophy shelves filled with unearned "self esteem" trophies, I agree with the original poster. The participation trophies were soon given away (do people really go to Goodwill and buy used trophies?). They held on to the few that were earned and actually meant something. Even at a young age, kids know that unearned rewards are meaningless...

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My childhood was sometime ago, too. I was on many winning soccer teams, and fought like mad to get there! I have no trophies left in my attic to show for it---NONE---because they never outranked the experience I felt. Not even a bit. On the other hand, my kids have many, many trophies, even for just showing up. I find it absurd!
This is where it showed up most for me: we as parents don't want our kids to feel bad...

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This "trophy thing", has been the baine of my existence for some time. My husband and I both coach and my 6 kids (except for the 3 year old) participate in many activities. I get more push back than you can imagine about trophies...

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My daughter is 4 and has participated in gymnastics, soccer, and basketball. They were all challenging to her. At this age it seems like it is mostly about learning some basic skills, learning to play as a team, and working to do something that is challenging. She and the other kids are learning to practice skills that they can't immediately do. They are learning endurance and how to play in the game even when they are scared or nervous. She has two trophies and 1 medal...

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In my opinion, trophies given out for participation are for parents, not the kids--and the kids know it! My daughter participated in T-ball at age 5 and got a trophy at the end of the season. She never cared about it. In fact, she didn't understand why she got it, because she was so afraid of the ball she hardly played!

She got another trophy when she was 10 for playing on her school's softball team. That one went immediately into the trash by her hand...

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I am pretty sure there is research out that there that suggests the more we focus on the extrinsic rewards, the less we develop our intrinsic sense of motivation.

You do something...and get stuff...life becomes about getting stuff...not feeling good about the works it takes to truly achieve, and learning to deal with the dissapointment of failure...

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Holy Kanoley, I never even heard of trophies for effort. My comfort level is back pats for a good try, ribbons for winning a little contest (relays and talent deals that they get a few weeks prep in). Trophies are for playoffs (sports, talent demonstrations), final games of the season. Self-esteem is so important, but it makes me wonder if these kids trained to get trophies for little effort will expect them in college and at the work place and simply not try as hard if they don't get them...

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Ya know...now that you bring this up...I was wondering why my just-turned-3 year old daughter received a trophy for an, albeit expensive, dance recital that she absolutely refused to participate in. I had no idea they were getting trophies, much less that they deserved them for that activity...

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