Photo by: CJ Sorg

When Should Kids Get Trophies?

by Gigi of "KludgyMom"
Photo by: CJ Sorg

I’ve been thinking about trophies. Think back to your own childhood, be it 5 years ago or, like mine, 30 or so years ago. For what sorts of activities did you get trophies or awards?

I grew up in the south suburbs of Chicago. I played slow pitch softball for a few years as a kid, and got nothing the first year because the Calumet Park Oranges softball team was really not very good. The second year, we won first or second place and got a trophy that I still have to this day. It was fun, and it was a big deal to us.

Moving on to high school…I played tennis and was extremely over-involved in other artsy-fartsy sorts of activities. I have no trophies or awards from choir, the numerous plays I was in, or any of that stuff. I have junior and varsity letters for tennis. But that’s it.

Point is: we only got trophies if we WON something.

Nowadays, it seems that kids get trophies merely for showing up. Every kid has to get something – or at least the parents feel that every kid has to get something. My son, who is almost 7, has 6 trophies in his room and he has yet to actually win anything. He loves his trophies and they were an obvious boost to his self-confidence. But still, the kid has not been the cream of the crop (yet) at soccer, or baseball, or whatnot. No championships, no first place, nothing!

A few months ago, I ran the elementary school talent show. It sounds like a minor project but 170 kids participated in 70 different acts. (Imagine the parent interactions I got to enjoy for the 30 days prior to this fun event). One of the conversations really stuck with me. I had sent an email out to all the parents letting them know that we were not sure what “award” the participants were going to get due to budgetary constraints. At a minimum, kids would get a cool medal with a ribbon, but we were hopeful to be able to afford trophies. For all 170 kids. I got an email back from a parent, saying that if there wasn’t budget for the trophies, that she would personally kick in $100-$200 so that all the kids could have a trophy instead of a medal.

Apparently, a medal was simply insufficient, and not reflective of the children’s effort and/or talent.

I thought, does it really matter that much whether it’s a ribbon or a trophy? Do children really feel entitled to a trophy for an event like this or would they be happy with whatever they received? Are we setting our kids up with perilously low expectations of what constitutes success? My parents raised me to understand that success was fueled by hard work, but did not necessarily EQUAL hard work. Can a feeling of accomplishment and achievement can be purchased with a trophy?
I’d like to hear your thoughts.While I’m happy my kid has some trophies, I can’t help but wonder if Yoda was right…there is no try. Do.

Gigi is a stay-at-home mom who has been involved in all things internet since 1997. Gigi combines her love of cooking with a snarky take on motherhood at her blog, KludgyMom.

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107 Comments

I agree. I think parents are way too caught up in keeping all kids happy and fair. This is all fine and dandy now, but what about years down the road when that kid is an adult who has been raised thinking this way. I think more parents need to think about the future and not just about today.

To give out trophies for mediocrity only teaches kids that mediocrity is acceptable. It is very irritating to hear rewards and trophies being given out for EVERYTHING. What ever happened to the thrill of a real victory? If kids get rewarded for every little thing, then there is no sense in striving for excellence in anything, improving in anything, because being average will suffice...

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We get trophies in Soccer, at the end of the season.One got a medal on a ribbon that can be worn, like an Olympian. They also get trophies if they win at BMX. Yes, they get a lot but they are really BIG trophies and are a great big deal.

I think certificates for achievements in school are much better because they can be put in a photo album and preserved much better than a trophy that can get knocked over and broken.

I didn't read everyone's comments, but I agree that things can get out of hand. Now, my kids are very young and my son did just get his first trophy at 4 years old for T-Ball, all the kids got one at the end of the season. He doesn't have any idea what it means, he just knows he got something for participating..a medal or a certificate would've been fine for him...

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I completely agree! I like the comment about all the trophy's not being very "green". In addition to the frustration of clutter than they add to our house (my 8 year old already has 6 trophies), they make the "awards ceremony" at the end of every sports season way too long. A five year old doesn't need to sit still in order to hear every single person announced. Or at the other extreme, sometimes they just hand them out directly to the parents and there is no "ceremony"...

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Growing up, we would get tropies only if we actually won a competition or won the finals. Not for simply showing up and participating. When you hand out a trophy to every kid for no reason, what is the purpose of having that trophy. Ya I was upset when we lost and didn't get an award, but I got over it. And I think it made me a better person who would try better the next time around. I think kids today are too sheltered by some of these organizations and parents...

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I don't think that kids need medals nor certificates nor anyhing else for a talent show - the payoff should be expressing their talent for others. If they participate in something out-of-the-ordinary, then maybe that is more appropriate. However, the getting-a-trophy thing for just showing up is ludicrous. It does not let children EARN self-esteem; it manufactures self-esteem, and those are not anywhere near the same thing.

When my son first started playing sports, he got a trophy at the end of every season. It was only the season his team one 1st place that our soccer league changed from trophies for all over the U-6 (the U-6 players still get a small trophy) to medals for all who didn't make 1st or 2nd place which I was fine with because I was running out of room to display the trophies my son had earned or received. He had even one a 3rd place trophy for his Pinewood Derby car...

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I can see many perspectives. As a child I don't really recall ever achieving a TROPHY. My mom collected all of my CERTIFICATES in a nice photo album. I won gold medals and blue ribbons for track performance in high school. But until my sales district achieved #1 performance as a DISTRICT PHARMACEUTICAL MANAGER of a $13 BILLION CORPORATION...did I ever experience the thrill of a physical TROPHY AWARD. That was a true historic capstone accomplished in my early thirties...

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Getting trophies for everything detracts from the project itself. I personally don't like trophies, and found that they were just dust collectors. They can be a good way to recognize winners in larger competitions, but for events where everyone puts in a good effort and the organizers want to provide something to the participants, memorial t-shirts, cups, or just group photos are much more appropriate.

I teach college courses, and to liven up the experience I try to include occasional games that use the material we are learning. Some students actually ask, "what do we get if we win?"

I agree 100%!!! I never comment on these posts, but I agree so completely with this that I had too. We have run out of room for trophies in my 11 year olds room. She plays competitive ball where they are only awarded for 1st and 2nd place, so a lot of them have been earned and we treasure those. But she still plays at a non-competitive level and gets one every season...

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I just had this discussion with a friend of mine, actually. We agreed that trophies are handed out FAR too liberally. I think it's obsurd to "reward" a child, or an adult for that matter, for doing nothing. I think it's silly to not score a game in order to save self esteem. If everyone's a "winner" and we give gold stars for everything, how are we to expect our kids to learn to WORK for anything? Where is the motivation? The world IS competitive, and in life, the reward comes with a win...

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Wow, my son was involved in a long-standing elementary school talent show, and ribbons or awards have NEVER even been discussed or considered. It just isn't a part of it. There is a program with their name in it...

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I think trophies are nice awards for the winners. Winners not only of sports events but also of academic events; i.e., history bowls, math bowls, etc. If the child is younger, a ribbon for participating would be nice. However, trophies (in my opinion) should be awarded to the winners (team) or individuals of either sport events and/or academic events.

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