Unconditional Love

My husband? A big Warren Buffett fan.

I read this quote today from him and I really enjoyed it:

The power of unconditional love. I mean, there is no power on earth like unconditional love. And I think that if you offered that to your child, I mean, you’re 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don’t feel like it — it’s not uncritical love; that’s a different animal — but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it’s going to make for a better human being.

Unconditional love. At the end of the day, isn’t that what it should be about for all of us parents? No matter how many times Rachel has screamed at one of her sisters, Meagan has refused to pick up her room, or Morgan has stomped away after a temper tantrum, I love these three little girls so much! Whether they are feeling mad, cranky, sad, or otherwise irritable… I still love them.

It’s my main goal as their Mama to know what’s making them feel uncomfortable and resolve the issues that lead to acting out. I call it being in tune with the girls. I don’t always prevent every argument or tantrum, but I almost always know when someone is sleepy, hungry or bored. Those seem to be the three main reasons for bad behavior in children. I use italics because really they aren’t trying to be bad, young kids aren’t wired for solving their problems internally. It’s my job to talk to them about their emotions and how to vocalize their needs, and also to assure them I love them even if they do handle a situation inappropriately.

I still recall about a year or so ago, we were leaving a play date and Rachel was very upset. She was sad to be leaving her best pal, mad at me for telling her it was time to get in the car, tired from a long day at school and hungry for dinner. I knew it wasn’t going to be a fun time, and I was spot on! Rachel stood on the sidewalk and she screamed, “You little s—t!” at the top of her lungs. At the time? I was mortified. I wanted to climb in a hole and die. I wanted to grab my little 5 year old, and scream right back that she was not allowed to speak to me in that manner. But I didn’t.

Instead, I picked her up and put her in the car seat. I told her we were not allowed to speak so rudely, and I got in the car and drove away. On the way home, I gathered my wits and my calm. I knew that no one had ever called Rachel (or her sisters) something that foul at our home. I knew that my husband doesn’t talk to me in that manner. I knew that on occasion I do say s—t, but certainly not in anger at anyone. The words that Rachel chose to say didn’t make sense to me.

When we got home, I didn’t punish her. I had no clue why she chose to say that particular phrase, and I wanted to get to the bottom of the story. We went in her room to talk and after a bit, she admitted that some of the older kids at her school said that on the playground. Rachel told me she was angry at me for making us leave. I explained even when she was angry, it was not okay to scream hurtful words. I explained that my feelings were hurt, and the words she chose were not appropriate for her use. I gave her some words that were okay to say, and a few ideas for expressing her anger without being hurtful to other people.

We went to eat dinner with the rest of the family, we did bath time, books, hugs and kisses and then Rachel had a long restful night of sleep. In the morning? She was alert, happy and told me that she’d made a very bad choice to yell at me the day before. She genuinely apologized on her own, without my screaming at her or punishing her. Throughout the whole ordeal, I showed love to her instead of my anger, embarrassment or disappointment. To me, that is unconditional love and that’s what I strive to give my children everyday.

Anna is a 30-something year old Mama to three girls. She writes about her daytime job renovating homes and her full-time job raising happy, healthy children. Lawrence Girls is a hodge-podge of DIY crafts, photos and snippets of life.