Talking About Haiti with Your Children

Isabella and Nate were flipping through channels on the TV last week. Isabella paused for a moment on the news. Something caught her eye. “Oh,” she said. “It’s just about an earthquake.” She went to reach for the remote to change the channel again.

I stopped her.

“Actually you guys,” I said, “it’s not just an earthquake. It’s a very sad and terrible thing that has happened.”

There is definitely balance needed when talking to kids about devastation, disasters, violence, hurt, heartache, death. Especially with young children. Things that happen outside their own sphere of experience, particularly events in another country far away, are abstract and difficult to get little minds around, regardless of whether it’s good or bad. It’s hard for adults to get our minds around.

And yet, I don’t want to raise my children completely sheltered from the “bad” of the world despite the part of me that wants my children to believe the world is all about Popsicles, swings, and playgroups. It seems easier to let them believe that the only death in the world is the death of a pet fish and that “starving” is what we say when it’s way past when we should have had dinner. Exposing them to the ugly side of life is a lot harder. But I want my kids to be compassionate toward others. I want them to learn that the world isn’t all about them. That there are many hurting people in this world and we can play a role in healing some of those wounds. I don’t want a child who sees the coverage of the earthquake in Haiti and it’s victims to be so used to me changing the channel, just so they won’t be upset by what they see, that they don’t know to feel sorrow for the suffering of other people. Or worse, a child who doesn’t even realize that there are other people in the world suffering while we sit in our warm house playing our Wii and eating chocolate brownies.

And so I told my children about the earthquake. I told them about how poor the country was and how little the people there had in concrete ways they could understand. I told them that the children there didn’t have rooms full of toys and that many people there didn’t even have televisions. I told them that many homes didn’t have sinks and toilets with running water. They already had very little. And then the earthquake came and destroyed almost all of the buildings in the city. The very little they had got lost. Their homes fell. Their work places fell. Many many many people died. And the people there are very very sad and scared.

My kids grew silent processing what this all meant. Then they asked questions, and I let them. I helped them process the information they were hearing to the best of their developmental ability. But I also included hope for them. We talked about how people from all over the world were coming to help them. I told them people from our country were sending food and supplies. I told them our church and many other churches were praying for them and that they could, too.

Just as important, I reassured my children that this happened in a country far away. The earthquake was not in our city. We are safe. Our buildings are stronger. We have more resources. We are fortunate that our situation is very different from the people in Haiti.

All this having been said, we don’t keep the television on with the Haiti images constantly rolling in front of our children. They don’t need to see hours of disturbing pictures to learn the qualities I desire for them. We limit how much news we watch about it on TV because they are already getting it everywhere anyway. There’s news teasers during the shows they watch. The d.j.‘s on the radio discuss it. The kids are talking about it at school. I’m not worried that they are clueless to what’s going on.

And now my role is to be available to them as I allow them to learn and experience this side of life. My kids have said they felt sad about Haiti. I need to be OK that they are sad. They have felt concerned, wondering if people are still helping them or was it just for one day? I’m thankful they’re concerned and that they can be reassured that help is still coming, learning that a situation like this can’t be “all better” in one day. Isabella has felt helpless. I’ve been able to talk to her about ways even she can help by giving some of her money, praying, even loving her own friends and family during this time. My kids are learning something valuable and I am here to teach and guide them through this learning process.

Events like the tragedy in Haiti are awful. But because I chose not to shelter my children from it, my kids are able to develop compassion for those less fortunate than they. They are able to develop empathy toward others who are outside of their world experience. They begin to understand that while the world is a bigger place than they realized, they can still have an impact on it. And they will ultimately be better individuals for it.

CBS News offered a great article that includes a video on some tips for talking to your kids about tragic events such as the one in Haiti if you would like more information on this topic.

Tara Wood, M.A. is one of Colorado’s most respected parenting coaches and educators supporting parents beginning in pregnancy and continuing through the parenting of teens. She is Cofounder and Executive Director of Xylem Family Resource, a nonprofit organization supporting and educating families in the Denver area. Tara has three children ages 7, 5, and 7 months.