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Say NO to Baby Pumpkin Butts

by Gina of "Extreme Mom"
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Call me a prude and a party pooper (pun totally intended) but I don’t find the new trend of festively painting babies bottoms for holidays even a teeny bit cute.

My moral compass registers NO pretty much immediately.

Don’t get me wrong, baby bottoms are adorable. In fact, I’m admittedly guilty of taking the token naked-baby-on-the-changing-table (belly side down) of each of my newborns when they came home from the hospital.

I also have no problem with tots darting around the beach or kiddy pool in the buff. Any seasoned parent knows bathing suit malfunctions are not uncommon and tots love a good strip tease. They’re practicing autonomy- doing it all by themselves! Mastering the skill of dressing.

It happens. Kids are streakers from way back. In a family centered environment it’s not that big of a deal.

I suppose my comfort-meter alarms over-the-top at the mere thought of anyone restraining (they absolutely are holding them against their will) a baby so they can festively decorate their privates with paint.

It’s not cute. Babies are not chalk boards or blank canvas for gods sake.

We just don’t paint our offspring for our own selfish entertainment.

Again. It’s not cute.

Worse yet is posting these humiliating photos on the Internet for everyone and their brother to copy, paste and pin to Pinterest where the copy-paste-post cycle will repeat for all of eternity.

Soon enough, pumpkin butt will grow into a child with emotions who’s capable of independent thought and more than likely resent the hell out of the artist.

Way to go mom.

Don’t insult my intelligence by comparing hand and foot prints. It’s not even remotely close to butt prints. We’re comparing apples and oranges in which case, this one happens to be a pumpkin.

My four kids (ages 13 – 20) remain horrified to this day when they view the changing table photos. And, I do mean HORRIFIED. I can’t begin to imagine how they’d feel had I painted pumpkins or Easter eggs on their butts and posted them on the Internet.

I know I’m going to get a lot of hate mail on this one.

C’est la vie.

I’m advocating for the babies and I’m not budging.

It also invites us to open an entirely NEW conversation that goes something like this- when explaining GOOD TOUCHBAD TOUCH to your four year old… where does mommy doodling on baby sisters bottom or making canvas butt prints fall on the spectrum of what’s acceptable?

How confusing.

Where do we draw the line?

Gina is an obstetrical RN, blogger, wife and matriarch extraordinaire to four challenging young adults. She writes the over-the-top humor blog Extreme Mom for sanity preservation and entertainment. She lives in Upstate N.Y. with her family, two dogs and ThatGoddamnedCat. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

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