Need momME Time? Here's How to Get It!

If you’re a mom, chances are you don’t get much time for yourself. Eirene Heidelberger is here to explain why moms should make themselves a priority, with some tips on how to make it happen. Eirene is the founder and CEO of GITMom, a full-service parent coaching and advice company.
Everyone talks about needing “ME” time, but moms aren’t always convinced they really deserve it. Moms often feel guilty for taking time away from their little ones and for missing the new milestones that sometimes happen in their absence. Some moms have even accepted this idea that parenting has to be a 24×7 job and that momME time is something you give up when you decide to have children.

Um, real talk: No! It is not supposed to be this way. On top of working through this self-defeating mom-thinking, moms who DO want to set aside me time can’t even begin to fathom how, when and where to do it. You know how this story ends – moms just never take that much-deserved time for themselves.

As moms, we cater to our kids’ endless needs and requests. Add to that the never-ending household to-do list, and moms end up putting themselves on the back burner to take care of everyone (and everything!) else. But you know what? We’re not trying to fly to the moon to get away from our families – the momME time we crave is usually as simple as getting a manicure or reading a book! So with my tips below and some ninja-level-maneuvering, we can make that momME time happen.

THE FACTS ABOUT MOMMYING:

A recent study showed that stay-at-home moms work 97 hours a week – which would be the equivalent of a take-home salary of $115,000 per year! And for you moms bringing home the bacon, I don’t have to tell you the worth of what you do for your family! Aren’t these just more reasons you deserve a break today and every day?

Another study showed that nearly half of America’s 82 million moms are unhappy and a quarter are clinically depressed. Why? Because they’ve turned themselves into “Mommy ‪24/7,” and somewhere along the way they lost their identity and their joy. When mothers spend too much time with their children, they are more stressed, sleep-deprived, guilty and anxious, which – you guessed it – trickles down to the kids.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, it is time to make a change and Get It Together! Remember, your child has two parents and needs to spend alone time with each of you to bond. And don’t forget about your extended family and friends… they love and cherish your child, too, and they offer a wonderful way for your child to have experiences outside of your nuclear family. Just speak up and allow them to do it.

The reality is, if a mom is rested and feels happy because she’s taking care of herself, the family will flow and the home will be zen.

HERE IS HOW TO GET THAT momME TIME:

1. You need to recognize something in your life isn’t working and decide that you want to make a change.

2. You need to vocalize this commitment to your partner and friends so that you’re more accountable to make the change. Think of it as having your own personal cheerleading team.

GIT TIP: On Sunday nights my husband, Brian, and I will talk about what we each have going on in the upcoming week. We also review the kids’ schedules together, so that we can figure out gaps in coverage and opportunities for each of us to do our own thing. We also email each other during the work week when we want/NEED to get a break to make sure the other one is available to be home with the kids. The key is to communicate with your support team often and clearly!

3. Grab your calendar/planner/family whiteboard and pencil in your alone time. Then shout from the rooftops that this is going to happen. Look family, Mommy is outta here!

4. Be aware that the universe will try to ruin your plans…You might receive a last-minute invite or a plea to volunteer during your “mom vacation.” You must say “No” to these requests during your scheduled me time because you love yourself and choose to take care of you first. You aren’t the worst mom in the world if you miss a school activity, but you will be a cranky mom if you don’t prioritize yourself – and then everyone loses. Even if you’re just getting a manicure and you think that maybe you should cancel it… NO! It’s small moments like these in a mom’s life that let her recharge and remember that she is still a woman with her own wants and needs. Give yourself permission and stick to your guns.

5. Here’s the huge challenge! You have to stick to the relaxation blueprint. You cannot sneak in a household project during momME time. Ask yourself, “Will I be happier if I take 30 minutes from my hectic life OR if I wash the floors?” Mom! The floors can wait! Compartmentalize the floors! The reality is we will all live another day if the floors don’t get washed today.

GIT TIP: It will help to compartmentalize your dirty a$$ floors if you write down when you will wash them in your calendar. Until then let it go, let it go…

INEXPENSIVE IDEAS FOR momME TIME:

1. The easiest way to carve out me time is to get out of bed an hour before your children wake up. I do this every day – on the weekends, too. Even if you’re not a morning person and want to cry when your alarm goes off, just do it and stop complaining that you’re never alone. This is the cheapest and simplest way to be alone.

2. Ask your partner to take over certain household duties. Let me tell you something – he is not your knight in shining armor or a mind reader, so you have to speak up and ask for help. He may need your guidance at first, but the sooner you teach him how to help you, the more he will magically accomplish things without your nudging.

3. Outsource your errands – I guarantee your neighbor goes to the same dry cleaner as you, so make a trade with her. Ask her to pick up your dry cleaning when she goes, and next time, you repeat the favor.

4. Take turns with friends to host playdates and get ALL of your kids out of the house all at once. Lock the doors. Hibernate! And you’d better not be washing your floors. That’s an immediate mom demerit!

5. Hire a mother’s helper. I just did this last week! For a third of the price of a regular babysitter, hire a teenager to help do tasks around the home that will free up your time to do the things you would rather do.

6. Start saying “No” to lame and uninteresting invites that don’t suit or benefit your family. Instead say “Yes” to taking an hour away from your gang alone.

The takeaway here is that when we ask for help, it creates more time, reduces stress and you become a happier, calmer mommy. MomME time is crucial – because when you step away from the monotony of raising your kids, you return to your parenting role refreshed and equipped to manage the countless needs of your wonderful (and sometimes whiny) children!



Eirene Heidelberger is a Chicago-based parent coach and a mom to three boys. Her business, GIT Mom, is dedicated to helping parents Get It Together so they have more time for the activities they most enjoy. When Moms have the right tools to create family balance, they have the freedom to create happy mommy time for themselves. Happy confident moms raise happy confident kids! Follow her at GITMom.com and on Facebook