Photo by: NCA

My Biggest Parenting Mistake

Photo by: NCA

Okay, I am ready for it. Judge away. Sit back, put your feet up and “tsk tsk” me, for I, Quinn Cavalli am a hypocrite. It is surely not the first time in my parenting life that I am guilty of hypocrisy but it is, by far, the widest reaching example I have to date.

As a parent I have strong beliefs. I believe in doing the right thing, telling the truth and leading by example. I admit when I am wrong, and try not to take the easy way out. Of course, this all sounds great until something doesn’t quite go my way. Then, it’s every family for itself!

My 5 year old son just started kindergarten. He is a healthy kid, always gone to the doctor, always had his check ups… clean teeth? Yes, height and weight appropriate? You bet! Up on his Hep B vaccinations? Apparently not.

Now let me back up a minute and try to deflect some of the blame. Our old pediatrician was a sweet man. He had been practicing for at least 40 years and knew all the tricks in the book. He gave us his home number and I swear would have made a house call if I had asked. He could talk like Donald Duck, was great with the kids, and always made me feel like a confident mother. Who was I to question the immunization schedule? If he said some shots weren’t needed until high school, I would wait. If he wasn’t a fan of the chicken pox vaccine, then why should I argue? I left it all up to my doctor. I figured, he was the one with the degree, I was just a nervous mom happy to not stick my kids with needles every doctor’s appointment.

Fast forward 4 years when we find he is not keeping regular hours as much anymore. We think he is retiring, he is splitting with his long time practice partner due to his impending status as retired doctor and about to start traveling the country in an RV. Sounds normal to me, until I hear that he has actually been admitted to an institution.

Yes, that is right, my pediatrician went crazy. He heard voices, and was inventing things in his head. His reality became increasingly distant from what was fact and my son’s immunizations were lost in the haze of a breakdown.

Unbeknownst to me, he was not even close to being up to date on his shots. Now I am blessed with, what I think, are healthy kids. They are rarely sick and can easily go a year between doctor visits. So when we switched doctors and made the appointment for the pre-kindergarten check up, it didn’t even cross my mind that there would be a problem. I should have known something was wrong when we couldn’t get the records sent over in a timely manner. I also should have known when the new doctor let out a big sigh and said, “Wow! He is going to need A LOT of shots”. But no, it still didn’t dawn on me that we really missed anything, I just thought the routine 5 year old immunization schedule called for a lot of shots.

4 vaccines and 1 TB test later, we were off to hand in the completed medical forms to school. I confidently walked in the school office, I had all the necessary papers, checks and records and, I admit, a pretty smug look on my face. I felt like the responsible, multi tasking mother of 2 that I had always wanted to be. I was handing the paperwork to the lovely office ladies and flashing a quick smile as I turned to leave when I heard the dreaded words, “Um, can you come here a second Mrs. Silberman, you seem to be missing some shots.”

I glance over and see the look of terror cross my son’s face. What could she possibly mean? If he gets stuck with a needle one more time he will leak! Like in a cartoon leak, with water shooting out of the holes in his arms!

“He doesn’t have his Hep B series.” “Are you sure? We were just there…” “They need to give them 3 months apart…they couldn’t have caught him up in time,” “Um, okay, so now what?” “Well, You are going to have to sign this waiver stating that you don’t vaccinate for religious reasons… if you want your child to start school with everybody else.”

Should I have hesitated? Maybe. Should I have thought more about it? Probably. Did I grab the pen as fast as I could and praise my new Scientologist God that I could get my kid into kindergarten in time? Yes, unabashedly. My ½ Jewish ½ Catholic boys are now a smidgen Christian Scientist, until I get them caught up on their shots that is. In 6 months they will be like all the other germy kids on the playground. But for now, they are unprotected against Hep B, they have an irresponsible mother, a once crazy doctor (who I truly wish good health) and a tough lesson learned about questioning their elders… What I didn’t know until 37, I hope they remember now, I have a feeling 2 more shots in each arm will keep that lesson close at hand.

On my part, all it would have taken was a little faith, insight and confidence for this to have been avoided. Had I known to research my children’s State guide lined immunizations before I walked in the doctor’s door, I would have been armed with the information I needed to make conscientious decisions from day one. So judge on my friends, whisper behind my back. Hind sight is 20/20 and I will never make the immunization mistake again but trust me, with all the trans fat and non-organic milk out there, history is bound to repeat itself.

Copyrighted 2009- Quinn Cavalli

Quinn cavalli is the mother of 2 boys who are 6 and 7. She runs away from home daily but always comes back and is saving up for surf camp.

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2 Comments

I wouldn't stress on it too much. Kids don't really need a Hep B vaccination. People at high risk for Hep B are intravenous drug users and those with multiple sex partners. (The disease is transmitted through blood.) The government recommends WAY too many vaccines for young children.

Please do not beat yourself up. I am very sorry you lost your favorite Pediatrician to "Old-timers" disease (or whatever it was) but I myself am a german-polish-jew who was raised catholic married a protestant and is currently going to a non-denominational christian church...and we choose not to vaccinate. At least for now...

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