Photo by: Dabdiputs

Mothers: We’re ALL Doing the Best that We Can

Photo by: Dabdiputs

For the first 18 months of my son’s life I was a working mom. At first it was because I choose to. Then, as I realized my job was no longer fulfilling, it was a financial necessity. Finally working became a means to an end. The end being changing my role from working mom to a stay-at-home mom. I’ve been both a working mom and a stay at home mom. Some day I’ll even move into the working at home role.

What I’m trying to say is that no matter what our roles are, we are all doing the best that we can.

If we work outside of the home because we want to, because we love our jobs, because we need them to feel fulfilled or because we don’t want to fall behind on the corporate ladder, there’s nothing wrong with that. If we need to work to provide financial stability for our families, there’s nothing wrong with that. By working we are doing the best that we can. We are providing for our families to the best of our abilities. And we are providing for ourselves.

As working moms one of the toughest decisions is finding loving care for our kids while we are away. In all honesty, these caregivers see the kids for more hours during the work day than the parents do. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just the way that it is. But by providing loving, quality care for our kids while we are away, we are doing the best that we can. By picking a new day care or sitter because something just doesn’t feel right, we are doing the best that we can. By befriending the day care staff, asking questions and working together to solve concerns, we are doing the best that we can. We are active and involved in our kids lives even when we can’t be there 100% of the time.

If we are a stay at home mom, because we want to, we’ve always dreamed of it, or even if we were forced into it {job layoffs, whatever} we are personally providing the day in and day out care for our kids. We are giving up pieces of ourselves, losing ourselves in our kids lives and needs. We sacrifice careers and advancement. We limit financial gain. We live to wipe noses, make meals and just try to hold it together as the third {fourth, fifth, or sixth} tantrum of the day spirals out of control. We paint and clean. We play games and read. We lose our patience. We grow weary. We sometimes wish we could escape to work. There’s nothing wrong with that.

As a stay at home mom we stress that we aren’t doing enough. We worry that the kids aren’t being socialized. We fear that they are missing out on something day care can provide. But by drying their tears after a fall and picking up toys scattered throughout the house, we are doing the best that we can. By going to groups, play dates, story times, art classes and yes even to Target, we are doing the best that we can. By picking healthy meals and snacks, and bribing with chocolate and fruit snacks, we are doing the best that we can. By choosing educational TV shows and giving in to The Backyardagains just to get some peace and quiet, we are doing the best that we can. By being there when they first wake up in the morning, go down for naps, and wake up crabby, we are doing the best that we can. By knowing just how to soothe them when they are at their worst, and when to ignore so they learn to get over disappointments, we are doing the best that we can.

Mothers, we are all doing the best that we can. And that is enough.

I get so tired of grandparents, friends, family, other parents even, judging our decisions. Looking down on us because our choice is not the same as theirs. Or the same as their daughter. Or the same as the neighbor. I get tired of mothers judging each other, because the other side just doesn’t understand. You know what? I do understand. I’ve been there. Neither side is easier, it’s just different. Both are impossibly hard.

It’s been said before, being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Can’t we just give each other a little slack? Can’t we just accept that we all make different decisions when raising our kids? Can’t we just agree that just because one mother stays home with her kids, that doesn’t make her a better mother? Can’t we agree that working mothers are not any better, just because they contribute financially?

Mothers, we’re all doing the best that we can. Day care or no care, the kids are okay. They are great. And so are you for caring enough to give your kids the best care possible.

Pardon me while I step down from my soap box. I just needed to get that off my chest.

And you know what? This applies to dads too.

Allison is a slightly OCD momma (yes, M&Ms must be eaten in pairs of matching colors) who blogs over at Alli n Son. She’s the momma of a spunky, energetic, and frustrating three year old boy. You can often find her up to the knees in potty training, bubbles and all things balls. She’s also a wanna-be photographer, gourmet chef, a highly creative woman and one-time graphic designer, all rolled into one.

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