Photo by: Woodley WonderWorks

Motherhood: My Other Resume

Photo by: Woodley WonderWorks

I’ve jumped back into the freelance writing life in an effort to make a bit of money while I stay home with Stella Bella. This, of course, necessitated the updating of my resume.

It got me thinking. Some of my most impressive achievements and abilities will never grace the pages of this supposedly all-important document. And it seems like a shame. I am referring, of course, to motherhood–all that it requires. And with that, I present my other resume…


Mother, 8/17/08–present (lifetime commitment)

  • Collaborate with Stella, Eleanor’s father (my husband), to ensure that she grows and thrives; oversee everything from basic maintenance, such as diaper changes and feeding, to high-level development including babbling, drooling, sitting up, laughing, and rolling/tummy time, with plans to teach her how to be kind, walk, use the toilet and drive
  • Provide attention, protection, guidance and full range of entertainment services including peek-a-boo, tickling, general zaniness and impromptu songs, stories and farting noises
  • Willingly put my daughter’s needs before my own while still taking care of self and providing excellent example of how to live life to the fullest
  • Manage public relations; handle photography and mailing of seasonal cards and wellness updates; manage upkeep of Flickr account with near-daily shots of Stella to prevent extended family from suffering cuteness withdrawal
  • Love that girl with all my heart, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year–even when her yelling reaches peak annoy-ability levels

Giver of Life, 8/15/08–8/17/08

  • Gave birth to baby girl weighing 7 pounds and 7 ounces; filled with pure joy upon her arrival
  • Kicked ass throughout 32-hour un-medicated labor during which baby’s head was transverse (sideways)
  • Nearly broke husband’s hands with vice-like grip; will try harder next time

Grower of Human Being, 11/08–8/09

  • Provided egg for successful fertilization; worried endlessly about fetus from moment of conception
  • Attended prenatal yoga, birthing and parenting classes despite overwhelming exhaustion and overwhelmed bladder
  • Ate enough cheese to feed all of Wisconsin for three years; consumed record amounts of grapefruit juice
  • Tolerated the shooting of sharp pains up my rear-end for several months; withstood debilitating hip pain and baby’s roundhouse kicks
  • Enjoyed pregnancy despite all of the above

Warrior, 10/08–02/09

  • Assembled and coordinated a top-tier team of Seattle doctors, as well as two lactation consultants, an occupational therapist, nutritionist, dietitian and cranial osteopath
  • Managed to maintain sanity when baby refused to eat; chugged olive oil and ate bacon in a valiant attempt to fatten starving, anxiety-ridden self and improve quality and caloric value of breast milk
  • Mastered use of Supplemental Nursing System while successfully limiting use of the “f-word” to 400 times per day; managed insertion and maintenance of god-forsaken nasogastric feeding tube and associated god-damned pump and evil face tape and crap-tastic peripherals; sacrificed small but previously perky boobs to hospital grade breast pump
  • Navigated labyrinth of hospital and health care challenges; slashed red tape and improved child’s outcome by 1000%; successfully argued case for the removal of nasogastric tube and executed successful tube weaning; produced a happier child and family as a result of round-the-clock efforts
  • Analyzed growth charts, lab results and intake levels; conducted in-depth, terrifying online research on daughter’s condition and treatment


The Parental Institution of Barbara and Gregory Hescock

  • Coursework in everything, with an emphasis on love, the value hard work, and a good sense of humor
    School of Hard Knocks
  • Classes included Terrible Mistakes, Bad Relationships 101, and The Awkwardness of Middle School

Sink or Swim Academy

  • Curriculum revolved around parenting without anything resembling adequate preparation


General: Expert-level nurturing, crisis and conflict management, hazardous waste handling and sanitation, budgeting, soothing, teaching life skills and morals, child safety, nursery decorating, baby-wearing, silly face and nonsensical sounds mastery

Technical: Milk production, human creation, swaddling, rocking, one-handed diapering (experience with both formula and breast milk poop platforms), bottle maintenance, reflux abatement


  • Contributed a new member to the human race
  • Responsible raising of a kind, compassionate, contributing citizen
  • Adept removal of screeching baby from public places, ensuring a peaceful community
  • Addition to the world of a love that grows by leaps and bounds each and every day

Amber Johnson is a freelance writer, new mom, chronic worrier, and mac-and-cheese addict. Not necessarily in that order. She is working on a book about her experiences during her first year of motherhood, focused on her trials with breastfeeding, bottle feeding and even nasogastric tube feeding—and why, despite all the hoopla about how we should or should not feed our babies, we all should stop worrying so much. Really. Now all she needs is a publisher, and a glass of wine. Is that so much to ask?

Like This Article

Like Mamapedia

Learn From Moms Like You

Get answers, tips, deals, and amazing advice from other Moms.


It is astounding what we accomplish in our other day (and night!) job, isn't it? And what I find even more amusing is how much I use the management skills I learned parenting my two head strong children in the office. Thank god my teammates aren't picking up tips from my children!

May you have continued success in both of your careers :)

Amber, great post! I especially like the Community Service section. With all your hard work, I've no doubt Stella is growing up to be a lovely and amazing person!

LOVE it :) especially "both formula and breast milk poop platforms" you make me laugh and I love it.

Well put Amber.....this is why God made us the Moms!!!

This is great. Parents-to-be should read this for a crash course in what to expect out of parenthood. ;-)

Motherhood, It is the best and most important job in the world and yet gets no credit. For all those stay at home moms out there, congratulations!

i love the job description and wished we could present this to future employers! :) God bless us all!

This is GENIUS!!! I have printed this out & it is going on my fridge! The next time someone says being a stay-at-home mom is easy, I will show them THIS!!! THANK YOU!!!

I’m a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.
I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn’t), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I’m working for my Masters (the whole family), and already have two credits, (all sons). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 more like it)...

See entire comment

I love it. We are Domestic Engineers this is the new title for us who have stay home with our children, makes us sound really important don't you think.

Hilarious! I think we should all write a motherhood resume at some point. It's a good reminder of all we're learning and contributing!

Good post; was just thinking yesterday how "work" and "family" are so compartmentalized in our lives; your humorous points notwithstanding, parenting skills are trivialized and held inconsequential to a person's job performance abilities. In fact, that experience can be a liability when looking for employment.
But they DO cross over.
Maybe my next resume is going to include some of my parenting stuff . . .

In a few years I will sit in an interview and explain the gap in my employment history. After seven years of crying, praying, and trying for pregnancy, our Faith in God and doctors gave us a precious child. I sacrificed my career and much needed salary to raise our newborn. Since becoming a mother, I’ve been promoted to housekeeper, nurse, teacher, and entertainer, making me more valuable than ever to any employer...

See entire comment

Amen Sister.

Finally! Thank you...

Leave a Comment

Required (will not be published)
Required (to prove you're human)
Comments are moderated and generally will be posted if they are on topic and not abusive
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us
Want to become a contributor?
Want to become a contributor?

If you'd like to contribute to the Wisdom of Moms on Mamapedia, please sign up here to learn more: Sign Up

Recent Voices Posts

See all