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Like Seriously: 7 Tips for Teen Girls Dating My Son

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So the boy is 16. This means I have to accept that there will be girls. There have been girls, in fact. I am not the mom who thinks no girl is good enough for her boy. I understand and get that he is a teen and dating happens. I have accepted it and done my best to embrace it and deal. THAT being said, teen girls of this generation are a different animal. So, dear teen girls, when you decide you like my son and cyber stalk me, hopefully you will come across this list and consider some of these helpful tips:

1. Keep your cyber-stalking discreet: At first I thought it was cute and useful that almost every girl who liked my son friended my on Facebook. AT FIRST. But, here is the deal as much as I enjoy a sneak peek into your entire internet history, I wonder if you realize I get to see your entire internet history? Then comes the part where you guys break up. You girls never delete me. For some reason I struggle to delete insecure, impressionable teen girls. It isn’t personal it’s just why are we still Facebook friends? (also, I feel super weird reading your posts, do you really want my mid-30s opinion on fashion, life and boys?).

2. How you treat his baby sister will effect my opinion of you: You would think this would be obvious. And yes, I get it, my son can be a jerk to his baby sister. Don’t worry the minute you leave he hears it from me. Also he has to live with her all the time, so of course his patience dissipates on occasion. BUT, if you are a jerk to my little girl, please know I have judged you and deemed you a jerk. And while I cannot force my son to break up with you, nor will I. I will make it very hard for you two to hang out (and that I can do).

3. DO NOT ASK TO SPEND THE NIGHT: Like for real, I do not care if your mom is cool with it. In fact it sorta freaks me out that your mom has never met me and is cool with you crashing here. What if I’m an ex-con alcoholic who lets her kids drink and rent strippers. (for the record I’m not, but their mom doesn’t know that). You may have the purest of intentions, but I am so, so, so not ready for my son to have sleepovers with the opposite sex.

4. Don’t just show up randomly: Now I want to clarify here. Sure you can pop over on your bike on occasion (though I haven’t seen a teen girl on a bike in eons). The issue is when you show up all the time, anytime. I don’t know you’re coming over, my son doesn’t even know you’re coming over, sometimes my son isn’t even home. And you stay. And I’m sitting here staring at a teen girl, wondering when someone will come fetch her. Am I supposed to feed you? Do we sit and talk about life? Why are you staring at me?

5. Arrange your transportation in advance: Seriously? Why would you just assume we would take you home? My husband has had to leave work 5 times in the last year to take some girl home. It is not that I mind transporting you home. What I mind is finding out at the last minute after I have put my toddler to bed and while my husband is at work. With the car.

6. Don’t drag me into your couple issues: You are dating my son. Sometimes, if I am lucky, he confides in me and talks to me about things. Please know if he tells me something that I think is wrong (on your part or his) I will tell him. But when you text me your version of the issues I make the mistake of going to talk to or yell at my son about it. (note Moms this doesn’t go well for you relationship with your child) But, the thing is my son is a teen he is going to screw up in relationships, and in the end I am going to always love him and have his back, because he is my son. So no, I will not get involved.

7. Don’t drape yourself over my son like a blanket: Again, I get it teens, they cuddle, kiss, and eventually might do more. But if you ever want to step foot in my house again do not drape yourself all over my son in front of me. See what happens is I see you brazenly all over him in front of me and I instantly wonder what the heck would you do if I wasn’t standing right there or one room over???

I could go on and on and on. I could tell you to treat me, my husband, and my son with respect, but that should be a given. I could go on, but, I am somewhat at peace with the fact that my son is dating. I know I cannot pick the girls he dates. I know that I won’t like all of you. I know that I will adore some of you, only to watch you leave our lives. As my son gets older I have less and less sway in the decisions he makes. But, I do have sway. I do still make the rules. So do yourself a favor and don’t get on my bad side. Don’t treat my son poorly. He is a great kid, becoming a good man. And, if he likes you there must be a reason, so friend him on Facebook, not me.

Ally Greene is Mama to two children, a few cats, and one rowdy beagle. At Bacon Coffee Mama she shares her love of good food and the joys and trials of parenting today.

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