I Went on a Date Last Night

I went on a date last night.
And it wasn’t with my husband.

No, I went on a date with a different boy, someone very special.

My eight-year-old, Ethan.

Usually on Tuesday nights we go to Cub Scouts. Dan’s usually working, so we always have Zach and Emma with us. But since Dan and Zach have both been sick, Dan was staying home with Zach and Emma. Then about an hour before we were supposed to leave for Scouts, we got a call that they were only working on Pinewood Derby cars tonight, and Ethan’s car is almost done.

Ethan had some birthday money burning a hole in his pocket, and I needed to pick some things up at Wal-Mart for Mom’s Group today. Plus we needed milk.So Dan sent us off, telling me to take my time, and take Ethan out for some ice cream too.

WE HAD A BALL.

First stop was Culver’s, for some scrumdiliumptious sundaes. Ethan chattered the whole time, enjoying the full attention I was giving him. Then we headed to Walmart, spending a long time in the toy section.

It’s a hard job, figuring out what to buy with birthday money.

I got the other groceries we needed, including some special things for Zach and Emma. Ethan wanted to make sure they didn’t feel left out, the sweetheart.

We drove home, enjoying the Juicy Fruit gum we bought and listening to our favorite songs on the iPod.

It was just a blessing of a night. I thanked Dan when we got home. Ethan really needed this time. It’s easy to get caught in the shuffle in a family of 5-especially when your younger siblings need help. Ethan kind of got the short end of the stick on his birthday, too.Because Emma and Zach had Influenza A, we had to postpone his birthday party, and we didn’t really do anything special other than presents and cake.

One-on-one time is so important in families. I found the following on this very subject on iParenting:

The benefit of one-on-one time between parents and children goes beyond making memories. Negative effects and behaviors can often occur when a child is deprived of the parents’ sole attention. The child may feel he is not getting the attention he truly wants and will settle for whatever he can get, including the negative. “It’s hard for a child that never has time alone with their parents because they may always feel deprive of parental attention,” says Pieper. “The danger is they will try to get the parents attention in a negative way in acting out behaviors, temper tantrums, hitting, biting, writing on walls, however they feel they can get that attention. Kids really need focused attention from parents; they need it. It is part of their requirements of growing up, just as they need food. They will get it one way or another. It’s much better to have the child know that he is going to have someone to one positive attention from parents then to force them into a corner to where the only kind of attention they can get is negative.”

Very thought provoking, right? I can see how the negative attention can happen. Actually, I’ve seen it happen in my own house. How much more pleasant is it, though, to give the positive attention, and receive positive behavior in return? I’d much rather have fun and smile with my kids than yell at them all the time.

So I’m going to keep those dates going. I can’t wait to go on another one. The rewards are priceless.

Esther is a LCMS Lutheran pastor’s wife, 8, 5, and 3 year old’s mom, cloth diaperer, church organist, friend, daughter, sister, niece, aunt, flutist, oboist, former teacher, non-duster, Green Bay Packer fan, near-sighted, blogger. And most importantly, Child Of God.