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I Am THAT Mom...

Photo by: iStock

If I could throw away all my kids toys I would. Seriously, I am telling you the truth. Okay, so maybe I would let them have five toys each. But no more than that. If it were up to me the spare room containing my husbands -shit- work equipment and (miscellaneous things he has collected) would be blown up.

I love throwing things out. De-cluttering and cleaning is a form of therapy for me second only to running, of course. I like things clean, tidy and organized. If it isn’t being used, then it should go to a new home otherwise referred to as the garbage.

The problem is I live in a house of hoarders. So that is an exaggeration but if you know me, you know I like my space clean! My husband likes to acquire things that he sees for free. He is also a pro at making up the excuse that a purchase was a “good deal”. According to him if it was at a garage sale or had a red clearance sign on it then it has to be a steal right! (Insert sarcasm)

And let’s talk about my four year old who is always bringing home pocket fulls of rocks, sticks or acorns. I can find these all over my house and in my dryer. And just like toddlers everywhere, my two are awesome at making it look like a tornado has gone through the house. On top of the natural disasters is the constant crumbs from both my children and husband. Really? Is it so hard to get your food in your mouth?! Just this weekend I vacuumed under the couch cushions and I found enough crumbs and granola that I could have thrown it back in a bag and offered it as a snack at a later time.

I do hold onto some things myself. I am a sentimental person. My “treasures” I choose to hold onto fit within my cedar chest that my grandmother gave to me. This is special to me and filling it with sentimental belongings seems appropriate. Everything is tucked away in it’s own space. Some things even in boxes. There is order, neatness, and it makes sense to me!

What does not make sense to me is the man down the street who is a hoarder. His yard is cluttered with miscellaneous belongings; cars, trailers, extra garbage cans and rusty rakes. I have seen him mid-day sleeping in his truck. It makes me wonder if his house it too cluttered to sleep comfortably in and his truck is his own “clean” space. It makes me want to get a Hazmat suit and go in there and start cleaning for him.

We have other neighbors whose front porch is piled to the ceiling with junk. No joke… to the ceiling. It’s not hidden in the backyard or in the garage, and they are not ashamed. Some people don’t seem to give a shit and maybe I shouldn’t either?

I know that cleaning gives me a sense of control. It also makes me feel like I accomplished something. I feel satisfaction to be able to sit down without a plastic, play fork going up my ass or stepping on a Matchbox car for the tenth time in one day. Of course my children are allowed to play, explore and have fun… I just prefer it if they do it in their own space and not mine. If my husband has his room, and the children have theirs, is it so much to ask to give me the rest of the house?!

Seeing the place in utter dismay makes me feel crazy. I am “that” mother at birthday parties scurrying around picking up after the children. _NO, I don’t need you to help me nor do I want you to. See, I know where everything goes and am just as happy to do it myself so when my kid is crying for his Ninja Turtle I can retrieve it from the correct place. Yes, each toy should have it’s own special home as well.

Looking at crumbs on the floor, toys scattered throughout the house, or my husband’s hairs from shaving that have been left all over the sink (can you say gross and lazy), those things make me feel batty. I cannot just let it go. I try, believe me! I would love to be one of those mothers who just let’s it go. I would like to be you, the one who says it is more important to sit down and play with their children. The one who can come home and say it can wait another day. But I am not like you and I high five you for not being as neurotic as I am. I admire that you can be relaxed enough to look past the dishes in the sink and piles of laundry. To me, they are taunting my name as I walk past them and I have to just get rid of them immediately. They are whispering for me to take care of them because no one else in this house will! And, I suppose, that’s just the way I am. Just like those who hoard are the way they are. Neither of us may not like it or be proud of it, but it is the way we are for now.

A person’s hoarding can evolve from a traumatic event, or maybe they are trying to replace something, fill a void. Others have difficulty letting things go. Then we have those hoarders who actually think they are doing something good, such as animal hoarders. They believe they are “saving” an animal and it gets way over their head. Soon they have fifty cats living in their house and they can’t even feed themselves.

My husband and children are not one of these people. There have not been traumatic events that would cause them to collect these things and drive me crazy. But there may be a traumatic event that comes from all this junk being brought in my house!

Of course I love my husband. He is a wonderful man. He is an incredible father and provider for our family… blah, blah, blah…(I know that is what you are thinking). Yet he is not what I would call a “tidy” person. They say opposites attract right?! Apparently so because even though I grumble over the crumbs and paper towels he leaves in crumpled balls all over the damn house, I will not be demanding that the three of them leave any time soon. For now, they and their sloppy little selves can stay here.

As my son says: “Chase makes a mess, Wesley makes a mess, and daddy makes a mess and Mommy cleans it every time!”

But I make no promises in eleven years when I have two teenage boys and a messy husband all living under the same roof. I might just have to move out!

I am the mother of two amazing creatures, my boys. I am a SAHM, and also work part-time as a Veterinary Technician. I am the creator of the blog, Discovering Me In Them, and previous author for VT Mommies. I am addicted to running, love taking pictures, and enjoy good food, beer and wine. You can also find me on Facebook.

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