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Happy Parents' Day?

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So, July 28 is Parents’ Day, in these good ol’ United States. Not a holiday with the chops of Christmas or New Year’s Eve, I know, but special nonetheless.

Parents’ Day, you ask? What the heck is Parents’ Day?

Well, wait a gosh darned minute! You didn’t know about Parents’ Day?

Me neither. But thank goodness for Google!

Let me break this down for you, folks. Parents’ Day is just like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, even Grandparents’ Day. It is an observance, but not a holiday. And perhaps if you’re wondering why you haven’t yet been apprised of its existence, (because Parent’s Day has been happening since 1994) allow me to explain because clearly, you’ve been busy.

You’ve been busy cutting sandwiches into perfect squares, changing the laundry, trying in vain to shower, and running to CVS at midnight to pick up greeting cards for all those other observances. An oversight on your part, I know, but I’m here with the remedy.

Take the day off.

Go ahead, just take the day off. Enjoy yourself and don’t feel an ounce of guilt. Take a dip in the pool, sip a Piña Colada, or go out for sushi and a movie. The kids will be fiiiine. It’s Parents’ Day! and you deserve it. You sacrifice and sacrifice all day, everyday, right? Why can’t those little -gnats- cherubs take care of themselves for one teeny, tiny day… or two? For something as special as Parents’ Day.

Of course, you could celebrate at home, but you know what will happen? You’ll try to light the candles on your Happy Parents’ Day cake and the kids will spit all over it trying to blow them out. Your presents will be opened, used, and broken before you even see them. The pizza will be eaten before you have a chance to take a bite and you’ll be the one who’s left to clean up the whole mess. And once the day is through, your relaxing interlude in the hot tub with a glass of wine, will be all but ruined when little Johnny asks to be tucked in for the fifth time.

So, just do as I say. Leave. Let grandma or that neighbor kid (you think has been stealing your mums) watch them. It’s your day. Go and enjoy it!

Anyone in their right mind would seize the opportunity to celebrate and be celebrated as the amazing parents that you are. Anyone in their right mind would take the opportunity to be pampered for twelve to twenty-four blissful hours. Either that or you can teach your kids to give massages. That might work?

I urge you. Right now. Pick up the phone and call all your childless, extended family and friends and explain that Parents’ Day only comes once a year and that you must do what’s best for you and your partner to make the best of it. I’m sure they will drop whatever fun, childless plans they have today and come right over.

The cooking, the laundry, and signing Jimmy up for soccer could wait a day, couldn’t it? What’s the worst that could happen? You’d be home by midnight. (Probably.) And, the next day, Monday, when it’s time to go back to work cutting the sandwiches and signing the papers you’ll also get to clean up the mess from today’s absence. Because, of course. You’re the parents.

So, what are you waiting for? Time’s a-wastin’. Get out of here! It’s Parents’ Day, for heaven’s sake. And if this is too late a notice because spontaneity is no longer in your parental vocabulary… then at least use it as your valid Get-Out-of-Housework-Free-Card for the next 24 hours. You’re welcome.

(And if you think I’ve made this up… I assure you, it’s real. You can even nominate “Parent’s Of The Year” in your area. I promise you this, I am not on that list. But cheers to all the parents who are, and you of course. Because you deserve a day of your own!)

Stephanie spends most of her days “guiding and nurturing” a precocious three-year-old boy and two-year-old fraternal twins. She blogs about humor, parenting, pop culture, and being a woman at Momma Be Thy Name. In her spare time (HA!), she writes greeting cards for American Greetings and is working on her first novel. Follow her on Facebook or on Twitter.

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