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Geek Phobia-- Can We Get a Vaccine, Please?

Photo by: NPA

America has a lot of long-time, embarrassingly idiotic attitudes, stereotypes and prejudices about a lot of things that can make us the laughing stock of the world, and no where is this seen more acutely than in jr. high and high school. For example, what total no-brain started the attitude, so many years ago, that athletic ability rules, and that having any kind of smarts or artistic talent is considered geeky? Probably someone who ended up spending their life on welfare, in jail, or addicted to drugs or alcohol. Someone who was no doubt operated on or supervised by, at one point in their life, by a “geek”. But here we are, at least 60 years later, and that attitude still prevails, hurting us in so many ways. I actually heard a friend say to me a couple years ago, “I’m not going to encourage my son to be in the band because I don’t want him to be called a band geek.” Huh? I tried to set her straight. Though my band experience ended in 9th grade and my oldest daughter’s ended by 7th, I have a lot of friends who found their life’s career in band, not to mention those who simply found a hidden talent, great friends, and memories.

“People who are in band, or choir, remember, are musically talented,” I told her. “Which means they are pretty fun people. Their parties are fun, even school field trips are fun, because there’s always lots of music and you never know—there could be an impromptu jam session, or singing… they have great music collections and they’re usually pretty good dancers, too.” (well…at least the drummers are…)

I related some of my own memories to her. I’ll never forget a “spring tour” I went on with my high school show choir (we were called “The Purple Aires”— naturally, since our high school colors were purple and gray). Our choir director booked us to sing at a church and in the cafeteria of a community college in the greater Kansas City area, which was a day’s drive from my hometown. Not sure if even one of those college students ever looked at us while we were singing, but we still had a lot of fun (Worlds of Fun, to be exact—that was the name of the theme park we got to visit)—and we did break into a song or two on our “tour bus”… Fast forward to 2007— I’m driving a bunch of 6th grade Girl Scouts around Washington, D.C., and the band girls who are riding in my rented minivan start an impromptu “mouth version” of the Star Wars theme (a piece from the spring band concert), singing their particular instrument’s part, perfectly on pitch, using the word, “Duh” for each note. Several band “sections” were represented in my car and so, as all the parts chimed in and came together, it actually sounded good! I christened them The Duh Band. They had so much fun, they kept doing it again and again, recording it on their phones (the second time with an emcee, of course) and eventually performing it for our whole troop. Even girls who normally weren’t friends were having a blast and cracking each other up as they performed. It was one of my fondest memories of the entire trip, and I felt sorry for the girls who weren’t in band.

By the end of our conversation, my friend said she’d never thought of band kids as “fun” before and I thought maybe I’d changed an attitude. Not sure that I did. Her son didn’t enroll in band. When grown adults start worrying about whether their kid is going to look “cool” or not, we’re in a sorry state.

Speaking of Scouts—now there’s yet another group who gets a bad rap. The uniform probably doesn’t help, but, uniform aside, Scouts offer some pretty cool things kids can’t get in other activities, at least not at a young age. Opportunities to learn how to lead, whether it’s leading the troop in a meeting, or leading a service project, or teaching younger Scouts how to do something. Opportunities to experience a whole lot of stuff in ways other kids can’t. My 5th grade Girl Scout troop slept overnight at NASA in March, something only offered to Scouts. Also that semester, we took a curling lesson (yes, Dallas has a curling club!) and visiting the only wolf sanctuary in Texas. It’s so much more than camping and selling cookies (although those activities are good as well) and yet parents either don’t sign up their kids (one mom told me, “I was never in Scouts so I’m not signing up my daughter”) or they let it go by the wayside as kids get busy with sports and other activities or, it falls prey to the “geek” label.

Kudos to Girl Scouts of the USA for continually trying to update the uniform and trying to keep the program fresh and “current”. Kudos to movies like “High School Musical” and the TV show, Glee, which has helped boost enrollment in school choir and theatre programs. And kudos to all the travel agencies out there who specialize in arranging choir and band trips to exciting locales. Jay Johnson, the owner of Coastline Travel in Garden Grove, CA, (I work with a lot of travel professionals in the corporate freelance writing that I do) told me last week about how his agency resurrected the Hawaii Invitational International Music Festival, and that when bands and choirs are able to plan trips to Hawaii, it doubles their membership.

In the next few months, my daughter Emmie is going to have to decide if she’s going to participate in 6th grade band next year and if so, what instrument she’ll play. Band instruction is provided for 6th graders every day during school hours in our district (even though our 6th grade is still at the Elementary School.) I told her I thought she ought to consider percussion, since she’s had the piano experience they require, and they might even let her play her guitar.
“But, Mom,” she said yesterday as we drove to church, “hardly any of my friends are going to be in band.”
“Why not?” I said.
“They think it’s for geeks,” she said.

Patricia Long Allbee is a freelance writer in the Dallas area, having written for the Dallas Morning News for over 20 years and also published in D Magazine, Dallas Child, and The Dallas Observer. Her blog, Uncool Mom, was voted Best Blog in Dallas in 2009 by Nickelodeon ParentsConnect readers. She is the mother of two girls, a preteen and a teen.

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49 Comments

It's such a dilemma. It shouldn't matter. As adults, we know it's stupid. But the kids don't know and they think it does matter. They treat each other like it does matter. They are cruel to those they see as geeks and no parent wants to set their child up to be picked on. But, on the other hand we don't want to deny them a positive experience just for the sake of fitting in...

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Well said, Runa G.!

My oldest son (8th grade) is not only a band geek, but also an (all) Honors geek and an MUN (Model United Nations) geek...

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Enjoyed your blog. I wasn't a band member, but was a girl scout. When I was in high school, I was just one of those people who didn't fit into one group or the other and just always thought labels were the worse thing ever. I think it is sad it still exists. I just think as parents we need to encourage children to follow what they want and do their best and be a leader, and not try to be like others or be a follower. Then you will truly be yourself and nothing could be cooler than that.

I have 4 children and they were/are school band members since 5th grade.When I was in elementary I dreamt to be in band but not have the opportunity to do this because of money issues.When I found out that there is elementary band I made sure that my kids will take advantage of this.And surprisingly they enjoyed it, 2 of my kids were in the honor band.The band director in my kids school said that playing music helps kids to excel in their academics,my kids are A and B+ students and 2 are members of the honor society.They have enjoyed their band trips to perform in different festivals and made a lot of friends.Some called them "band geeks" but my kids and friends called themselves the "cool kids"

What a great post! it is Inportant for parents to "boost" their kids' up in life rather than teach them to fear someone elses "label" of their activity. To inspire creative thinking and to ensure their kids learn to judge for themselves what is fun and good...not to accept any "labels" that have been placed by insecure juveniles who can't make it in an activity so disparingly attach a "label" to that activity...

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Being a Geek, or a Nerd, or whatever term is being used is only hurtful if you let it be. I was christened a Nerd in junior high because I was smart, and I was in Girl Scouts. Then, in high school, I not only continued to do scouts, but I joined choir. Just to confuse everyone, though, I played three sports a year all four years of high school. And maintained high enough grades to be a scolar athelete. Was I a nerd? Probably...

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Thanks for your spot on article. It is understandable that kids believe in societal labels but when parents do the same, I am saddened. Parents need to be guiding their kids... not to be followers but leaders who have the courage to pursue their own passions be it band, scouts, athletics or all of the above.

There's only one thing worse than geeks and nerds etc...people who look down their noses at people!!! Great article. My husband is a "rock star" and among his peers, "the coolest of the cool" in society -not really but according to these silly stereo types-dudes with throngs of fans etc-they all started in their school bands. The "coolest" and most enviable eccentrics in the adult world, in business and entertainment especially, were usually the geeks in High school...

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Yet again another negative article (fighting a stereotype with a new and baseless stereotype) This time it's athletic people, before it's been Mom's who overschedule, and Moms concerned about vaccines to name a few. Can anyone make their point without putting down another group of people? I'm off to unscribe to these articles.

My husband and I recount our high school experiences sometimes and while I don't think either of us was considered a "geek", we are well aware that a day might come when our sons are subjected to an unflattering title. We hope we are raising our children with enough kindness that they won't be on the "doling out" end of those titles...

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I'm now 21 years old, and at my high school, the most popular kids were in band and choir, and no one thought any less of them. There were many baseball players, cheerleaders, and wrestlers in both. The only people who had a tough time doing both was football, because the band played at all the games. But there were still some football players that played when it wasn't football season. I was not a "geek", and never felt like one...

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I find your attitude to be a bit prejudiced just as you feel "band geeks" are prejudiced against. However, with that being said, it was a good article. It made me think of my school days and how much I hated them. My best friend was the complete opposite however--she was involved in band, poms, cheerleading, choir, swing choir, drama, and as a girl she was in girl scouts. So, I plan to encourage my children to be involved in activities...

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I played first string basketball in high school and I was also first chair violin in orchestra. How about them apples?!! Talk about being geeky. I was geeky cool in high school.

I am not going to worry about this kind of stuff with my son. We will pursue his interests and encourage him to be his own person and to be comfortable in his own skin...

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I agree that one should not judge others by what natural talents they have, or what path they choose, but by the content of their character and how they display it through their lives. But it's funny how one's perspective is affected by events, or by the perspective of the parents projected onto their children...

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My father came to the US from Mexico at the age of 8 w/o knowing a word of English. In the 60's he joined his high school wrestling team. He did not have a father, and his coach became his father figure. It was because of his guidance that my dad went to college and became a high school teacher. He has taught for over 30 years and coached for over 20. His brother is an attorney and I am also a teacher. Athletics changed the trajectory of my family's experience in this country...

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