Photo by: Beverlykaytw

Do You Make Separate Meals For Your Kids?

Photo by: Beverlykaytw

Everywhere I go these days I see parenting advice. Don’t offer pacifiers, babies don’t really need them. Breastfeed rather than bottle feed. Give time outs in a certain way or else they won’t work. Don’t use training diapers for your potty training toddler. Don’t make separate meals for your child, serve them whatever the family is eating.

So much advice is contradictory that it is hard to wade through it all, hard to know what really works and what doesn’t. When 6 o’clock rolls around it sometimes seems as though clouds cover the sunny sky and a cold wind blows in. My happy toddler suddenly turns surly and combative.

On certain days I swear I can hear the music from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Dinnertime. There are a hundred reasons a child could be classified as a picky eater, maybe he is a supertaster, maybe he has food allergies and thinks the food will make him feel bad, maybe he is often overtired, or just scared of new things. My little guy is so active and busy that it is hard for him to stop whatever he is doing and sit down to eat. Now that he is older new foods are such an issue. But I feel it is important to serve healthful homemade meals that are full of veggies and good sources of nutrients.

How do I steer him away from the salt laden chicken nuggets and mystery meat hot dogs that seem to scratch at the freezer door?

Even my pediatrician said not to serve separate meals for the kids; she says they should eat what the family eats. And most nights I do take that approach. But I don’t enjoy sending my kid to bed hungry simply because he is going through a stubborn phase. Not to mention the lack of fun for the whole family when one member spends thirty minutes crying. Besides, I sometimes want to eat stinky cheese or kohlrabi or beans (I am the most saddened by his refusal of beans, sigh). So some nights I open the fridge and whip up a meal of pasta with butter and carrot sticks and a glass of milk. At least I know we’ll have a quiet evening with no starving 3am wake ups.

Well, I did take some advice on the matter. I did stop buying the junk. You won’t find chicken nuggets or conventional nitrate filled hotdogs in my fridge. If I am going to make separate meals sometimes to play the role of diplomat, at least I am going to do it on my terms. Maybe he will learn the art of negotiation from all this.

All through my pregnancies and into motherhood I have received countless bits of advice. Some has worked; some was way out of left field. The best thing I ever heard? “Never say never.” I have learned that parenthood goes hand in hand with flexibility. Because sometimes the last thing that you want to do is the only thing that works.

Christa O’Brien is a full time working mother of two who is trying to get her kids off processed food while trying to get them more intimately involved with the food they eat. The Table of Promise is her attempt to answer some of the questions she has about food and share her findings.

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110 Comments

I almost never make separate meals for my child, unless I'm making something particularly challenging (like stinky cheese or kohlrabi) in which case I will usually throw together some rice and veggies for her. Otherwise, she eats what I serve or goes to bed hungry. Sometimes, she goes to bed hungry. Usually she complains for anywhere from 10 minutes to half an hour and then caves, takes a bite, realizes it's delicious and scarfs down the rest...

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Our kids eat what we eat or they don't get anything. If they go to be hungry it is their own fault maybe next time they will eat what I fix. I don't make them eat anything I won't eat myself, I'm a bit picky about certain veggies and DH is picky about a lot of foods.

I totally hear you guys! I always worry about my oldest being underweight (he hasn't gained a pound in the last year-which I know is normalish), hence my concern. Things have gotten easier but it is a nice pace to break the rules once in a while. Plus then he feels like he is getting a super special treat!

I don't make seperate meals. I dont have time for that! :) My kids (5 and 3) have to try everything and if they truly don't like something, I don't make them eat it. However, they have to eat the rest of what is on the plate. I save my truly "adult" dishes for my late night dinner with hubby on Thursdays.

I usually avoid making separate meals unless I'm craving something specific that I know no one else in the family wants (like salmon and asparagus). Or if our DD has been sick or we've battled a lot that day and I just can't take another fight. If she's really hungry and tried what I made but didn't like it, then I'll let her have cereal. But if she doesn't want to eat what I made because she wants waffles for dinner, then too bad...

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I made this mistake with my first two and paid for it for years. My husband didn't get home till really late and that was my excuse. My third child arrived 7 years later and I just mashed up what we were eating. He had fewer picky problems and still has quite a wide repetoire. I'm not saying he never gets a kid meal, but he knows that what's put down in front of hi is dinner and there's nothing else on the menu.

I do often make a separate meal for my kids, mostly because they have a child's palate and they don't like the same things my husband and I do - and I didn't either at their age.

In an informal poll of friends and acquaintances I have found that most of those who make only one meal eat a lot of spaghetti and marinara sauce themselves. It's not that the children are eating sophisticated meals, it's that the adults have settled into a pattern of eating what their children will eat...

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My question is at what age do you let them go to bed hungry? I've been trying to get away from separate meals but at 2 and 3 years old they don't eat what I'm serving for the whole family. My two year old has been waking up at 5 am asking for a snack. I don't go to him until 6 and then give him breakfast. But I find it easier some nights to just make them what I know they will eat.

I don't make an entirely different meal for my kids, but I do make meals that can be modified. I have a daughter who is a vegetarian, and two other kids who are not. So, for example, if I make chili or pasta, I make the meat on the side and those who eat it can add it in. If we do burgers, I'll throw a veggie burger on the grill, or stir fries have the meat aside, etc. There are few foods that all three kids like at the same time...

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Our kids do sometimes eat something different from the adults, however it's never a meal which requires much preparation--cereal, soup reheated from another night, a peanut butter sandwich, or a cheese quesadilla. To get rid of the parent-as-servant idea, I'm going to start asking that the kids prepare their alternative meal themselves. The 8 year old is able to reach the bread and prepare a sandwich himself or put cheese on half a tortilla, fold it, and put it in the toaster oven...

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I often make separate meals for my 4-year-old. We have a 15 month old that will eat whatever you put in front of him...for now. Our 4-yo used to do the same thing, until he realized he had an opinion and it matters. He's just really picky and not open to new foods because the last few times he tried REALLY new foods, it happened to coincide with a nasty cold/flu that made him barf for days. Now he's a little food aversive...

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My daughter is now 16 and what I always did to avoid making 2 meals when she did not like what was served was offer her a pbj sandwich and an apple. That was the only choice and as she got older, probably 6 or 7, she had to make her own if she wasn't going to eat what we did. Worked like a charm! Yes she sometimes ate a pbj for dinner but not as often as my friends kids ate chicken nuggets and I didn't have to make 2 meals and wash 2 sets of pans. Worked perfect for us.

Nope! My kids what we eat what we make & if they don't they will be hungry. They have always been given just what we are eating, and kids menus at restaurants are rather patronizing. My sisters kids are so picky and never try anything besides pasta and chicken nuggets. They cater to that and the poor kids are always constipated. It is also a form of fear.

My daughter has been getting food from our meal since she started picking at finger food. Sometimes it requires a bit of creativity though. I do get her to eat kholrabi - by using the french fry cutter to make them look like fries and steaming them. I call them kholrabi fries and she eats them right up. Though she's also the child whose first vegetable she was willing to eat raw was a radish. She doesn't always eat everything we're having, but usually something so she doesn't go to bed hungry...

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We also have a "no-cook" rule. My kids have to TASTE what is in front of them (or at least the protein portion) and if they still don't like it they can have something that doesn't require cooking - leftovers, peanutbutter on a spoon, etc. They actually don't take me up on it too often although often they just eat the protein or the carb and not both. We'll also try to make the same meal a bit differently - for example, my husband makes a mean chicken marsala...

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