Dear Anxiety: You Will Not Take My Daughter Hostage

Dear Anxiety,

For as long as I can remember you have made your way into my life and riddled me in fear.

Sometimes your presence is subtle and other times your presence engulfs me and swallows me whole.

You love to remind me who is in control. You love rendering me helpless. And oh how you like to take my breath away. You bring along your friends to join in on the pity party and have a field day with my brain.

Guilt. Shame. Fear.

In the past, when you and your friends have shown up I’ve surrendered myself to you. I allowed you to hurt me. I allowed you to make me feel like there were no solutions. Everything I tolerated by you manifested itself into loneliness, isolation, self hatred, self pity. You are so cruel.

It took a long time to distance myself from you. I still feel the pang of your existence sometimes and when I do I know that I have to center myself. I have to allow myself to let you pass through without saying hello. And I am getting better. I am stronger. I am resilient.

But dammit if you didn’t insert yourself into my daughters life. Why? How dare you. I know how toxic you are. I know how scary you can look. I know how you operate. And here you are, showing up to cause my little one distress. It took me years to learn how to ignore you and your destructive ways and now you’re preying on the one person I would take my life for.

What I want you to know is this. You may succeed temporarily, but you will not win this battle. I am a strong woman. I am a resilient woman. I am a problem solver. I am a MOTHER. You will not take my daughter hostage and bind her to a life of fear. As long as I am her mother I will find a way to uncover your ugliness and show her who you really are. I will expose you in all of your lies. I will destroy you.

Please consider this your warning.

Sincerely,

One Flawsome Momma



Jackie Ferguson is an RN and mom(ish) blogger. She is a single mom who is trying to thrive through anxiety, depression and chronic illness through intentional living and mindfulness.