Photo by: Michi003

Dating in Today's World - is it History?

Photo by: Michi003

Friends with benefits. Some people say this has been around for a long time. But, just like everything else…this is becoming more popular with teens. The Urban Dictionary defines friends with benefits as, two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.

When I first heard how this type of ‘relationship’ if you want to call it that, was gaining popularity with teens, of course I had to dig deeper…and all I can say is…oh my god, now this?

I came across an article in the New York Times (read this here), that left me in amazement. This article made me realize even more how much relationships have changed since we were kids. Dating as we know it is a thing of the past. It is now all about ‘hooking up’.

Lots of parents encourage their kids to not get romantically involved at a young age…hang out with your friends…have fun…you are young. I think this is great advice but now I am starting to wonder.

These kids are doing just that, but of course are taking it to the extreme. The New York Times article reads, “Having close friends of the opposite sex makes romantic relationships less essential. Besides, if you feel like something more, there is no need to feign interest in a dinner and a movie. You can just hook up or call one of your friends with benefits.”

When we were in school wasn’t a girl called, oh something like a slut or a tramp for being this way?

Are we as parents and a world for that matter condemning this? Should we be encouraging monogamy and relationships instead of always ‘safe sex’. I wonder if the world has become so caught up in ‘safe sex’ that we are not doing enough to explain further about emotional relationships and morals?

Dalia is a freelance writer and mother of three balancing life and raising kids in this new world.

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65 Comments

I don't usually get into these conversations, but this one caught my attention, so I kept reading. I felt sick to my stomach as I read how many people thought this was okay, and admitted to this kind of relationship. I have 6 children, and every day I try to teach them the importance of moral values and a feeling of self worth. I'm truly sorry for those who haven't been taught or experienced for themselves the happiness and joy that comes from having love and trust in a relationship...

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Note to self: Remove kids from public school by age 13.

shuzuko, I know you are speaking from experience, and I know you're an adult, but 21 is still VERY young to be making a determination that these types of relationships are not harmful in the long term.

I wonder what's next in this crazy, mixed up world we're in?! Hey, how about bracelets that each "friend" can wear showing their disease status--since they're all hooking up and no one's in a relationship, the bracelet will automatically tell you who's been tested, etc.

These postings are reflective of what's actually gone horribly wrong with our culture. The height of hypocrisy for you to judge young people's choices while simultaneously promoting hateful language against girls (sluts, etc). Did each of you wed as virgins? Did none of you feel pressure to have sex with someone before you were ready but were too afraid to ask for help? It's judgmental high minded adults like you that make it so hard for young girls to find allies.

I feel this only breeds laziness in the men and the women. Morals and respect are so important and if it is okay to be less than what you truly want, things will never go back to what you really deserve. True feeling of Love cant be replaced with sex because that is called Lust. Isnt that one of the 7 deadly sins?

It is pretty sad at this day and age our daughters, nieces, neighbors and young women around the country think that this is acceptable behavior. I can tell you that having lived 4 decades that this is nothing new. The only reality of this is that the ladies that find this ok will find out eventually that these guys were never their true friends. Learn this lesson now, boys and men will take as long as the girl/woman give...

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It's so scary now how different things are since I've been out of high school (10 years ago). It's truly frightening to know that dangers of cell phones and provocative immoral pictures being sent and exploited. I still believe that abstinence is the best thing to teach your kids. They need to be strong and uphold their morals and teach guys to respect women and their virtue. Intimacy is to be between a husband and wife...

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The ugly flip side of the “sex is only for committed monogamous relationships” idea is that it leads young people to equate sex with marriage. I know an awful lot of people – men and women both – who were raised with these values, became sexually involved with a dating partner, and concluded that meant they should get married...

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I just went through all you're talking about with my 20 year old daughter. My friends and I couldn't understand what's been happening in our country. Unfortunately, what I found answers what has been going on; but it also means we're in a much worse place that I thought...
In January 1963, when we still had an “American Congress”, the 45 Stated Communist Goals to takeover America were officially entered into the Congressional Record...

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I think it is FINALLY like this, then our kids can learn about sex and how to make sure they are aware of how to please themselves and won't "fall in love" to be dumped later like so many have in the past. Not to mention getting married at a young age just to 'have' sex, ending up with an unexperienced partner and then having an affair when they realize how much they suck 20 years later.

Real love comes from a true friendship, one that can stand the test of time...

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No, Lynne, name calling is not what has gone horribly wrong and caused these things to happen. The names were even more serious when the culture upheld morals. I also disagree with all these people saying the alternative to Teenage FWB behavior is holy matrimony and saving yourself for marriage...

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I'm a Muslim convert and we've raised our sons as Muslims. In our religion, dating isn't even allowed. A big reason for this is that, as many of us know, one thing can lead to another, and we are strongly against premarital sex. My boys are involved in family activities, sports, doing things with other guys. My 15-year old felt a little strange last year when classmates questioned why he didn't have a girlfriend (at 14?) but he sees now how much a relationship would complicate his life...

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My daughter just graduated from college (she graduated from high school drugs,sex, & alcohol free) We just had a long discussion on her generation & how they don't need or want relationships. She thinks it is because of the lack of relationships in the families in which many of them grew up. Preschools with different teachers each year, after school care, & latch key kids. Our culture needs to rethink its priorities. It a tough call!

Do we still live in the middle ages? What's with all the Christian rhetoric?

Why, if a man or woman enjoys sex, should they "save" themselves for that "perfect, monogamous relationship"? Why do folks feel it's appropriate to project their own values onto others, or specifically, to judge others' actions? And, why is a monogamous relationship the standard for appropriate behavior? Committed relationship does not necessarily mean marriage...

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Car: "As if the dating cycle wasn't enough practice for divorce (date, break up, date someone new, break up...),"

How, other than dating, would you suggest people figure out if another person is one they would like to marry? And if the one you're' dating turns out not to be right for you, there are only two options - break up or stay in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs.

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