Photo by: iStock

A Mom of Boys: Tranquil is Not in Their DNA

by Sarah of "Raising Danger"
Photo by: iStock

I realized something today. I’m the mother of two… BOYS. This only took me a few years to grasp. Last I checked I am not, and have never been, a boy. Because of this I feel ill-equipped to raise males.

In short… I’m terrified.

We were watching funny videos tonight and all of the stunts gone wrong were almost always performed by pre-pubescent, frontal-lobes-not-fully-developed, dudes. I see my kids faces as they watch, and how hilarious they find them.

Then I realize, it’s not a matter of if my boys will perform completely stupid stunts that involve a trip to the ER… it’s when.

At 7 and 3 we have yet to have any major injuries. I know some young kids that have already ventured into antics causing their parents mild heart attacks. I’m lucky mine haven’t dared… yet, but I know it’s just a matter of time.

Now that there are two of them, this reality is inevitable. Boys egg each other on in everything. Someone always has to be the winner. First to brush their teeth, first up the stairs, first to finish breakfast, first to the toilet. You name it. (I’ve noticed though, that they never compete to be first to clean up, or first to hug mom, or first to share).

This morning as I was packing Danger’s lunch I heard them yelling at each other over breakfast. I told them to stop yelling and just eat. I was proud of the immediate quiet I heard thinking they had finally listened to me and my threats. Then I walked into the dining room to see them silently hitting each other. I’m sure they were thinking as long as mom didn’t hear it was okay to keep at each other.

I regularly hear things being yelled like, “You are the chosen one!!” or “Mom… I’m not doing anything up here…” or, “I dare you!” all followed by a crash and scream.

And it’s ridiculous how often I have to tell Little Lion to stop karate chopping his own wiener.

I’m learning (guessing) that this is all normal for parents raising boys?

I know one day this will translate into them quietly betting the other one they should jump off the garage, or something equally as stupid. I should probably accept these things and make sure the boys insurance is as comprehensive as possible.

And in the spirit of acceptance I made the boys promise tonight to make sure that whatever stupid feats they ever attempt, they always make sure that at least one friend is there with a phone. And now I will fall asleep imagining all the awful things their little brains will cook up.

If you’re the mom of boys, what’s the craziest/ stupidest/ insane stunt they ever pulled and lived to tell? I’m trying to prepare myself for the inevitable.

Sarah Kennedy-Sexton is newly single and a mom of two boys. She can’t decide if she should keep her married name or go back to her awesome maiden name, so for now she is going to have a hyphenated last name like someone important. She lives outside of Philadelphia and repeatedly tries, and mostly fails, at all things domestic. Also, she likes to write. Probably should have led with that. Follow her blog at Raising Danger.

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