Well I am probably on the overprotective side too, but I don't think I would let him either. It sounds so corny but I don't even go walking in my own neighborhood at the exact same time every day. I do go and walk, but I try and mix it up. I figure if I have the exact same pattern all the time it is easy to keep tabs on me if anyone decides to watch. It is weird, I never worry about anything happening I just always try to be wise about things. So my vote is better to err on the side of caution. :)
Personally, I do not think that you are overprotective. I would not let my child walk home to this other child's house after school. If you have any misgivings, you should go with your gut. Of course your child wants to walk to this home. If you are not sure of the supervision and are worried about pediphiles, have him come home as usual. You can allow him to invite the child to your house for an overnight. This would be a good compromise.You would also get to know this child and perhaps the parents better in this situation and you would retyain some control. Judy K.
Hello:
I think that you should do what you think is best for your child and not worry about what other people do or say about you being over protective. Now days a lot of folks let kids do things that may not be safe or appropriate for them b/c it's convenient for the over stressed and over worked parents. Why take the risk when you don't have to?
I think alot of read flags have already been presented to you with there almost incidents. It only takes one time, would you want to risk an almost to having your child abuducted because someone has pinpoint your child, because they know they are alone? It makes for an easier target. I personally would not even leave 12 or 13 year olds alone or walk home alone. I don't think I am an over protected mother, I know I am just regular protecting my child, it is common since. I Live in a new, safe neighborhood as well, and I don't let me children unattended in the front yard either. I drive in the neighborhood daily and there is an elementry school within blocks. I see lots of kids 6,7,8,9 all ages walking home, and I tell my children, that If I wanted to take one of these kids all I had to do was pull over to the curb and get them because no one is around and it would be that easy. It is frieghting to think of that, but it could be the reality. Better safe than sorry. You don't get another child to replace the same child. I wouldn't let the child dictate what he would like to do in the form of safety, that is the parents' job. He cannot even begin to understand the consequences in the larger scale. I hope you make the right descision, go with your gut feeling and don't try to reason with it. Thanks,
There is no such thing as overprotective. There is watching out for your kids and there is not watching out for your kids. If you feel at all like he shouldn't be somewhere without you around to keep him safe, then don't let him be! If you have a gut instinct that he shouldn't walk home but you let him anyhow because probably everything would be just fine but then it turns out it isn't, you have not done your job as a parent. I don't take others thinking I'm a crazy overprotective nut as anything but a compliment. I keep my kids safe, it's my job.
I let my 8 year old walk to and from to school every day (I just started this a month ago) but he walks with about 6 other boys in the neighborhood. If there were child preditors in my neighborhood, there IS NO WAY I would let him walk anywhere! I am with you on this one. The kids in my neighborhood have been walking to school since Kindergarten, and I just let Colby, my son start...he will be 9 this year. The woman across the street lets her 6 year old walk to school because he has a 11 year old brother who walks half way with the kids. We live 3 blocks from the school, in an okay neighborhood.
Cara, Stick to your guns on this one. I do not blame you one bit for being protective. He is your child, and you should be. If the neighbor thinks you are overprotective, talk to her and tell her everything thats going on. Does she know about the pedifiles?
To compromise if your son really wants to walk, tell him you will meet him close to the school and walk with him. Take your 3 year old for a walk everyday and pick up big brother from school. This could be fun for the three year old, and beneficial to you (getting outside for fresh air and sun). See how this works first, check out your neighborhood for yourself.
Good luck Mom...I think you are doing just fine! Don't worry about being overprotective, you have every reason to be in our society these days. Its just not like it used to be anymore.
Your son may be exaggerating about what his friend's parents say. And really, what does it matter? When someone made a comment about my using a "leash" on my 2 year old, I said that I wouldn't be the mother crying on the evening news begging for someone to return my child. If your gut says its not the best situation for your son at this age, then say no. If you do let him, require that he comes straight home, choose a route that he must take and walk it with him several times, and have him call when he arrives home. Let him know that these rules are for his safety and mom's peace of mind. If he can't follow the rules, he can't walk home. Good luck.
Cara,
For what it's worth, I don't think you're being over protective. You're talking about YOUR child. Is it possible for the friend's mother to pick up the children from school? It's okay to explain to your child that you are just not comfortable with it and if his friend's mother can't pick them up, then it may be best to go to their house another time when you or your husband are able to take him. Please don't ever second guess or apologize for doing what you think is right for your family.
Best of luck!
Anna W.
I think you should go with your own instincts, God gave us these wonderful children to protect, guide and eventually let them fly free, 9 might be to early to fly free. Your sons friends parents might not have the same concerns or beliefs, but you wouldn't want to second guess yourself on the what if's & then the "what if" came true. It is obvious you love your children, stick to your guns, Parenting is not for whimps! We have a hardest & the best rewarding job in the world.
You can only do what you think is best. Don't worry what your child's friends parents think of you. Maybe they are not protective enough! I might question that child's parents to find out what they let their child do since your son will be at his house doing the same things. They may have WAY different opinions on what a 9 year old should be able to do if they think you are "over protective".
God bless you!
Main entry portal for the Texas Dps Sex offender website is:
https://records.txdps.state.tx.us/DPS_WEB/Sor/index.aspx
there are other websites on the web, but this is the only one that I would trust to be the most accurate in Texas…
I found a guy that literally lives across the street from me. I do not let my kids outside even for a second w/o me w/ them-much less walk home from anywhere.
The old saying, "It's better to be safe then sorry" plays in my head everytime I try to make a decision about anything.
Hi Cara,
If you are not comfortable with it, then don't do it. Don't let your son's friends/parents decide what is best for you. Maybe they are too carefree? And that will come back to bite them in the ... someday, if they are not careful. Just my thoughts, you can never be too careful. Karen
Follow your gut and your heart. It is okay if your decisions don't mesh with other parents. I would say no, don't let him walk home by himself, especially with the information you've been given. Better safe than sorry, right? So why risk it?
Have you gone on watchdog and put in your address? That will show the child predators in your neighborhood. My response would be absolutely no, do not let him walk home, he is to young. The website address is www.FamilyWatchDog.us I put my address and I was apalled at how many were in my area. It will blow your mind. God bless. Linda
Hi there. I am a single mother of a 9 yr old girl. I make huge sacrifices for us to live in the neighborhood that we live in. It's not necessarily the best neighborhood, but it definitely ranks up there. We only live four blocks from the school and I don't let her walk home from school. On days that I know I'm going to be home early, I will let her ride the bus home after school, but at the time I know she's going to be getting off of the bus, I'm in the front yard waiting. I have discussed with her about the possibility of her coming home after school next year, but not this year.
Michelle in Houston, Texas
Absolutely not, you are a prefectly normal mother. A couple of weeks ago I was thinking about allowing my kids to ride the bus home rather than letting their dad pick them up after school. My son begged me because all his friends ride the bus. I was never a bus rider, so the thought never crossed my mind and my husband is perfectly able to do it. So I thought and thought about it until one afternoon I had a father of one of my daughters friends come to my house looking for his daughter. She was not there, but he says that she never made it home after school. We asked around, but nothing. As it turns out, after looking for her for an hour and a half, the bus driver took her to the bus barn. I don't know why, if she fell asleep or what, who knows. But, that ended my situation about whether or not to let my kids ride the bus. I just don't feel comfortable with it, so why put myself through the stress of it? Tell your son, if he wants to go to his pals house, he will have to wait til you get home in order to drop him off. By the way, my son is 10 and my daughter is 9. They are still my babies and after hearing things on the news everyday, I thank God that I have been able to keep them safe and pray that I always will. I am also over protective, but I am their mom and it is my job to make sure they are okay each day.
My son is only two so I have yet to hit your stage of parenting, but I can say right now that I'd feel way more comfortable with going with my gut and being safe than sorry. If something were to happen (and it probably won't, but still), you'll always regret that you worried about what the other boy's parents thought.
I think a lot about stuff like this although I've yet to really arrive at the decision making point- my two are 5 and 7 (8 tomorrow!).
I think that I want them to have some independence, but I want them to be safe.
The closest experience I have to what you are mentioning is the idea of letting my girls ride the city bus one day, so they can go to the big public library, a museum, or some other interesting spot. I want them to be able to do that, but I don't know what age they'll be (obviously I think it'll be before they turn 16).
My idea for you here is not to let them do anything you haven't already done with them. When I teach my girls to use the bus, I'll be with them the first several times. I will teach them how to do it and how to act during the trip, the whole banana. I won't let them go near it until I feel like we've done it enough times for it to be...automatic.
Same deal with taking walks/rides around the neighborhood. I don't let them do that without me yet, but we practice a lot. We take walks or rides (or sometimes skates) around the neighborhood and I ask them where to turn and how do we get home from here throughout the process. My 5yo now knows her right from her left and she could get you home from her pre-school if you asked her. You don't want them to be afraid, you want them to be empowered, and confident, calm, and able to respond appropriately- to cars, people, dogs, etc... Oddly enough dogs are among the largest dangers we face in our neighborhood- running loose and that will throw off my children's sense of 'what do I do- he's coming right at me'.
You have to teach them what to do, model it, and let them copy you.
Summer's coming- so maybe think towards next year as a goal. Tell him, you want to walk with your friend, I'm going to show you how. And practice several times with him until you feel sure about things, walking with him is the only way you'll know what he will experience. That'll be hard with your work schedule, but I'd encourage you to try and find some afternoons during the summer when you could walk the walk and talk about what to look out for and how to respond if this or that happens (maybe even Saturday afternoons). I bet he'll feel better about it that way, and you will too.
Finally, labeling parents does not do anyone any good. Don't fall into the trap of 'they said this so I'll respond by allowing that'- he's not their kid. period.
Hope this helps a little! Best of luck!
That is a really tough one. Your son needs to know that you trust him, but he has to be trustworthy. Do you trust that they will go straight home and not get distracted and veer off course? What do you know about his friend and his activities? Is he the type of kid who would engage in vandalism or get into trouble?
As for the actual walking home, there is relative safety in numbers and your son would be less of a target than if he were walking alone. If this is a one-time thing you can consider it.
That said, I would be really leary of the parents of this kid. If they think you are too overprotective, are they going to have alcohol or pornography available to your son and his friend? How lax are they in their child rearing. I think people who "have a clue" are impressed by parents who are overly concerned about their children. I would be really concerned about the environment that he is going to. Maybe you could schedule it to get out of work early on a Friday and have the kid come to your house for dinner and a movie so you can get to know him better.
I for one am not a proponent of sleepovers at all, there is too much child sexual abuse of boys and girls by both peers and parents! I have seen it in my own upscale neighborhood. I was in law enforcement too and saw enough to be "overprotective." I know exactly where the registered sex offenders are in my town! Anyway, trust your gut feelings. You have instincts for a reason and you can never un-do something bad that has been done. God Bless you and your family!
It's not always easy, but DO NOT let your child's comments sway you one or another. Your son may be telling you the truth, but I've found my kids making comments like "my friend's parents think you're overprotective". And it does tend to influence my decision, and I found out later that it wasn't true -- my child was just manipulating the situation to go her way(!). You are totally and completely responsible for your son, not his friends' parents. You can only use your best judgement that works for your family. And by the way, your son's friend's parents shouldn't be commenting about you and your parenting decisions (if in fact they did say that to your son). Good luck, it's very difficult to raise children and keep them safe.