I'm considering applying to be a surrogate. It's something I've been thinking about for quite a while now. Does anyone think I'm out of my mind to want to do this? I am a single mom of a 9 year old girl, I have a full time job. No husband...boyfriend....and do not plan on having anymore children but am still fertile. I've already discussed it with my daughter, and she understands why I want to do it and that the baby will not be ours. She really wants me to do it. Is this nuts? Does anyone know of anyone who has done this?
I think it would definitely help another couple...but the emotional side is what you would have to consider for you and your daughter. Did you have an easy pregnancy? Do you have support when you'll be pregnant? Will your work be effected? Lots to consider, perhaps you should talk to a professional before making this decision. Your daughter is a major factor, will she grow up thinking she has a sibling out there someday? She will also be emotionally attached to the baby you will be carrying.
Good luck in your decisions.
Do they even let you if you are single? It is a great thing to do I would just really think about the lasting affect on yourself and your daughter. I don't think you are out of your mind and only since you asked and if I am being honest I don't think you are crazy, I just don't think you should do this.
hmmm, I was in the nah don't do it camp, since every pregnancy can be different and you might not have as much energy to give to your job or your daughter. But then i started wondering if this is something that pays well or has other monetary benefits, besides the warm fuzzies. If that was the case, where it could help to provide you and your daughter with a bit more comfort in addition to satisfing your need to help someone not blessed by nature then maybe it would be worth it.
I guess i wonder though, Why is this so important for you to do?? If you can ask yourself that and answer it honestly then i think you'll know if it's a good idea or not.
Really think long and hard about it. Take into consideration of possible problems that could prevent you from working and taking care of your daughter and if you can really afford it financially(yes you get a fee but what if you lose your job?) emotionally for you and your daughter.
Family support around?
Might you want to have another child of your own someday? still young enough.
Hi Nichole,
As you thinking about being a surrogate mother for the money or to give someone the blessing of a child?
Will the father of the baby be the sperm donor?
These are the first steps. The next will be to find out about the parents relationship. Will you be able to be involved in the child's life.
You will be the one who will be sacrificing sooooo much. Are you willing to deal with the emotions of the loss you will experience.
As long as you know your motivations and are willing to deal with your pain for a life time.
God Bless you and guide you in your willingness to help a couple have this blessing and this gift of a life.
Donna
Do you mean a traditional surrogate where you are the biological mom of the child or a gestational carrier where it's not your eggs? Personally I'd never be a traditional surrogate. I was a gestational carrier once but as far as I know they won't let you if you are single. You can always contact a few agencies I guess. Also, your BMI has to be low for the fertility clinic to accept you. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Edited to add that the money you receive will not be income as someone else posted. You will not get a W2 or 1099. It will not affect your taxes. I also assumed you are in PA like me, and it is legal here. If you are in another area it may be illegal (like in NY or DC).
I certainly don't think it's "nuts." But I don't think I could do it personally. I'm probably just too emotional to hand the baby over in the end.
I also wouldn't put too much stock into what a 9 year old has to say about the subject. I also don't know if it's a good example (in the long run) to let her see that pregnancy isn't a long-term life commitment thing (?)....know what I mean?
I also had the thought about what if (God forbid) something happened to you due to complications, etc and what would happen to your daughter....
Just some things for you to think about while you're mulling it all over....best of luck to you and your daughter!
NICHOLE and child,
Good for you . If this is in your ' heart' to do this ... PLEASE DO IT ....
#1= make sure you go to a counselor and an attorney to make sure you will not ' change your mind too late'
#2= make this legal @ conception of unborn child.
#3= learn how to 'let go' with your counselor ...[ great depression can set in]
what a choice !
I too, LOVED being pregnant ... I would have had 10 kids if they did not come with a PRICE TAG !!!! this was not an option in the 1970's .
please get NICHOLE and Daughter 'support of the heart strings' [ your daughter may end up cry'n and gett'n mad at you ???]
simply... do this LEGALLY, CAREFULLY select the new family , be healthy [ mind and body] and give away the best gift ...
good luck
My sister's best friend has done this twice. She did it for the $$$, and got paid very well, but frankly, she enjoyed the $$ the first time, then found she was broke again and needed more money, so she did it again. If you are doing it for the money, plan first for how you will spend it and how you will SAVE it. Do not get a big check and blow it. It will also affect your tax status that year, so put a BIG chunk away in the bank so you can pay your taxes without trauma on April 15th. You work in accounting, so I probably don't need to preach this stuff to you, right ? Just plan for the $ on paper, and plan to save a good chunk of it for future emergencies. Pay off your debts, because without debt and interest, you can live much more easily on your own salary.
Then, regarding the pregnancy itself. What my sister's friend did was to insist that both the egg and the sperm belonged to the biological parents. She didn't provide the egg, so the baby WASN'T hers at all. She assumed that the lack of the biological connection would make it a whole lot easier for her to incubate the baby, then return it to the parents at birth. I don't know anythiing about the second child, but with the first, she had a very good relationship with the biological parents, and my sister met them, too.
I wouldn't entertain the idea after 35 or 36, but you're young. (I had two of my own kids around 38-40, and at that point your body just isn't as good at the recovery and weight losing after child-birth, but at 32, if this is something you want to do, think it through, make your best decision, and go with it.)
Good luck !!
I know absolutely NOTHING about the process, but I think you're a great woman to even think about doing this for someone else! I've had three cervical cone biopsies, and have therefore been told my chances of carrying a pregnancy to term are slim to none.
To avoid the stress/pain/trauma of a miscarriage, I had the Essure contraceptive implants put in to block my fallopian tubes. Since it would take a miracle for me to afford surrogacy, I've had to accept that I'll never have biological children of my own.
Talk to a good counselor before you go through any arrangements, because even though a pregnancy wouldn't be your biological child, it may still be hard to give the baby up after nine months of constant attention to it's prenatal needs. I'm also glad you can discuss it with your daughter, because otherwise it could be confusing for her.
Good luck whatever you do, and know that one of the Mamasource women blesses you with her heart for even considering giving another woman this incredible gift. You, and your daughter for supporting you, are both very special women! With a Mom like you, she'll grow up to be a great person.
There has been alot of bad press behind this, but I believe a "few bad apples" caused it. In the end you are helping a couple out, and as long as you can respect their wishes I think it's a wonderful thing to do.
Wonderful! There are many couples who, for various reasons, cannot conceive their own child or carry it to term. You might look into both surrogacy and/or egg donation--would you be willing to carry to term a child which is half your biological material and then give it to the adoptive parents?
Bless you--and a pair of prospective parents will probably bless you, too!
Best of luck,
Liz
God Bless You!! What a wonderful, unselfish thing to do! I'm sure there are alot of couples who want to share in the joy of parenthood.
I only know someone who donated her eggs, which also is a wonderful thing. I just wanted to commend you on your passion to do this. Best of Luck!
There are people in this world meant to be nurses (not me), meant to be daycare workers (not me), meant to be priests (not me), etc.
I think being a surrogate mother is similar. I applaud your desire to do it! You would be helping another mother have a child - like you already have. You know how wonderful it is and if you can help somebody else, then go for it. It seems like you are in the right personal situation for it to work, especially if your daughter is supportive.
If you're doing it for the money though - stop right now. It seems like a good deal - but the money will never be worth the emotional trauma if money is the real reason you're doing it. Having a baby for 9 months, delivering it, and handing it over to somebody else has be to an emotional decision, not a money decision.
Otherwise I think it is a great idea - and you will be rewarded in non-monetary ways far more than you might imagine.
Good luck!
I do not think you are crazy at all. I too have thought about surrogacy. My husband and I are pregnant with our second and want more children so I definately do not want to right this minute but some day.
I think that if you can and are willing to give someone the gift of a child then that is a wonderful thing. THere are so many people in the world who want children and cannont have them and cannot afford the costs of fertility treatments and what not. It would be a wonderful gift.
I say go for it and enjoy every minute of it.
I say DO IT! I've also toyed with the idea but don't know how I'd be w/ giving the baby back to her parents. I'd do it in a heartbeat for somebody I knew and I could have some ties to the baby. I love being pregnant so much that once my family is complete I'm also going to look into it - at least get more information...good luck w/ whatever you decide.
good for you i went through years of treatments to have 3 kids so i say go for it.
tammy
Nichole,
U are not nuts at all!!! I give u over 100% credit, I know it will be very hard for you. I know my hubby and I looked in to it and it was very emotional just getting information on it. I have a 5 year old son and had a very complex delivery that has made me not be able to concieve anymore children. I really wish there were more ladies out there just like u...
Here is a big hug for u!!!
Stacy
I know this was posted a few days ago, but i'm just now getting around to reading it. I just wanted to say i think that is an amazing gift to give someone. I wish you and your daughter all the luck and happiness! :)