Son with speech delay - how to handle comments

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1

My son is speech delayed. His speech right now is targeted at about a 4 y/o (academically and socially tested at 6 yr, 6 -9 mo.) He is 5.

He didn't really start talking well until he was 2 ½ . We started him with a speech pathologist at 18 months. He is now 5 and still in speech 2 days a week. He has made leaps & bounds.

What I cannot take anymore is the comments I get from other parents about his speech delay. My son is tall for his age. He is about the same height as 7 yr old boys. One of the most annoying comments I get is something like "How old is your son?" When I tell them 5 they say "I thought he was 7 he is so tall but he talks like he's 3!" stuff like that. I've even had a mom say that her daughter seems so advanced in her speaking compared to my son. Her daughter is 4.

A Mom, without provocation said to me "My son talked well by a year old because I never talked "baby talk" to him at all. Maybe that's the problem. So many parents make that mistake!" I said neither my DH or I ever spoke baby talk to any of our children and our youngest, Son, is the only one with speech delay. AUGH!!!!

Usually I just smile but I times I feel a knot in my throat. If my son is around and hears them I will smile and just walk away like they didn't say anything at all It seems so mean to say these things even though I know they are not trying to be mean. Are they???

Can you give me some good comebacks?

2

Hi,

I am so sorry people have treated you and your son this way. Others can be sooo cruel! The next time someone says something, I would stop what your doing, look them in the eye and say---wow, what on earth did someone do to you to warrant such a horrible, negative comment! I am so suprised that you as a mother have such disrespect for others and can simply judge without knowing us. I feel really sorry for your parents, they must feel like failures for raising someone like you-without manners! Or something to that effect. Or cut to the chase and say....." Wow, looks like someone really doesn't know how to keep their nose out of other's businesses, didn't you learn that in kindergarten??? Or, " Are you trying to insult me with that comment about my son"? Why don't you pick on someone your own size.... I hope this helps. Try not to let the offender get the best of you--- most likely they aren't trying to be rude but just can't help it because they don't have manners and they speak without thinking!

One other thing-- sometimes it helps to just say-- My son has a speech delay, he was born with it. I wish you wouldn't be such a bitch about it. There is nothing we could have done to prevent this-- please don't ostrasize him for something that he can't help. Your rude and I don't appreciate your comments. Best wishes to you!

M

3

Just say "He has a slight speech delay and is receiving therapy." That should shut them up--or leave them stammering for an apology. How rude!

4

"I like to think he is honing his skills as a good listener."

"Like we really need one more babbler in our society speaking before they think!"

"Well, at least he doesn't suffer from foot-in-mouth disease like some other, thoughtless people."

That's what I got right now, but I may revisit this post later. My son is speech-delayed and autistic. I don't get a lot of the kind of comments you're mentioning, but I am generally bitchy and aloof to most people. Works for me. :-)

5

My son had a speech delay He was also diagnosed with Apraxia of Speech which made him very difficult to understand.

I feel for you because we are in the same situation. You would imagine that another mother would understand since most mothers have to help their children in some way but people are cruel.

Good luck....I work on making sure he knows he has strengths other children his age do not have. This way, he feels good about himself.

6

How about something like....

Yes. I've done research and they say that speech delay is caused by an extremely high intelligence that usually corrects itself as the child gets over. you can think of it as, his mouth can't keep up with the thought process of his brain. Obviously, your child doesn't have that problem.

of course, this may not bode well if you want to remain friends with the parent! I suppose if you wanted to tame down the above, you could try something like this:

While I'm sure you mean well, I'd appreciate you not making comments like that in front of my son. His speech may be delayed, but his intelligence and thought process is not.

Good luck. Sorry you have to deal with such ignorant people.

7

LOL!! Some great responses.

Leslie M., your responses are hilarious.

8

Wow I'm sorry people don't think before they open their mouth! I can understand how you would be annoyed. I wouldn't be able to just smile anymore and keep quiet either. But I don't think they're trying to be mean they just seriously aren't realizing how they sound. I got annoyed even when someone said my daughter is so big for her age and they have the chubbiest 6 month old sitting on their lap! And my daughter is average at that! Anyway to your question, When they ask how old he is and say they thought he was younger, I would respond honestly and in a serious tone and serious look and just say 'he has a speech delay' looking them straight in the face. I'm sure they'll get the message and feel ashamed for making judgments and inappropriate comments. If you find yourself not able to be so upfront, I would just throw some sarcasm in there and say something like 'oh thanks, just what every parent-and child likes to hear!' And look at your son so they know you are referencing that it is inappropriate to talk in front of him. Or 'yeah he has a speech delay just like some adults have a brain delay or thinking before they speak delay'. A little sarcasm goes a long way:) hope this helps and I'm sure your son will catch up and in time and neither of you will have worry about this, good luck!

9

.

10

My son... had a speech delay.
He had, through our local Early Childhood Intervention program, speech therapy from about 19 months old until he was almost 3.

He is now 4.
He is fine now.

BUT... during his time being speech delayed... MANY Moms, would make RUDE comments to me about my son talking/or not/or how he spoke... and they would do it RIGHT IN FRONT of him. Like as though he was a deaf mute.

YES... they ARE being "Mean."

My son, however, had an overall developmental assessment, and he was Advanced in several areas. He is a bright boy and very observant and very cognizant of things, other kids his own age are not. And his vocabulary and usage... is very, ahead of his age.

My son, is ALSO very tall for his age. Always has been tall. At 2 years old, people thought he was 3 or 4. Now at 4 years old, people think he is in 1st grade and 6 years old. For example.

When MOMS gave me those rude comments... I told them, there is NOTHING wrong with him. Einstein... did not even talk until he was 3 years old and he is a GENIUS. I told them, I see NOTHING 'wrong' with my son and he just needs help with talking. He is advanced, for his age.

I/we, never baby-talked to our kids. That has NOTHING to do with speech delays.
AND it has NOTHING to do, with the "Intelligence" of a child. Nothing.

I also told one Mom, she should not say things like that, in FRONT of my son. He is not deaf.
My son is FINE.
AND he is also, Bi-lingual and fluent in both languages. Both in hearing it and speaking it. Even if he was, so called "delayed" in speech.

Oh it just IRKS me... when other Moms, get so Haughty about it... and talk down to a child just because they are speech delayed. As though the child is deaf/dumb/blind and retarded.
Moms.... when they are reacting to a speech delayed child.... can become so mean/competitive/ and such braggarts about their own child.

I know how you feel.

You need to Stand up to them... IN front of your Son... so he does not get a hang-up about it... and insecure.
Give them a retort.. that is calm, pointed and respectful for your son. So that, your SON... will know that NOTHING is "wrong" with him.... and he SEES you stand up for him, ALL PROUD of him.... and that the other person is rude and inappropriate.
That is Why... when other Mom's told me things like that in FRONT of my son... I stood up to them. I will not... let my Son, think I was 'ashamed' of him or that I 'agreed' with that Woman.... by not saying anything.

Don't cower to people like this... be PROUD of your son, and let him see you, defend him. Don't be ashamed.

all the best,
Susan

11

If it's someone you know and will continue to interact with, you could go with "Yes, he has a speech delay and he's been working so hard at Speech Therapy. We're extremely proud of the progress he's made. We're told he's so intelligent that working with him is really enjoyable!" If it's someone you don't know and will possibly not have to deal with in the future, go with something like "That's a bit rude and presumptuous of you, don't you think?" It just might embarrass them enough to hold their tongue the next time.

12

Wow i thought i was the only one i have a 5 year old too and he looks like a 7 or 8 year old. I get the same reactions when i tell them the age. I had people say rude comments as well i learn to ignore them because nobody know's anything about my situtation. Be strong for you and your son just don't let anybody bring you down from rude comments or by anything. Because no matter what thats your son.. You don't have to feel like your the only one i go threw it all the time. Just keep practicing with him reading books make it fun he'll get better put faith into god will fix it. :)

13

Give them a shocked look and say "What makes you think it is polite to point out that my child has a diagnosed speech delay? He is an intelligent five year old who already knows better than to be so rude. " If they give you the baby talk line tell them nicely "sorry I only take opinions and advise from liscensed speech therapists, are you one?"

14

I'm likely to be a smarta** and say "you should hear him swear, those words are as clear as day!" ;)

So many people don't think before they speak, that's another point to bring up.."he's thinking before he speaks, sounds like you could learn a thing or two from him!"

Or tell them he will be a professional athlete and make more money than their little early talker ever will :)

I've had my share of blunt and rude people say things about me or my kids before, and I find that a little sarcasm will shut most people up pretty quick. If it's someone you see regularly, maybe explain to them how he's doing and what you're doing and that it hurts your feelings when they compare or give suggestions. With suggestions, you can also tell them "I'll be sure to mention that to his doctor and/or speech therapist". Or ask them when they became a doctor or speech therapist ;)

15

In response to, ""My son talked well by a year old because I never talked "baby talk" to him at all. Maybe that's the problem. So many parents make that mistake,"

You might say, (sarcastically) "Now I know speech delays are completely preventable. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Much more helpful than speech therapy!"

It really peeves me off to hear how disrespectful these parents have been, especially (!) in front of your son. How completely invalidating. I loved S.H.'s advice about telling the parents off and with respectful clarity, in front of your son. Much more mature than mine ;) Leslie's responses cracked me up!

Good luck.

16

Tell them, "At least my son doesn't say hateful nasty things about other people's children. You could learn from him."

17

OK - serious!?

Here's what you say....."oh, no he's 5. By the way, when is your baby due?"

Or similiar. I'm not one to get confrontational and I'd NEVER say anything inappropriate but you deserve to have a little fun at their expense. So - either say something totally off the wall or be honest. "Really? Did you just say that outloud? Gosh, I don't know how to respond."

18

I am so sorry people have been so rude. I would have responded with something like "we are a aware of his speech delay but thanks for pointing it out". Another option is "Yes, isn't it amazing what wide ranges are considered normal....he looks and thinks like a 7 years old but he's only 5!"

19

I'm so sorry. I am thankful I've actually never had that problem, at least that I can recall, at least after they realized that he is developmentally delayed, etc. They've always apologized as soon as they found out but even when someone has said something along those lines, it's never been confrontational like some of the women you mentioned. That is angering. >.<

My son has a speech delay as well. It was diagnosed when he was 3 but we didn't start services until he was 4. He's had the same speech therapist for over 5 years and sees her once a week; he absolutely LOVES her. He also sees another one at school. He has such an awesome school with a wonderful support network in place. I would concentrate on building that for your son and just don't hang around the women that behave like that. Especially if he can hear it. That will damage his self esteem big time and they already have such a hard time of it.

Big hugs.

20

Watch Forrest Gump again ... walk around with a box of CRAPPY chocolates disgused in a good chocolates box and say ... life is like a box of chocolates you never know which one you are going to get ... chocolate? and offer them one :)