I have 2-week-old and a 21-month-old boys. The 2-week-old has just began crying several hours a day. My oldest had issues with colick, so I know that this will not last forever. Though, if anyone knows of any miracle cures, I'm all ears!
My main issue is this: This 2-week-old little darling will not sleep at night unless I am holding him. I need advice on this. Cry it out methods need not reply, I'm not going there with a newborn. I have been sleeping on the couch at night, trying to get him to at least sleep in the swing, instead of in my arms. It works about 1/2 the night. He did have days and nights mixed up, but is starting to sort of get re-oriented. I have started waking him every 2 hours during the day to bf. He was sleeping all his long stretches during the day and waking every hour at night. (Oh, and he'll sleep anywhere during the day... he just has a holding issue at night.) My mom suggested I work on his sleeping/eating schedule prior to getting him out of my arms at night. Although... I am, of course, very concerned about the safety of this situation. I can't even lay him down next to me... he will be awake within a view minutes and crying.
With a toddler, I can't just sleep while baby is sleeping. I'm sure many of you sympathize. I am getting thoroughly exhausted and need some good, non-judgemental advice. Thanks!
For colic take him to the chiropractor, it worked for me and I've seen it work for at least 10 other people! And maybe swaddling will help with the holding issue? My newborn wouldn't sleep without being swaddled tight and having her sound machine (the sleep sheep) on for weeks.
T J gave you some good advice.
The only thing I'd add is to have him sleep in his car seat placed on the floor near you. We did this for our oldest and she had horrible time sleeping. The more upright position helped her tummy. I felt more comfortable with her in her seat than other options. It also has a comforting cradling effect. A adjustment by the chiropractor could help. The babies are all cramped up for months and then contort their way out into the world. I'd need an adjustment after that.
I hope this helps you get some sleep.
hard to think of good advice, some kids just don't sleep much, but one thing you probably shouldn't be doing is sleeping with him on the couch. that is very unsafe. i have a horror story about that but i won't share. Have you tried a co-sleeper? Or maybe a bouncy chair on the floor next to your bed? If you feel like you absolutely have to sleep next to him, either get the cosleeper or bring him to your bed. It's much safer than the couch.
I remember going through this with my son, now 3 1/2, who was colicky. It was really hard, and all I can say is that it didn't last forever. It helped to talk to other parents who also had sleep and colic issues. Advice from parents whose babies were not challenging this way can just be frustrating and make you feel like a failure, because all their babies responded to things that yours do not. My husband and I would take turns holding and sleeping in shifts. He would stay up til 1 or 2 am and I would try to go to bed early, then I'd get up with the baby and he'd go to bed. It was sooo hard while it lasted, but thankfully it doesn't last too long in the grand scheme of things. Keep trying with the swing, I know people who have had that work for them. Personally the bouncy seat and carseat were useless with my son. Swaddling tightly and white noise made a small difference at that age. Pacifiers, if we could keep it in his mouth, also helped a bit. Nothing really gave us much sleep until he just grew out of it though, gradually started sleeping more at night and being awake more in the day, and then we sleep-trained him at around 5 months of age. I was completely desperate by then.
Another thought is to see if you have anyone who can take your older son during the day for a few hours, then you can sleep while the baby sleeps.
Clearly one pp didn't read your question completely, because you never said you were sleeping on the couch with the baby. Anyway, my heart goes out to you, I know how hard it is, and I hope you find some things that help. I could be in your shoes in a few months with my third baby, I'm just hoping and praying he's a good sleeper, because my older two are BUSY during the day, and I anticipate being dead on my feet.
With my daughter, now 15 months, we had her in a bassinet in our room near my side of the bed. We kept her there until 1) she outgrew it at about 6 months old, and 2) we'd wake each other up with normal bedtime tossing and turning.
At two weeks old cry it out is out the window, he's waaaaaaaayy too little/young. So I'm not going there. There is, however, something that he needs that he's not getting, hence the fussing.
Another thing I've heard about, but never used, is a contraption that will hook, somehow, to the side of your bed so you're co-sleeping, but don't have the little on in bed with you. I'm not a big fan of co-sleeping, just because I was afraid that I'd squish my poor kids if I tried that. It might work for you though.
How much does he get held during the day? I know that both of my kids loved to be held and cuddled during the day, and I didn't have much problem getting them to sleep at night. Again, at two weeks he's still trying to figure out who this blurry thing in front of his face while he eats is.
Best of Luck and I hope things sort themselves out soon.
Hope this helps,
Melissa
I just thought of this after I hit the send button. Maybe carry him around the house in one of those baby bjorn/snugli carriers so he's close the the familiar sounds of your heartbeat and your voice.
First, congratulations on your new little one! We also have an almost 2 week old too so I totally relate to your exhaustion. :) My oldest son had colic when he was a baby, and I learned to sleep sitting up cause that is the only position that he was comfortable in. Have you tried gas drops? I know that they make homeopathic colic tablets too that you can buy at any local store. Our little girl is the same way at night. While I don't have to hold her, she doesn't sleep well unless she's in bed with us. I co-slept with my 3rd child, and I loved it so I don't mind so much, but it can get trying. Have you tried swaddling him at night? Maybe that might help if you aren't currently doing that. I hope you find something that works. Good luck.
Someone mentioned to try having the baby sleep in the carseat next to your bed. Gave me major flashbacks since I had a child that wouldn't sleep unles nursing on me and he wouldn't lay next to me in a bed so even if I wanted to co-sleep I couldn't. I knew I couldn't let him sleep on me at night so we tried everything and read every sleep book. The carset worked for a while and so did swaddling. We ended up resorting to having him sleep in his swing for the first 5 months of his life. He still got up constantly to nurse but the swing was the only way I could lay him down after nursing and get him to stay asleep for even a few hours. The one thing that saved us (in addition to letting him sleep in his swing) was the CD "For Crying Out Loud". We had a CD playing in his room that could play a song on repeat mode all night and we played the vacuum song on that CD all night long. There are other CDs out there just like that one with strange, soothing sounds like vacuums and hairdriers (both worked for us). Let me know if you want to know where you can find those CDs. I waited until 5 months before making my child cry it out and we only did it then because we had to get him out of the swing and into the crib and there wasn't anything else that would work. Thus, it's too early for you to worry about "crying it out" and I hope your child can respond to other ways to get him to sleep in the crib. Right now you just have to do what will "safely" work for you and there isn't any easy fixes here. You may have to do something that doesn't seem like the safest solution, like letting the baby sleep in a swing. You just need to find a solution that is as safe as possible and that will allow you to sleep. If people offer you an easy fix then they never had a baby with major sleep issues. Just hold onto hope that it will get better. I thought I would NEVER be able to say that because my son would only nap on me or in the baby bjorn with me standing or walking and I was a jack-in-the box at night since he woke so much. I can't imagine doing it while taking care of a toddler. Try the sound CDs. I had the hairdryer and vacuum going in the house all the time until I found the CD. They were some times the only thing that would help my son calm down and help him stay asleep.
There is a miracle cure...drive straight to the book store today and buy the book "the happiest baby on the block" by Harvey Karp, MD. It explains exactly why your baby is crying and how to stop it everytime and it all makes perfect sense.
It was the only thing that kept me sane and is now the only gift I give at baby showers.
My heart goes out to you. I remember those days all too well and my youngest is four now. There are times when you wonder if you will just go completely insane.
Your husband needs to help you out here. Have him take the baby and toddler for a couple of hours so you can get some sleep. It seems at this point in motherhood, you need to be in 'survival mode'.
You can't realistically expect to get your newborn to get on a schedule until he's around 2-3 months old.
My son was VERY colicky and hard for me to bond with at first.
It turned out, when he was 10 weeks old, he we discovered he had a urinary tract infection. Talk to your pediatrician, just to rule out any other causes for your newborn crying for such long periods. It could just be colic, but better safe than sorry.
I can tell you, this too shall pass, but it seems like forever when you are living it.
Give yourself breaks. Go for a walk alone. There is no harm in letting someone else hold your son while he cries. If all his needs are met (he's fed, changed, etc...) let someone else care for him for short periods. It will make you a better mom.
I want to offer you some support because I went through the exact same thing last summer when my 2nd was born, and I had a 20-month old, as well. The total exhaustion is hard to even describe. It can bring you to tears. My daughter would not sleep at all unless I was holding her. I even slept for a while with her in the sling, so I could relax at night a little bit. After about 3 weeks of that, I bought a glider that would go back and forth at a pretty good rate, and she actually slept in that at night, right next to the bed. She would never sleep in the swing. I swaddled her really tightly, and she would just glide back and forth. She still woke frequently, actually she didn't sleep well until about 10 months old, when she started walking.
It has been a huge challenge with her. She hasn't followed the "books", which my son did very well. He slept through the night at 2 months old and was on a perfect schedule and actually liked his crib from day 1. But my daughter is just wired differently. I worked slowly and steadily to better her schedule and get her to sleep better and more independently, and now she's pretty good.
I just want to let you know that it will get better, but this year will be very tough. Kids this age need so much attention, and it's hard to divide it between a needy toddler and a needy infant. But I'm sure you're doing the absolute best you can and it will work out. You will make it, but don't be afraid to reach out to friends/family for help and support.
He probably desires the feeling he had when he was in the womb again. I would strongly suggest using a swaddler, or swaddling him with a blanket; they sell "Swaddlers" online and in stores such as Fred Meyer. They're great; and they really do the trick. Wrap him tight in the swaddler, then breastfeed him to sleep. I did this with my second, and it worked great. I'll pray that God will allow this to work.
I don't know how you'll find the time to work at home, taking care of a toddler and a newborn! I had both at the exact same ages! It's exhausting just taking care of the kids!
Hi Cyndi, I feel for you. I went through a similar thing with my now 8 month old. It turned out he had GERD. I started co-sleeping with him, it was too hard with a 2 year old and I gave in (and was nervous the whole time, baby slept great, mom not so much). There is a book called the "No Cry Sleep Solution". Hang in there, go with what your heart tells you and what feels right, get help from family and friends so you can sleep during the day. It will end, he's only 2 weeks old and really new to all of this, he just knows he needs mommy. I also tried swaddling him in the shirt I wore during the day so he had my scent - it did help some nights, not all.
Good luck and take advantage of all help offered so you can sleep during the day.
Elizabeth C
At 2 weeks old it is OK to let him sleep on your chest. Anything that helps everyone get the most sleep possible. Learning to sleep alone will come later...
I worked in Labor and Delivery before my two children were born (2 year old and 9 month old) and one thing that helps with newborns is swaddling. Since it's summer you'll have to find a VERY light blanket (a sarong works perfectly since they are so light, or else just make sure it's a light breathable baby blanket) also once baby is asleep and you place him in his bassinet it helps to have a rolled up blanket or towel on one side or both sides of him. Not squishing him, just providing a feeling that something is there, that's always reassuring for a newborn. You can also try tipping him slightly to one side or another (very slightly) with one of the rolled up blankets, the hospital did that with my baby and it worked wonders!
I have a 4 month old girl and a 18 month old girl. My older one was one of those perfect babies that you lay down and they just go to sleep. So imagine my surprise when girl #2 was nothing like that! She was better during the day, but at night she only wanted to be held or nursed. She would cry if I layed her down - and yes, I agree that you should NOT ever let a newborn cry it out. And the swing did not work - it just made her cry harder.
Finally after a couple weeks of me getting no sleep my husband took her for a drive so I could get a little sleep in silence. She fell asleep after him driving for probabaly 30 minutes. When he came home, he left her in the car seat and put it on the floor on my side of the bed. Miracle of miracles, she actually slept for 4 hours straight in it. I think sitting up a little was more comfortable for her than laying down flat in a crib. After a couple weeks of the car seat, we were able to transition her to a bouncy seat with vibration which seemed to soothe her.
I also noticed that at night she would seem so hungry and nurse really well for a couple of minutes, but then she was also so tired that she would fall asleep before eating enough. We started giving her a little bottle of formula right before bed and it seemed like she was able to eat enough to keep her satisfied longer before falling asleep.
Another thing I'm a big fan of is a schedule. I know a lot of people think it's crazy, but even a very small baby can respond well to a schedule. If you keep the same routine & time of bath, feeding, bedtime every evening it really makes a difference. I did this with mine and now at 4 months she sleeps 10 hours straight every night and takes 2 naps during the day. She sleeps in a co-sleeper bassinet next to me.
She is very happy and alert during her waking times. I don't have to fight to get her to sleep now either. She knows the routine and now will go to sleep on her own when I lay her down at the same time every night. 8:30 works perfect for us. I have some time to do a few things around the house and talk to my hubby before going to bed.
Keep being patient. I know what it's like to feel like a zombie during the day, oh and I can still tell you every infomercial that is on late night. :) It will get better. I promise!
Hi Cyndi,
Have you heard of Dr. Harvey Karpp? He talks about the 4th trimester being out of the womb and the importance of swadling. He has a great video out and it shows 3methods of how to gently get your new born to stop crying. We used it with our twins and it worked wonders.
Mary
You didn't state if you were breastfeeding or if it is specific times of the day where your son screams. I'm a mom of twins not a toddler and an infant so my situation is a little different. But my son was a big screamer. We found that it was one of 3 things. Gas in which case I used Gripe Water (purchase at pharmacy at Target, Natural section at Fred Meyers, New Season's or Whole Foods), overstimulation, or hungry. So to fix the overstimulation, I would wear him in a carrier. use something soft and comfy a sling or moby wrap are my personal favorites. they were comfy enough for my son to sleep but also for me to sleep with them on as well. So I would put him in one and my daughter in the other and go for a walk. Within 20 minutes they would both be asleep. The nice thing about a sling is you can leave the baby in the sling when you take it off and it will retain some warmth and your smell and hopefully allow you to take it off and have him still sleep. Hunger is pretty obvious so I'll leave it at that.
I co-sleep with my two and love it. At first yes it was a little scary but you really get used to where you can roll and where you can't. So on nights where there was no way I could sleep without him physically on me, I would wrap him in the moby walk till he fell asleep and then wear him to bed.
Hi Cyndi - Are you still bundling him really tightly with a blanket? Or there are the kinds cut to size with with velcro fasteners. My daughter couldn't sleep any other way until she was about 4 or 5 months old. You must be so tired, I'm sorry - good luck.