Moms - I need your help. Both my husband's father and his cousin have Asperger's, but don't seek any treatment. My husband's aunt pretty much burries her head in the sand and isn't much help. Here's the deal...
My son is a very talkative, high-energy child. He is also very affectionate, so he doesn't have the typical autism signs (of course there is no such thing as typical autism). He does have some behaviors that concern me. First, he gets in to trouble at daycare a lot for hitting, taking toys, etc. Second, he loves Hot Wheels and Disney cars. He lines them up and makes them in to shapes, like airplanes. He does drive them around, but pretty much only when my husband or I play with him. Another concern I have is that he's a hand flapper. When he gets upset, he flaps his hands during his tantrums. Lastly, he hates change. We have to set a timer to warn him that we're going to change from one activity to another. The last two nights, he refused to clean-up his toys before bed. I put him in time-out. Since we were trying to get him to go to bed, I cleaned up his toys while he was in his room. He completely freaked out when he came back and all his toys were put away. From talking to my husband's Mom, she says that my husband, who is an only child, did all the same things when he was that age, so to her everything is completely normal. All of the 'weird' behaviors are amplifications of what I have always considered my husband's idiosyncrasies. So talking to my husband about it is difficult. He keeps joking that now I understand that he was born this way, but doesn't think anything is 'wrong' with our son.
So are there any Mom's out there that have kids with the same types of behaviors? Is this normal? Am I being paranoid? Another question, my son sees a family doctor, not a pediatrician. Are they equipped to watch for the signs of autism or should I take my son to a peds dr.?
Your not paranoid, you're a caring mother. There are so many variations of "normal". Hitting and taking toys at this age is pretty normal. My son (now almost 7) used to line up cars and shoes at around that age too. My son is also high eneregy. Both my kids have also freaked out after I have cleaned up what I perceived to be a mess, but they perceived to be some fantastic creation of toys they had made. I have had concerns about my son that I asked his Ped. She said that as long as he is not in an uncontrollable state of hyperness for the Majority of the day, then he is just a "normal" boy. He is also extremely smart - in 1st grade and reads at a 4th grade level. The hand flapping might just be his outlet for frustration right now. I would watch these things as he grows, but for the most part, they are probably just part of his personality. And I do prefer my children to see a pediatrician.
Hi Lisa,
It could be nothing, but on the other hand it wouldn't hurt to have him checked out. He sounds a lot like my friends little boy. Her little boy will be turning 5 in two weeks and he is not potty trained yet. Does both in his pants and has no problem with it. He talks good and knows things that most kids his age would not know. He is a tv freak. If a cartoon is on he will be glued to the tv and if you call him he will not flinch unless you turn off the tv. He does the flapping thing when he is excited or upset (which is VERY often). He hates crowds and he freaks out about certain things like if his hamburger has a spec on it or if it is not a perfect circle...stuff like that. He'll scream and throw a huge tantrum. My friend has a real hard time with him and so she is taking him to be seen by an autism specialist just to be sure. I can get more information from her if you'd like. I also have a friend who has a severe autistic child and she may know who to talk to also. Hope this helps..
Lisa,
I don't know that much about autism or aspergers but your son's behavior sounds rather normal for a two and a half year old. Maybe the fact that aspergers runs in the family has you more concerned, and he is your only child so there is no one else to compare him to. My son also liked to line up his little tractors all the time, he put them in a row on top of the television everyday just before I came home from work. He was also a biter at that age and after awhile he stopped doing that. It is normal for Moms to have concerns and even fears. You might try taking him to a pediatrician and having a complete check up done just to put your fears to rest. I for one am more inclined to say use a pediatrician for little children because that is what they specialize in. A couple years after my older son had a massive tumor removed from his thigh, I was convinced my younger son had one growing too. I even went so far as to have an MRI done just to put my fears to rest. He was fine, a little mad at me for running away with my worries, but he was fine. It happens, you just need to get the proof that nothing is wrong and then you can get on with life. It's good to be so tuned to your child that you notice the little nuances of his personality. Good luck,
Sue
my son will be 3 in june. i also had concerns @ 18months. i had him evaluated by 2 neurologist and then with early on.he was diagnosed as high functioning autism. hes signs for me were: line all his toys and getting where he just play with 1 thing, covering his eyes, tatrums,speech(which now is fine), sensory issues. The way i thought, is i wanted to know one way or another. so i could get him help early. please contact me if you have any other questions. christy
My daughter is PDD-NOS, long story short she is in the autistic spectrum but very high functioning. my daughters favorite things are animals--she plays with them for hours and can never have to many and she has to put them away in her special drawers or she freaks, certain animals have to be with other certain animals.
I know alot of the questions I was asked when I took her to the drs were:
does she make and maintain eye contact, which was a no for my daughter.
does she flap her hands or make the same motions over and over with any part of her body when she is stressed, which was yes she uses the same two fingers to play with her ear lobes.
does she talk to/with people, my daughter does and is very vocal
does she deal with change well, which is a huge NO.
does she sleep through out the night, have trouble falling asleep and/or staying asleep, my daughter slept fine.
did she have trouble with her bowl movement, which she still gets consipated easily
I know there were more but I can not think of them off the top of my head--anyway, I would talk to your family dr that sees your son regularly because he can run some test (which in the begining is mostly quesions that you have to answer and fill out over and over again about how your son reacts in certain situations) and see if your concerns even warnt further testing--I took my daughter to a ped and still ended up having to take her to a specialist (2 different ones) that deals with autism on a regular basis. good luck and if you have any further questions I will do my best to help you, I know it is very stressful dealing with and trying to figure out if there is anything else you need to do to help your child grow to be a happy and healthy little person
It all sounds pretty typical to me. I'm not sure about the hand flapping but the rest all seems normal. Good luck.
My daughter does not have autism, although she does have ADHD, ODD, IED, Bi-Polar1, with impulse control problems. My husbands mother and sister have Bi-Polar disorder. My husband was admit that nothing was wrong with our daughter. Her therapist told us that may be the reason he didn't see her problems is because he grew up with his mother having the same problems. Also no parent wants to believe that there is something wrong with their child. Although mom's seem to know with out being told that something is there. So be honest with yourself your husband will come around. So will the rest of the family that thinks your child is "perfect". It is a hard bite to chew when there is something wrong. Just follow what you believe, and fight hard to find out what is there. Good Luck
You're NOT being paranoid.
There may not be anything WRONG w/ him.
You can have Early On screen him if you're worried.
Take it from one mom who has an autistic child -- therapy and intervention can make your child WORSE. We made some mistakes along the way and made the autism worse.
E-mail me privately if you'd like to talk.
P.
There is nothing wrong with family doctors we all use them and a lot of us love them. But nothing compares to a pediatrician when it comes to care for our little ones. A pediatrician sees children all day every day they know what is normal and what isn't. That is there specialty and you know you are getting the best care possible. Your child, at least until in kindergarten and in my opinion older, should be seeing a pediatrician; hands down.
These all may or may not be signs. To take your concerns one at a time,
First: the daycare, if he isn't hitting and stuff at other places, you might want to look into what is going on in the daycare. The caregivers might not be disciplining. You son might just be frustrated about kids taking the toys that he is playing with. Hitting is normal for this age, but it is important to nip it in the bud right away (my guess is that if he doesn't do it when he is with kids at your house, then there is a kid at daycare that is bullying him, or is hitting him, and he needs some advice on how to handle this better.
Second: lining up toys and only playing with them when you or your husband will play too seems pretty normal to me too. I have 3 kids and they all started to make patterns, etc at about this age.
Third: I have seen arm flapping pretty regularly. I would think that if it is only when he gets really frustrated (like when they get hurt and the breathe gets stuck-how else do you say that) and that's the only time, not something he does to comfort himself just something he does in the middle of a tantrum, then it's pretty normal. But if he does it at the slightest provocation, it would seem a little more concerning.
Fourth: Hating change is a big thing with toddlers. They get really absorbed and it seems to me that having the timer is a great tool to handle normal toddler behavior. It helps them to disconnect a little at a time and not be ripped away from what they are doing (I love the snooze on my alarm clock). I have always noticed that some kids change from one activity to another easier than others, but all toddlers have trouble with this to some degree.
Fifth: At this age kids are starting to "play with things and leave them where they are to come back to them" So you may have messed up his imaginary castle, etc. If he has advanced verbal skills, ask him if there is a reason that he doesn't want to pick up. My daughter one told me that her princess doll was hiding in the cave (all I saw was a bunch of toys), and maybe he will show you which toys to leave out and he will pick up the rest.
OR
he jsut wants more controll, which is totally normal for this age.
Seems like terrible twos to me
BUT
If you are concerned, then get him checked, but have someone who is a specialist do the evaluation. You might even want to take a video of him while he is exibiting the behaviors so that they know exactly what your concerns are.
Good luck and God Bless.
You won't know if your child has a problem unless you get him checked out by a pediatrician/autism specialist. Many of the other responders offered to help with information and referrals, please take them up on that. The other situation that I see, is that whatever happens with your child, youare nto going to get any support from yoru hsuband and his family. Let me ask you this: if heart disease ran in your husband's family, but they chose to ignore it, and you saw symptoms in your chid, would you seek treatment, or ignore it because that side of the family thought it was normal to have heart disease and die early? OF course not! This is no different. Their version of normal, is, for lack of a better term, abnormal, and your insights regarding that are right on. That is also going to be a source of conflict between you and them, so be prepared. You are strong. Ask your husband, if he wants his son to struggle through the same things he and his family members struggled with, or do you want it easier for him because there are things that can help him. Be strong, you sound very smart and right on. Follow your instincts, and don't add to the dysfunction of his family. Stop asking their opinion. They may not want to admit this diagnosis of their own, but that is their problem, not yours.
The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and exhale. :) All of the things you mentioned sound like a normal kid to me. My son did those things and he is fine. If it runs in your family, you might want to seek expert advice though. I know I am super-sensative to my husband drinking because his dad was an alcoholic. Same response probably as you are having.
Hang in there!
Sheri
I think you described both of my kids to a "T"! My 3 year old will line cars up, or put things in order for hours. Neither of my kids like to switch activities or help out with picking up. As far as hitting, and taking toys, I haven't met a kid yet that doesn't do that. I was also a little concerned about my son who is 18 months because he is doing the same thing as your child, however, once I looked at the big picture I realized he is okay. My son is also a hand flapper, I just laugh at him now and he usually stops. I would keep an eye on your child, but wouldn't be too concerened :)
Sounds like my boys! He's fine!
i really don't know anything about autism, but i wanted to say that after my kids have seen a pediatrician their whole lives, i would never just take them to a family doc. the pediatricians (well the ones we've been to, only 2 b/c the first was awesome and moved to NY to head a dept) seem to be much more in tune to my kid's needs and so far the pediatricians are much more concerned and intuitive to my kids 'stuff' than any family doc has ever been with me, and i've had about a half dozen or more docs in my life. i'm a big believer in specialists, anyways. you could always just try a pediatrician and see how it goes, you don't really have anything to lose!
best wishes to you & your son!!
btw, your son could just be going thru a phase with the tantrums and not having things done the way HE wants them. it seems EVERYTHING is a power struggle with toddlers/preschoolers! i found making VERY clear the 'house rules' and me following through with everything everytime (with both positive feedback and punishments) that my kids are much more cooperative b/c they know what to expect with all their actions. but, you also have to trust your gut instinct! that's the biggest thing i've learned since becoming Mom. :)
If it were me, I'd have him evaluated. Anytime there's anything weird, you can usually save time by going to Children's Hospital, or if you're closer to Ann Arbor, Mott. The other place is your county intermediate school district's preschool prevention program. I had my daughter evaluated at Children's at 4 and, though she was a handful and often surprised and frustrated me, she is now a physician and her ADHD seems to work for her. Go figure! She's a wonderful person but was a realt trip to raise and quite unlike my other 3.
It never hurts to get him evaluated. I would suggest the school system. If yours has an Early Intervention program, they will evaluate for free. Also, if he needs services, they can get him in classes. My son has been with the ECSE since he was 20 months old and it was the best decision I've ever made. He should go to kindergarten in the fall on schedule.
Cheryl H.
As a mom of 6 (and one of them still a toddler) AND someone who knows a bit about autism, I have to say that this sounds pretty normal.
I don't think you are being paranoid at all. Naturally you would be watching your child for signs of autism considering his family history. So, because you are looking for it, you match up a lot of his behaviors with signs of autism. A lot of what you describe is pretty typical for a kid his age. It's possible he has autism, but if you basing solely on those things it is a little soon to draw that conclusion. I would suggest you keep watching him and see if anything more concerning comes up. If it is making you crazy, maybe you should get him checked out. You should definitely trust your instincts here.
As for the Dr., I strongly recommend switching him to a Pediatrician. With my first child, I just took her to a family doctor for a couple of years. I switched to a pediatrician when my second child was an infant. I had liked the family doctor and thought she did a great job but had been having a lot of trouble making appointments for sick kids. Then, I was amazed at the difference with a pediatrician's exam. They did a MUCH more thorough assessment of my kids' development - things the family doctor just didn't ask about. I am sure they would be better equipped to diagnose an autistic child.
Good luck and keep us updated!