We often teach our kids not to hit, not to lie, not to be mean—but do we teach them not to hate?
Psychologists offer powerful insights into how hate develops—and how we might prevent it from taking root in the first place. Their research shows that hate often grows out of humiliation, powerlessness, and exclusion—feelings that kids may quietly internalize unless we show them another way.
Here’s what parents should know:
- Hate is different from anger.
Anger says: That behavior hurt me and I want it to stop.
Hate says: That person is unchangeably bad. Kids learn the difference when we model forgiveness, accountability, and emotional repair.
- Hate thrives when kids feel powerless.
Repeated shame or harsh punishment can lead children to see others—or even themselves—as “bad” rather than “capable of change.”
- Group hate doesn’t require personal experience.
Children may learn to hate people they’ve never met, simply by hearing adults use dehumanizing or stereotypical language about groups.
What can parents do?
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Teach empathy early. Help kids name others’ feelings, even when those feelings are hard or unfamiliar.
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Model emotional repair. Show your child how to apologize—and how to forgive.
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Avoid labeling others as “bad people.” Focus on behavior, not identity.
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Expose kids to diversity. The more real people they know, the harder it is to reduce others to caricatures.
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Talk about justice. Let your child process unfairness without escalating into hate. Guide them to channel frustration constructively.
Children look to us to understand how to handle pain, difference, and conflict. Let’s teach them that anger can be healed—and that hate doesn’t have to grow.
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Reference:
Fischer, A. H., Halperin, E., Canetti, D., & Jasini, A. (2018). Why we hate. Emotion Review, 10(4), 309–320. LinkedIn