I have read up on every philosophy, and have beens so frusterated trying to figure out the best way to put baby down to sleep. Right now the easy way is to rock her, carry her, give her a pacifier. We have tried letting her cry it out, but it is to stressful for us. We have tried following the philopsophy of the "Baby Whisperer" book where we put her down and let her self soothe with our help but that doesn't work. Finally I have decided to go back to the old school rocking and holding her until she falls asleep. However, so much of what I read says she'll become dependent on me to sleeps and it isn't good. I realize every baby is different, but what like some ideas on what others did. Did it work for you in the end? Did rocking or holding your baby until he/she falls asleep really make life difficult as they got older?
Any suggestions would be great.
Having a new baby can be so stressful. We are so worried about doing the right things. If soothing your baby to sleep by rocking her feels right, then it probably is. At such a young age your baby is certainly not ready to cry it out. What I have done with all three of mine is soothe them to sleep by nursing, rocking etc until they are 4-6 months old at which point I let them learn to self soothe by crying them out. It has been very successful with all three. At that age they are capable of putting themselves to sleep so the crying is typically manageable. If that is too harsh for you, there are many other ways to do it. I highly recommend a book called Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Weisbluth. It has been the best resource for me and helps you understand the stages they go through so you know what to expect and what a baby is ready for. I wish you luck, and try not to stress out. Just help your little baby to sleep until you are ready to do otherwise. There truly will be no real harm done.
Alane
Are you swaddling? When my now 6 month old was brand new she responded very well to swaddling and we even "double swaddled" her in a blanket followed by a velcro Kiddapotomus (sp?) At such a young age I don't think you need to worry about her becoming dependant on your help. At the age your daughter is we would rock/shhh/hold her and when we introduced a pacifier (about 3 wks) we used that as well. There were even some desperate nights where I would have my husband put her on me after he tried rocking her and we let her fall asleep (swaddled) on my chest and then moved her to her cosleeper! Eventually (I think around 5-6 weeks) she would just go down awake in her swaddle with the pacifier and then fall asleep on her own, usually spitting out the pacifier after a minute or so. Now she always goes down for naps and bedtime awake, with no pacifier, and without our help...the early soothing didn't cause any long-term problems. Good luck!
We read the books too, and decided that letting our son figure out how to fall asleep was what we believed in. Hearing your little person cry is hard, and honestly makes my heart race, more so than my hubby's. But for us, we figured getting our son to sleep on his own in his own bed was going to be a challenge, whether it occurred at birth, at two, or at five. We decided it would be easier on us to do it from the start. Thankfully, it only took a couple weeks, and now he goes to bed on his own (he's eight months now) every night, and most naps, too, without any fuss. Plus, if he fell asleep in our arms, it was soo hard to put him down without waking him. Now, when he wakes up over night, sometimes we hear him moving around, or he'll turn on his music box, and he goes back to sleep on his own. We're really pleased that we stuck it out and kept trying. Good Luck.
I read every book available and when I finally had my son all the knowlrdge and wisdom went out the window. I loved every moment of rocking and even laying beside my children;still do now. I have a 5 and 2 year old. Do what makes you happy. My children sleep in my bed sometimes and I don't mind a bit. Enjoy all the closeness you can get cause they grow up so fast. Do what feels right. It won't hurt them a bit. It is nice not having kids in your bed all the time, but someday they won't even be in my house, and I'll always have the memory of their little breaths and little smell and little noices. Makes me smile just thinking of it.
I remember reading all the books. I made up my own rules when it came to sleep training but endured the first 6 months. I still nurse/rock to sleep at 15 months, the difference is that now I miss it when my husband puts the baby down. I love that sweet time I had with him and wish I never worried once. They figure out bedtime eventually. He actually reaches for his crib now! Thats bigtime for a cosleeping, breastfed toddler. Dont worry, be happy and get a good rocker!!!
I swaddle my baby, feed her, and sing her a lullaby and she drops off til about 7 am. I tried the baby whisperer routine stuff but I was going out of my mind. Anna just didn't want to nap so much etc. We were both miserable. Just follow your babies cues. As long as you are both healthy and sane is all that matters at this point. You can work on any possible bad habbits later. Hang in there, it does get better before you know it!
Christine-
Every baby is different - for my first one, I had to hold and rock her to sleep each night. Everyone kept telling to let her cry it out - but she would cry for an hour or more and never stop!! It didn't make her more depended as she grew older. In fact, she's my best sleeper and has no problem going to sleep on her own.
My son, and second child, soothed himself almost from the beginning. So, he was easy. I'd feed him and lay him down and he'd be out!
Don't worry about what "they" say. Trust your instincts, you are the Mom and even though you don't feel it all the time, you really do know what's best for your child. Enjoy this time, spend it with your baby - it goes WAY too fast.
Many good wishes and blessings -Carrie
I think you're doing everything right. She's only 3-weeks old. So do what you have to do - rock, carry, pacifier, swaddle, etc. It will be a couple of months before she really starts to be able to fall asleep completely on her own. I didn't let my son "cry it out" until he was 4-months old and was no longer waking up to eat. I nursed my daughter to sleep until she was 13-months old. Every child is different and soon you'll figure out exactly what works for your daughter. Somehow everything seems to fall into place around 2-months old.
Congrats and best wishes.
Hi Christine!
I'm the mom of 4 kids (9, 7, 4.5 and 15 months). I, too, read all the books and was petrified of having sleep dependent children. All I can say is, some babies are born self soothers and others are not. There are so many variables and you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. I nursed all my kids to sleep at bedtime until they were weaned and still rock my 15 month old. They've all learned to sleep, quite well, and with very few tears. You'll know when you need to do something different than what you are doing now.
Infants need to "settle" into a routine. It could very well be that she has her days and nights mixed up which basically means her body clock has not reset itself and settled into a schedule. One thing you can do about the "schedule" is to wake her up at a set time each morning to "start" her day to help her settle into a routine.
Your baby is crying to communicate with you and your response is important. Babies feel whatever is going on around them. If you are frustrated then she will mirror that energy and will too be frustrated. You've already discovered that rocking her to sleep with a pacifier and carrying her to her bed after she falls asleep is working the best for you. There is nothing wrong with that method.
Crying it out is not recommended because baby is crying because it wants your comfort, love and attention. When the baby senses it's not getting a response, then the baby will "panic" and cry harder. The first four years of your baby's life are the most important. The infant's job is to eat, sleep, pee and poop and the only means of communication right now is the crying, cooing and other noises she learns. Enjoy this precious time with your baby. Babies grow at a significant rate and before you know it, she'll be talking.
She'll "settle in" as she feels more safe and secure. Remember, she just left the comfort of your womb a few weeks ago. My daughter would get seriously cranky and finally, we would "swaddle her" and then she would calm down. Swaddling is taking the infant and putting her arms across her chest, similar to how they would be folding in the womb and wrapping a blanket around her tightly so her arms were secure. It helped her feel more secure like she was in the womb.
What we discovered later after paying really close attention, is that whenever she became "overstimulated", she would really get cranky. This would occur especially after family would visit and everybody had to hold her and we passed her around..it was just too overwhelming for her. Once we realized that and began to limit those types of activities at family visits, she seemed to be more calm.
As a very new baby, her only way to communicate her needs is through crying. She spent so much time comfortable inside you, now she's in this cold world where everything has changed. If her diaper is clean, her clothing is comfortable and keeping her not too warm or cold, her tummy is full, she's been burped, try swaddling tightly (burrito style like they did in the hospital). This really helped with my babies.
It's also possible that she has painful gas. To help relieve my daughter, I would lay her on her back and rotate her legs so her knees would go up to her tummy, like she was riding a bike upside down. You could also put a small rolled up blanket under he knees when she's sleeping on her back. With the knees elevated, it's easier for newborns to get gas out.
If everything seems fine, maybe she just wants to be cuddled. Let her hear your voice, either talking soothly or singing. As a new mom, I discovered that I didn't really know any baby appropriate songs, so I would start singing what I did know. Even though Britney Spear's "Ops I did it again", isn't the most appropriate song, it did help until I was able to learn a few new songs. If you find yourself in a rut on finding songs to sing your baby, try this link. http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/musicchild.htm
Congratulations on your new baby. It will get easier, but enjoy these early days when she actually enjoys being cuddled.
Hi Christine. We did the rocking and gently placing in the crib thing for the first 8 months of our daughter's life and yes, it made our life SO STRESSFUL. By 8 months, she wouldn't sleep unless we were holding her. Actually HOLDING her. It was awful. So we decided to do the cry it out thing. I know how stressful it is - I think I cried as much as my baby did - but I promise you it will be worth it when your baby is sleeping through the night alone. If you can stand it for about three nights, it will probably go something like this: 1st night - baby cries for 30-45 minutes, 2nd night - baby cries for 20-30 minutes, 3rd night - baby cries for 5-10 minutes. By the fourth night she should be able to fall asleep on her own with very little to no crying.
Good luck. I know it's hard.
Rebecca S.
Right now she is way to little to soother herself, and that is your job. What you are doing is right, rock her, love her and she will be happy. When you meet their needs in the beginning the rest later is a breeze. Remember, you can't spoil a baby, they aren't cognitively set up that way yet. A 1 year old totally different. I reccomend reading the no cry sleep solution, or happy baby healthy sleep habits. Two amazing books. There really is no wrong or right way, it just has to make you feel good and stress free! Good luck!
Sarah Murane
Certified Labor Doula, Postpartum doula, CBE, LE
I think that 3 weeks is to young to try any type of sleep method. At that age the baby needs to be loved and comforted. I would suggest trying the sleep methods again when your child is about 3/4 month old. I nursed my son to sleep every night for the first 6 months or so. At about 6 months we were finally able to put him in the crib and he puts himself to sleep. Every baby is different some of my friends find that staying in the room makes it easier on their child. This just upsets my son. We have to leave and let him cry it out but like I said we did not start this method until he was about 7 or 8 months old.
Good Luck!
Christine, I was there also and PLEASE DON"T let other information or people influense what YOU feel is right!!!! I will not let my daughter cry it out and some babies just take longer to to sleep through the night or go to sleep. My daughter is 11 months and I still rock her or BF her to sleep (but it only takes me 15-20 minutes now) and i put her down still kinda awake (sucking her finger) READ "no cry sleep solution" Awesome book. Remember you can drive yourself nuts with everything, but what is right for you may not be believed to another but it is NOT wrong!!! I am learnign this also. You are doing great.... listen to your baby and yourself.
I rocked my son to sleep until he was about 3 (maybe even 4) months and he goes to sleep just fine by himself now (he's 6 1/2 months). At three weeks they are are their own schedule and need you there to comfort them to sleep. Talk to your pediatrician at every appointment about sleep and they will guide you in the right direction. We didn't let our son cry/wine to sleep until he was 4 months old. It's completely normal for them to cry/wine for 10-15 minutes before they go to sleep at night at 4 months. Only you know your child and know what is best for them! So follow what feels right. Another great book is 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child'. Good luck!!
A child is in what doctor's consider the 4th trimester until they are about 3 months old. It is best to comfort them during this time because the world is so new to them. You can rock your baby to sleep if that's what you feel better doing. I always swaddled my children, as it gave them that sense of security they needed. Keep doing what you are doing and gradually introduce the self-soothing after your baby is a few months old.
I am a mother of four children, ages ten through four. I can sympathize with your problem. I rocked three of my children and even co-slept with two of them. Do what feels best for you and remember that the time will come sooner than you wish when they will not want to fall asleep in your arms. And if you feel that you really want your child to fall asleep on her own then follow some pattern consistently.
She is ONLY 3 weeks old! Enjoy the cuddle time! I breast feed all my babies at bedtime until they were about 7 months. Even when they were not breast feeding I held and rocked them to sleep. When they were about 1 year that is when I started putting them to sleep on their own. They are now 12,10 and 5.
My only problem is they want to be tucked in, hugged and kissed even at 12 and 10 and they are boys! My 5 year old is a girl and she likes to have me laydown with her until she falls asleep. I did this with my boys too. Once they turned 6 (started school) they had to go to bed by themselves so they could be up and ready in the morning.
Time goes by so fast so remember hold your baby girl as much as you can now! I hope this helps.