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Special Needs Developmental Disorders
1

I am a mom of one very active, loving almost 3 year old. Since he has been 18 months old, we have had his childcare providers express concern regarding his behavior / habits. The first place wondered if he had a sensory processing disorder. He was biting almost every day multiple times a day and was very hyperactive. He teacher told me that he reminded her of her ADHD son. Keep in mind that other kids bit at this daycare too. When he turned two, with the support of his peditrician, we decided to change childcare centers to see if that would make a difference. We did not want to be at a place that wanted to label our kid at 2 years old. Well, the kids were really out of control at place #2 and my DS's aggressiveness became worse. He completely shut down and was not even talking at school although he was saying complete sentences at home. This place told us we should seek a speech therapist. I couldn't understand because he speaks fine. With the support of our peditrician, we moved him to in home care at 2 1/2 years old and enrolled him in play therapy. Once moving to the new place, the aggression (except for hitting/pushing) completely stopped. He was speaking at school. Everything seemed to be falling in place. His therapist was so pleased at his progress. Well, after being at the new place for three months his new childcare provider expresses concern regarding DS's developmental / social skills. She thinks that the divide between DS cognitive skills and developmental skills becomes greater each week. I am confused because some of the examples I don't think are abnormal and others I have never seen at home. We decided to go through ECI but I can tell the ECI coordinater is not interested because DS is about to be 3 and she wants us to go through the schools and I do not want my kid to be labeled at school. All I want to do is find out what is wrong so that we can help him privately so that he can have a normal childhood at school. The childcare provider wonders if he is on the autism spectrum, maybe PDD. She stated that she is very structured which may be why DS has done well at her place. I have discussed everything with my peditrician who told me maybe we should try a neurologist. If DS is on the sprectrum, I have to think he is highly functioning because he hit all of his milestones. The things he struggles with is his hyperactiveness, aggression when frustrated, loves structure and gets upset when we go out of routine (although he is upset, he gets over it with 15-30 minutes and we can move on), whispers when uncomfortable (but don't shy kids do this), runs in circles when overstimulated, bored, tired, ect. He also is off on his social skills. He is not good with reading what is appropriate, but then I think he is not even 3. Example is that I have seen him pat on a kid's tummy as a greeting to say hi and the other kid looked very uncomfortable. He did this again at the daycare #2 and they accused him of beating the kid in the tummy while laughing. Since I saw him do it, I knew he was trying to say hi, very inappropriately. I don't really see the big deal in any of these examples, but was told that it is Michael's severity of reactions that cause concern. I don't see the severity at home on a regular basis, so I am not sure if there is an issue.

Anyway, does this sound like any of your kids? All my friends, family and even peditrician are very confused and tell me DS appears fine. They see him on a one on one basis. But the last three childcare providers when he is in a group environment all expressed concern. Do I keep searching or do I just let it go and see if he grows out of it (whatever it is) and does well in school? If DS is on the sprectrum but is highly functioning, would I even notice? Is it normal for a kid to act so differently at home and at school? I am a pretty routine oriented kind of person too, so is this why I don't notice because he is on routine at home? Isn't it normal for kids to do better on routine? What reaction to being out of routine is considered abnormal?

I appreciate any input. I am a very confused mama who just wants to help her little boy if he needs help without pushing an unnecessary label on him just because he is different than his peers. At what point does different become a disorder? A lot of the characteristics that his childcare providers have pointed out are characteristics and me and my husband, so it is very confusing. Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.

2

I can't really help with diagnosing what is wrong with your son...I have girls and there seems to be a big divide at this age generally (not all the time). But, I was wondering, do you have to work? Maybe your son needs your care. I don't mean to be flippant but is there any way that you can restructure your expenses/cut out some things/etc and stay home? Maybe you are the only one that can help him get through this rough patch...a mom's love is powerful! And, I totally agree, don't have the school label him as "special" or he'll always be considered that. Also, don't forget to pray for him daily.

3

Hi Renee,
I understand not wanting him labeled, but with his lack of coping skills in a very stimulating environment, he has already started to be labeled, just not formally. I am a special educator, and I can NOT urge you fast enough to seek the support of the school or maybe Our Children's House that is a branch of Baylor Medical. They can assess the needs and give recommendations and offer therapy, specifically Occupational therapy if he indeed has Sensory needs. With the right therapy, children are working through these needs within a year.....please don't sit and wait out of fear of the unknown.

He is young, but I would not disregard these recommendations. These care providers see children all day, for years, and have an eye for what appears 'normal' or not. I would ease my mind and seek where the issue lies, so the appropriate plan can be in place and hopefully avoid other interventions once in kindergarten.

Let me know if I can help with other recommendations or what have you....I know this is stressful, but sounds like overall he is doing well.

4

There are some red flags there that should NOT be ignored. Early intervention is key with any of the disorders you are talking about. Waiting will just put him farther behind when he starts school. I suggest taking him someplace to get a full spectrum evaluation. We took our son to Our Children's House Baylor for such an evaluation. He was never diagnosed with a particular disorder, but we did about 8 months of speech and occupational therapy when he was 4 that help a bunch (the school district didn't feel like he needed help). My son is 7 now, and while he is "different" he is doing well and has made friends. Please, don't wait it out. Go to the neurologist, get an evaluation. If the professionals don't find any problems then at least you have peace of mind.

Good luck!

5

As a special ed teacher, I urge you to test him soon. The earlier his intervention is the better off you and him will be.

You seemed to be so concerned about labels. Labels do not define who your child is. Labels help his educators decide on what the best course of action is for his education. Don't be so concerned about labels...be concerned about how you can help your son.

6

My suggestion is that you need to stay at home with your child instead of having other people take care of him. It sounds like a lot of the things you describe would probably all resolve very quickly if he was at home with his own mommy instead of at a daycare. HE needs you and that may fix it all. And if it doesn't fix it then you will be seeing what is wrong and you will be better able to get help.

The reason you can't seem to get your Pediatrician to understand is because you don't understand either. You are relaying some childcare workers words because you have not been present with your son to witness his behavior. You aren't able to see the whole picture with your sone because you are only with him a fraction of the time. If he is not exhibiting the problem behaviors at home, then that is where he needs to be, home. He will mature and develop over the next few years and then be ready for kindergarten when is is 5 or 6.

You need to quit your job to take care of your kid. He needs you, not strangers! He probably is overstimulated at the daycares, that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him though, it means there is something worng with daycare. It is probably a madhouse with a bunch of kids around. He needs to be at home with his mommy one on one.

Do it for your kid he needs you! You can do it! It is the right thing to do by your child!

7

Since the larger part of the day he is at child care with other children, I would be a bit concerned about some of his behaviors as well. At night with your structure he is doing good b/c he is one on one with you and not in a stimulated environment with other children.

I would try to avoid hearing a label from bothering you and get him tested before he turns 3 by ECI to see if there really is a cause for concern. The earlier it is spotted, then the earlier it can be treated. For 3 different childcare providers to express concern is a pretty big red flag, in my opinion.

Also, though you want to treat him privately so he doesn't get labeled at school, if he does have special needs, then his teachers should know about it so they can provide the best environment for his learning needs. If you are not open with them about his concerns, they will eventually pick up on it anyways, and it would be best for him if they knew up front.

8

I have to agree with Mama A. It sounds like the issues are the daycares & your son being at daycare.

9

Hi,

I just want to tell you that just because you are a working mom and have your child in daycare does not mean you are doing anything wrong or your child is lacking...

There are many stay at home moms who are unaware of their children's weaknesses because they aren't aware of redflags that their child may be exhibiting.

There is a huge difference between your home environment where you feel comfortable and the messages you've sent since you've been born makes your caregivers react in a specific way vs an environment which is not catered to your individual and specific needs (i.e you must adapt to the environment... the environment does not adapt to you).

It sounds like you are unsure of what to do because of some doubts.

My recommendation is to have your son evaluated... A pediatrician can only analyze what he observes in a few moments time and what you say in that time... However, pediatricians are trained to deal with health vs illness...

I would seek a developmental pediatrician who specializes in development to evaluate and determine your next step...

I would take it one step at a time... First, have your child evaluated to rule out any doubts that have come up and calm your mind...

Depending on the results, then I would determine what the next step is...

I hope that everyone understands that being a working mother does not cause children to be delayed...

There are many children whose parents have been stay at home (dads or moms) and have still presented with developmental delays or disorders.

Children react differently in different environments... Eventually they have to go to school... I would recommend early intervention ASAP to prepare them for school environments which are much more demanding socially, academically, and emotionally.

Please contact me for a list of developmental pediatricians in the area...

Visit my blog for more information on development... specifically speech...
Remember that speech involves communication and there is a function to every behavior... behavior is a type of communication.

www.mintj.wordpress.com

10

Hi, I'm just reading this post. I have a child with Sensory Issues and this sounds just like my Son. I would get over the labeling. I've been criticized for labeling, however I explained myself and I felt much better for it. A diagnosis or label, whatever you want to call it, does help everyone understand what is going on. That doesn't mean he/she is destine for life to continue down that road.

We've done ECI and our child only qualified for Fine Motor Delay and the Sensory Issues- main diagnosis from them is Developmental Delay. We had therapy from them, very good, however it was only behavior therapy. So, it was helping the behavior some but wasn't totally taking care of the problem.

We've been foster parents since 2003. We've used the Child Study Center for a foster child that had a form of Muscular Dystrophy. They were awesome! I can't say enough good things about that whole experience of practically living there 3 times a week! Our foster child had OT, PT and Speech therapy, all three services 3 times a week.

Naturally, after a great experience, we chose to deal with our Son with the Child Study Center in Fort Worth. They are off Lancaster Street. It is usually a 6 month waiting list. It is well worth the wait! You fill out a registration packet and they evaluate all your comments, concerns, issues,etc... They give you a letter explaining if you qualify or not and how long the waiting list is. Then you get a letter stating that you have an appointment for an evaluation by a Developmental Pediatrician. This is a specialist Dr. that does testing and can administer medication for your child as well. They tell you the results and go over questions you have. Our child was diagnosed with 3 things,-Conduct Disorder, Developmental Delay, Fine Motor Skill Delay, I'm going on my memory. I'm thinking that is all he was diagnosed with. However, Sensory Integration or Sensory Processing Disorder came up, it is not a Federally recognized disability and has no diagnosis code number or isn't recognized by the DSM Manual of Psychiatric Disorders.

We still struggle, however we've made some improvements with Parenting issues and our Son is getting better. It takes time and patience and can be very frustrating. He is in Occupational Therapy 2 times a week with Sante Pediatrics. The swinging and jumping and fine motor skills are what they really work on. If you can swing your child on a swing set or use a small trampoline to have your child jump on that would help. Going round in circles doing Ring around the Rosie would help.

Sounds like there is an issue with your child, however I'm not a Developmental Pediatrician, however I do see a lot of similariites.

Here's some issues with our child:
Hates loud noises-throws a major temper tantrum if it is a unusual sound or loud beeping sound
Doesn't like to be touched in upper body area much
Very sensitive to smells and talks about things that smell. Use to smell food before eating it.
Sensitive to cold food, coming right out of the refrigerator.
Having trouble asking for things, has trouble with communicating with adults and kids.
Very aggressive, instead of asking he's pushes other kids and hits. Just learned that he is starting to tell other kids not to hit him. Which is huge progress!
Gets frustrated when schedule is changed, big groups of people/loud noises. Runs around in circles a lot.
Doesn't like brushing teeth or going to the Dentist or having us brush his teeth.
Bites things, sucks his thumb, puts his finger in his mouth a lot.
Doesn't follow directions well, time out doesn't work for him.
doesn't like being picked up when he doesn't initiate or ask to be picked up.

Hope this helps. Feel free to email me and I'll be glad to share my personal email address with you. I'd like to have some friends that I can talk to that truly understand what is going on. I explain so much to other people and very few people understand it-the sensory issues. We aren't getting support from family either. It is really rough!

Here's some great books: The Sensory-Sensitive Child and the Out of Sync Child. I like the The Sensory-Sensitive Child best, both are great. I'm finding keeping a daily diary is helpful to track your progress and help you understand more fully what is going on with your child and their wacky/crazy behavior at times!

Also for evaluations if you prefer to go to a Child Psychologist, you can also get a diagnosis and tested there. If you need names, let me know we know of several. We did that a lot with the Foster Kids. Did you ever hear back from the Neurologist? I'm curious what their input is on this?

Therapy- We've used Child Study Center (run by Cooks Hospital)
Sante Pediatrics
Therapy 2000

There are others in the phone books, however the others wouldn't take our insurance or didn't have openings and had long lists. Cook's Hospital is great, however I called and they had a 6 month waiting list.

I've found out this is genetic, my husband is delayed and his Father has communication issues/Auditory Asphasia and a Grandmother and Uncle had Sensory Issues, possibly PDD/Asperger's. I find it fascinating and I'm wanting to read all the information I can get my hands on.

Wanting to join a support group, so I'm thinking going to an Autism (as Sensory Issues are under Autism) or a support group for Mom thru the school system called Parents as Teachers. I just need to talk more with others that has similiar issues! Currently, I only know one person at our church and she has 4 kids!

I hope this helps and let me know how the Neurologist went, that is one Dr. we haven't gone to yet. The Child Study Center didn't mention it to us. They recommended play therapy, therapy for us as a parents, gave us lots of literature. We go back in one year for a re-evaluation. We can give him medication for his behavior-aggression if needed, however we are choosing to use that as a last resort.

11

You might try taking him to a developmental specialist who may can help.

12

I think Kelly summarized it best by stating that he has a lack of coping skills in a very stimulating environment, and that is a reason to be concerned. I think I am just tired of searching for something that may or may not be there. We have been to multiple doctors in the last 1 1/2 years and yet this “issue” is still looming over our head. As I told my friends and family, it is worth the effort instead of ignoring the problem because obviously something must be disconnecting for DS when he is in a group environment. I appreciate the moms who suggested for me to stay at home, and either me or my husband would have stopped working if in home care did not work, but my DS is thriving in this setting. This really is the first environment where not only is he learning cognitive skills, but he is learning to get along with others. Staying home would only put off the “issue” until kindergarten. As a mom, I know this, which is why I keep searching. I will continue this quest (ECI is doing the assessment in April and we have an appt. with the neurologist in May) and hopefully we will finally get answers. I admit I hate labels and it does break my heart that my kid has been “labeled” since 18 months. Maybe I need to get over that, but just don’t feel labels are productive in all cases. Anyway, sorry for the long post, and I do appreciate everyones thoughts.