First I must start off by excepting full responsibility for my daughter being behind the other 4 yr old kids in her Pre K class. Since my daughter was 3yrs old she was ready for school always telling me she didn't want to go to daycare anymore with the babies she wants to go to school with the big kids, however mommy was not ready to handle the steady constant routine of a school age child, especially since she was only 3 and the average 3 yr old is still at home with mom or dad or in daycare...
Anyhow Our life has been unfortunately pretty unstable for the past 2 1/2 years and my only concern at that time was a roof over our head clothes on our back and food. Aside from praying with my daughter EVERYNIGHT, reading her books EVERYNIGHT somewhere I failed to keep up with the preschool fundamentals. I left that responsibility up to her daycare/preschool provider, activity work books and Sprout (the TV channel) and I didn't reinforce the knowledge so it could stick... I know sad right?? (this is why Im reachcing out to fellow moms)
My problem now is my daughter is lazy and doesn't like to try. She's capable and most of the time knows how to and exactly what to do but refuses and would rather spend hours battling with mom just to write her name (and she knows how to write her name by the way)then turn around and go to school and wont write a letter, her name, say her numbers shapes nothing, barely talks to the teacher. So now her Pre K teacher thinks she wont be ready for Kindergarten if this keeps up!!!
I myself, have to work on my self control and patience with my daughter, I have to keep reminding myslef this is all new too her..be patient, which I'm prgressing with. But it's the laziness and braty behavior that frustrates me because my daughter is smart and she knows this!!! I've tried books, creating songs, flash cards the informations just wont stick. Maybe im not giving it enough time?? She just left daycare in August into Pre K and her daycare teacher had majority babies so she didn't really keep up with the older kids development and neither did I which is why I moved her into Prek.
Furthermore....
Q; How can I make the learning process a smooth and fun experience instead of a lazy, inpatient, shouting experience for the both of us?
and
Q: What were some of your children's ages when they began to read and write? Did Pre K help them for Kindergarten?
Don't make learning a power struggle, or once she starts real school your life is going to be so difficult. Everything at this age should be about having fun. There are a lot of games out there that teach letters and numbers. If she can write her name at this time, then she is doing well. I have a 4 year old who is in his second year of preschool. The first year was totally socially based and basically they worked on getting along, waiting your turn, and self control. This year is more academically based and they are working on letters and numbers and basic math concepts. My son can recognize all of his letters and knows what sounds they make, but isn't close to reading yet. He can count to about 50, but doesn't write his numbers well and sometimes has trouble recognizing numbers greater than 10. We play a lot of games with numbers and anytime he wants to practice writing I always encourage it. We make it fun so he likes to write letters to his best friend (I tell him how to spell every word). It is a long process and sometimes frustrating for me, but he then mails the letter and then the friend writes back. They think it is so exciting to get mail and open and read their letters that they don't even realize they are learning when they do it. We sing that leapfrog song a lot that tells you what the letter is and then what sound it makes. Somehow turning it into a song makes it easier to remember. The problem sounds like your daughter's teacher isn't very good at getting her to engage. Some of it may just be some basic behavior problems on her part also. It sounds like you have both had a rough couple of years, so you have to take that into consideration too since that will effect her behavior. Make your expectations clear to her, that she needs to cooperate at school etc. and what the consequences will be if she does not. Then follow through. If she is used to being around babies, the adjustment to actual preschool could just be tough on her. It's definitely different being surrounded by her peers as opposed to babies. She is used to being one of the oldest kids, so she may be feeling a little insecure at her new school. I would give it some time for her to adjust and you have quite a bit of time before kindergarten registration, so you can reevaluate in the spring to see if the problems still exist. Again though, I think if you back off on the pressure at home she may be more cooperative at school. Good luck and let us know how things turn out.
Is she one of the youngest, oldest or average age in her class?? I wouldn't be so hard on yourslef, being a mom is a really hard job, I can imagine even harder on you being that your husband is no longer with you(sorry for your loss). I am sure it is hard on both of you. Some kids take a little longer to catch on than others. My son had a hard time and ended up repeating Kindergarten, I knew that might of happened and I kick myslef for not just letting him anther year of preschool. I was a young Kindergartener, his b-day is 5/31. I agree with the first response to not try so much at home, do FUN learning activites at home, things she doesn't even realize are learning activites like Candyland, Chutes and Ladders ect. I used the LeapFrog videos for my kids, they thought they were just watching cartoons! My Daughter started trying to read in preschool, and now if Kindergarten is doing a little more. My son had problems and now in 1st grade is really catching on more. I know with him the more I tried at home the more frusterated we both got and the less receptive he was. Keep your head up I am sure you are a great mom!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am sure your daughter will be fine and catch on soon!! GOOD LUCK!!!
Don't be so hard on yourself. We as moms can only do the best than we can do for the moment that we were in. No regrets. Everything is a learning experiance, for us and them. I parent my kids a little different than a lot of moms I know. I am stay at home mom to 4 daughters with one more on the way in Feb. My husband is the only one working, so we cannot nor have we ever been able to afford preschool for our children. Our eldest was in day care until 5 years old, we both had to work at that time. My middle daughter did preschool 1-2 days a week 6 months before kindergarten started. Both of my daughters are very smart and way above average on all their testing. I made sure to read to them, and went to the library once a week with them for storytime and checking out books. We made it into a really fun outing to the park with a picnic. I also did arts and crafts with them, played games, and sang songs. We did play dates as well. I did the best that I could do. Now with my 3 year old twins, I am starting the same with them. I will not put them in preschool until they are almost ready for kindergarten. There is no way we could swing $150 a week times two. The best thing you can do for your children is to show them love and raise them up with do values and morales. And by you praying with your daughter, you are giving her even more of a great start. Children need a spiritual relationship, even more so than academics. Her faith will help her get through the many difficult situations that come her way in life. Great job. Her faith will get her through life with a different understanding, something that academics alone could not do. The academics is important, don't get me wrong, but at 4 years old you cannot put so much stress on it. Every child is different, and no one should expect the same out of every child at the same age. You have had your hands full, and you are doing the best you can do on a day to day basis. Take care of yourself and don't force anything. She will not learn anything when there is stress involved, it will be as if a wall comes up. Try it and if she doesn't want to do it, let it go, before tempers rise. She has also gone through a transition in her life and she needs to deal with it as well. Keep praying for yourself and for her and God will take care of you.
Okay... don't panic. The first thing you should know is that all kids develop pre-k skills at different ages. Some are developmentally ready to do things much younger than others, but don't make that your barometer for where she should be... at least not at this age. You should for sure set some time aside, maybe 15 minutes a day or an hour once a week. This time should be fun. Set your expectations not at a place where you think she should achieve a certain skill, but rather where you just want to complete it and have fun. Make sure you sit down at a table with a booster, keep the TV off, no music, no toys or stuffed animals or blankets at the table, and be sure to give her your full attention - that means have the craft/activity ready ahead of time and don't get distracted by the phone or chores. Totally devote that short amount of time to your daughter and expect that she do the same. Then while you complete the craft make sure you don't expect her to master any certain skill, but gently guide her. And you may have to actually do more of the craft with her in the beginning, but then she'll get better and better at it and eventually will hardly need your help for things a few months ago seemed impossible to master.
So, you make it fun. Don't let her make the rules or you'll be back at square one. Keep an even, gentle voice to say "Sweetie, this is a fun project and we're going to do it together. As soon as your finished you can hop down and go play, but right now this craft is what we're going to do, so let's have fun. Do you want to glue by yourself or would you like some help?" That's why I like booster chairs with a tray... they can't escape!!
As for her kindergarten readiness...pre-k is a huge help for that, but they do so much in kindergarten and the teachers (at least ours) were fantastic. Some kids really struggled at the beginning of the year and by the end of the year you'd never even know kindergarten was ever difficult for them. I say keep up with pre-k, and if you feel like her particular school isn't going to be effective at teaching (let's face it, some are great and some are not so hot), then maybe look into another school. But, keep her in... she's the right age for it and I bet she'll come around, just a little slower than you would have expected. With proper guidance and lots of love...she'll get it.
I wrote a book called Kitchen Table Play and Learn (Amazon). It's got over 300 crafts and activities for parents to do with their preschool-aged children. It was written with parents in mind because it has a list of preschool skills kids should be developing as well as tips for doing these types of crafts with your own children. The themed chapters have 7-10 activities and each activity has a list of skills the kids will work on, a simple materials list and step-by-step instructions for completing and getting the most out of the craft. Give that a whirl.
Then let the kindergarten teachers do their job... and they are good at it!
Kids at that age learn best through play. I wonder if they are pushing the academics too hard and she's naturally resisting. I have to admit, I'm a Waldorf mom (although my kids were in public school from pre-k to 4th) and in Waldorf they teach through play in pre-k and kindergarten.
My youngest is still struggling from a stigma about handwriting that I believe was born out of being forced to do it before she was really ready. However, the social skills were invaluable. I guess what I'm getting at is if you push too hard, you may risk both her desire to learn and your relationship. Trust me, she will learn how to read and write in good time. Four years old, according to most childhood development standards (I took a wonderful class on the subject recently that really opened my eyes) is still pretty young for academics of any kind. If you are interested, there is a book called, "You Are Your Child's First Teacher," that gives ways for you to teach your young child through hands on experiential activities.
I've also heard of a number of people holding their children back a year before entering kindergarten or 1st grade as of late due to the changed standards that expect children to somehow be more able than before to do higher levels of academics sooner. I liken it to trying to force a 8 month old to walk when they are simply developmentally not ready. It only makes it harder for everyone involved. Many public school teachers (certainly all of the ones my daughters had) are frustrated by this "No Child Left Behind" that is leaving many children behind. More food for thought, and one of the major reasons we left public school.
Relax and have fun with her. The rest will come in due time!
Mechelle,
RELAX!!!...and quit blaming yourself! It sounds like you've had a rough road for a few years. So too, has your daughter. Every child learns at his or her own pace--it's referred to as "readiness". When she is ready, she will do it. Your child is only four, no harm in sending her to K a year later if necessary, especially given her rough start. Try to make learning fun and part of the routine in your home... Mommy needs a helper (cooking, shopping, cleaning...etc.). Work the basics into these things--counting items, searching for specific letters on boxes, colors. Give her lots of praise. There are also board/card games you can get or make to help learn the basics. Above all, keep reading to her every night! It's important to start developing social skills at her age, so continue to surround her with opportunities to socialize with others her own age. You'll be surprised how much she'll learn from them.
Relax and enjoy this wonderful age.
Nancy A...Mom and retired teacher
Mechelle-
I am a preschool teacher who teaches three year old and pre-k. Preschool is not about "desk" work. Children learn best through play. Sitting at circle is teaching listening, patience, concepts, etc. While a child going to kindergarten should recognize letters and possibly know how to write their name, the teachers really want to see that they have the attention span to listen, sit and absorb what is being taught. can your daughter follow a routine? Does she know her shapes, can she show courtesy to her classmates? These are the things that preschool is meant to teach. Recognition of colors, shapes, letters, sounds, etc. Don't underestimate the socialization experience she is learning. Also, DON'T STRESS!!! Your STRESS = HER STRESS. Make learning fun! Be patient, workbooks are not necessary. I never use them. Art is a wonderful outlet that I am sure she would love, get messy, ask her questions about size, shape, color, living/non living, etc.. engage in conversation w/ her..Good luck!
Her pre-K teacher sounds like a real knucklehead to make such a remark about a youngster who won't be in Kindergarten for another year!! And, if your daughter barely talks to her it might be because she doesn't like her? Well, don't encourage this, she'll need to try to learn to get along with everyone, still... I'm amazed at a teacher's negativism and non-focus on the core items. Lots of people had good replies, esp. some of those teachers, so take those to heart. And especially do not stress about it. Your daughter will do just fine. Focus on any problems she may have though? Why does she take an "attitude" when she's at school. Maybe she really doesn't like the teacher. Happened to me when I was 5 and my parents changed me to a new teacher and all fell into place.
HI
Read "Hold onto your kids".I believe your daughter feels despondent because she's not feeing connected enough to you. I know you are working on surviving and it's a lot to figure out how to keep it all together but read that book.Also there is a whole belief system of education that says kids are ready to play at this age and learn thru their senses.....check out Waldorf education.Good luck!!
Paula
First of all, stop worrying. My daughter is now in 1st grade, and we went through the same thing. Even in kindergarten I would do flash cards, read with her, etc., and she would not retain any of the information. Her teacher told me it was normal for her age. I remember how frustrated my husband would get when she was in preschool because he would try to do flashcards with her and try to get her to read her Bob Books and she just wanted nothing of it. She is now in 1st grade and is doing just fine. She is showing interest now in reading and is retaining information much better. We use a lot of positive feedback, like I get REALLY excited when she gets things right and she gets little treats (small toys) when she progresses from one section to the next. That really seemed to help. But for now I really would not worry about it. She is still so young. And when she gets to kindergarted there will be a mix of children, some who have had years of preschool and teaching and some who stayed home and had none. They all seemed to do just fine and were at the same level by the end of the year. Don't worry!!!
First of all, give yourself a break :o) It sounds like you're being really hard on yourself. LIFE HAPPENS and kids adjust according to how WE respond as parents. Your daughter will be just fine, you're just working through the "aftermath" of your little household whirlwind :o)
There are sooooooo many families that don't read and write with their children AT ALL, and those kids do just fine :o) Your daughter has all the academics "tools" she seems to need~thanks to her wonderful mother :o) She is taking advantage of your guilt right now which is why you're having trouble with her. You need to stop acting guilty about the whole thing. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, and you are just doing the best that you can. That's real life.....
Pre-K helped my boys for sure. They learned wonderful things, and grew "very smart", but mostly, Pre-School helped them with their social skills. Socially, most kids are still adjusting to school when it starts, and what's expected of them. Pre-school can help alot with that, and getting along well with others your own age. If preschool is not affordable, then she will be fine in Daycare until it's time to start her in Kindergarten :o) So many kids enter K this way.
Some things that help make learning more fun in my house were: **A big white board to write things down. I would be the "student" to ask questions about how to write a W. And my "teacher" would show me on the white board :o) We could do this while I made dinner or something.
*We have Transparencies in our home with markers. Have your daughter put it on a glass table with a desk lamp, and she'll have an "overhead" to teach with :o)
**Also, we have an Alphabet Bingo Game. That REALLY helped with learning sounds of letters.
Well, that's all I can think of Mechelle. Everything will work out just fine. And by the way, I am so sorry that you have been going through a rough time lately. Alot of us have shared your emotions and struggles, however, I am fortunate enough to still have my husband to "vent all over" during those times.....I am sorry.
I agree with what a lot of the other mom's said, you do need to give yourself a break. All kids do things at their own pace. I also think you should try to see how she feels about her teacher. If she is having some real issues with the teacher, it might not be a bad idea to try to switch teachers. I would also give her a little time to adjust to pre-school. But at the same time, try to continue to work with her at home, but the minute it becomes a struggle you need to walk away and give her space. You can try buying her some "learning" toys to play with. I have also found that listing to all the "Little People" CD's in the car with my daughter have helped her to pick up on things (ABC's, counting, etc.). You also might want to talk with her pre-school teacher and find out what she is thinking.
My dear, you have so much on your plate.Believe me, I can relate...I even was a fashion designer (childrens' wear) many years ago. Step back and take a breath. Your daughter is only 4-years-old. Still a baby in my book.Perhaps you are expecting too much. Or maybe that teacher is playing off your own fears. Sad to say, some people get a certain satisfaction in making another feel badly or insecure or not good enough or....well, you get the picture. While reading is wonderful, not all children take an interest or start doing it at the same time. That's what we have school for--in theory. But remember that schools have a vested interest in seeing to it that all students do things at the same time. They like an homoginized approach because it is orderly and let's face it, they're dealing with a bunch of kids. In reality, each child is different and comes with a unique set of interests and possibilities. You say your child can write her name? Great! But she won't write it at school? Maybe she's uncomfortable in the situation. Maybe somebody told her she was doing it wrong, or not well enough or who knows what? Take a moment to really examine what is and isn't going on at her pre-K. Don't immediately think that it's your child who's the problem. Remember, perception creates reality. This is not a paradigm you want to create with your child. And relax. If it's any consolation, my youngest. who I home schooled, didn't start reading until she was eight, though of course, I read to her A LOT. She's now a junior in a very top drawer college back east, with an almost full scholarship. Best of all, she loves learning. That's what we want, isn't it? For them to love learning? Never stop trying with your child. If she's not into what you're showing her, try a different tact. Keep your sense of humor and don't be intimidated by teachers who don't really know your child and will never care about her the way you do.
There is a book by Mel Levine called "The Myth of Laziness" - his point is that kids aren't lazy - something else is going on.
Sounds like 1) you have had a lot going on -- that you have managed to continue to read to your daughter will do more for her than you can imagine. 2) This pre-k doesn't sound like it's developmentally based. Kids don't really benefit in the long run from doing desk work at this age. What would it do to your life if this just wasn't a good fit for your daughter and you moved her to a different program? Is there any way you can go see the teacher in action?
I would look at what your daughter is telling you by her unwillingness to do the work and talk to the teacher.
PreK is mostly for the socialization and following rules and order imposed by a teacher as opposed to in the home environment. If you are getting into shouting matches and arguments, there is too much pressure, in my opinion, and it'd be better to back off and see what happens. Encourage her to name letters and draw, and look at books with you, but don't force it. Good luck!
Well, it sounds to me like she has homework which is not accceptable at her age. I say back off cuz it also sounds like this is turning into a battle of the wills. And, to be blunt, so what if she's not ready for K at 5 when the state says she can go. Let her go to K when she's almost 6 which is a choice most parents are making now. We did that cuz we realized while our son was very ready academically, he wasn't ready emotionally & maturity-wise. Since the state has these God-awful tests, K has become much more academic meaning kids are expected to sit & learn more than we did in K. Most kids aren't ready for this at 5 yo. Take her grocery shopping w/you & have her find all the things on the list that start w/certain letters, buy some simple academic programs for the computer. Or if you really feel she should be doing some workbooks, then let her pick them out. But I think the big thing to remember, is it sounds like she's had a lot of change this year & she's trying to deal w/that. Is the teacher aware of this? If not, I'd be sure she was so she cna take this into account. Also, something serious to consider....why won't she talk the teacher? FYI, it's very rare to have a kid start reading in Pre-K....most kids are emergent readers by 3/4 thru to the end of the K year. And, yes, most people agree that Pre-K is helpful for K. It's mostly about being socially, emotionally & developmentally ready for K & should not be all about being academically ready. Again ease up a bit & I bet you'll see that she's more intersted in learning. Let her teacher know that you aren't going to push her cuz she should also know that when you push a child to do something, it almost always backfires. And if this teacher is still being pushy about the academic aspect, then your daughter is at the wrong preschool. Best of luck!
Mechelle ~ First off, I would like to say that I am very sorry about your loss. I am sure that it has been a very difficult adjustment for both you and your daughter and I think that you should take that into consideration during this situation that you are going through with the PreK class. I personally think that you should not push her into the whole learning thing. I understand what you are saying about the laziness and the bratty behavior, BUT (I know I hate that word) I think the more that you push her, the more she is going to resist. I think that if you leave her alone, as she gets more comfortable in school and sees the other kids having fun she will want to join in. I also do not thing that you should let her be defiant though, and that there needs to be consequences when she is being willfully defiant. You need to set limits and boundaries, but I really think that the worst thing that could happen is that she starts school a year later, and really in the big picture, that is not a big deal. It kinda sounds like emotionally she may not be ready to start kindergarten anyways and if you do end up starting her they may want to keep her back - which also would not be the end of the world. Anyways, I hope that I have been a little bit of a help, and if you ever need to vent to someone, please feel free to contact me! Sometimes it is nice to vent to someone who has no idea who you are! LOL! Have a Great Day, and Good Luck!
STOP WORRYING! All children develop their reading skills at different ages (it can take some until 2nd grade to be ready). You cannot force the brain to develop any faster than it is ready to and drilling it into your child can actually burn up brain cells. I know it's hard, but try not to compare your 4 yr old to the other children. There is plenty of time for her to learn to read and once it clicks in... you won't believe how quickly she will pick it up. If your preschool is telling you she is "behind" the other children, look elsewhere. The worst thing you could do is make learning a chore for your child at this early stage. Keep it fun, low pressure, introduce concepts, but DO NOT stress her (or yourself) out about "getting it" yet.
Wow! Lots of good advice from other moms, similar to what I'm about to say.
1) PreK is not Kindergarten--it is just for learning to follow directions, socialize with others, and sit at "circle."
2) Kindergarten is an optional grade--children can enter at first grade if they have developed the skills at home that they might have developed in kindergarten. These skills are things like learning to write your name, counting to 30, reading, writing and recognizing those numbers, reciting the alphabet and the sounds the letters represent, and writing the letters, writing simple sentences such as "I like milk."(no emphasis on capital letters and punctuation), and reading a small number of sight words. This information can be obtained from the California Department of Education website link to state standards for mathematics and language arts. Remember that these are skills the child has obtained in Kindergarten and needs to have to be successful in FIRST grade.
3) Children can start kindergarten at age 6, and some should. School is not daycare, and some children are not ready. This reason is why so many children are retained at the kindergarten level.
I've been teaching kindergarten through third grade and often times it is the early start children that struggle in these primary grades and who are retained in these grades.
That's my input; therefore, I suggest you find an alternative preschool for your daughter.